AnonK

I haven't been around SR as much lately. Life has taken over and has been a non-stop rush of chaos.

But in my time away, I've been coping with my emotions and dwelling on the situations I've been in with my exes. Six months later, I still find the occasional bout of anger "How dare he (my first ex, who denies having an alcohol problem) leave me for her?... How is that he's moved on so quickly and blended himself into her family (when he doesn't even like young children)? Why this, that, or the other?

But then I remember a few things: I remember that life is too short for this. I remember that I have become a better person out of this mess. Most importantly, I remember that misery loves company -- and that he has found it in that other woman and her children.

So, what's the best revenge towards someone who has hurt you like that? I'll tell you: getting off the merry-go-round with them, going through that dizzy spell, then getting right back up and back to having fun. Living life on your own terms again.

I broke NC a few weeks ago. I had left some stuff at his house when I moved out, and I finally felt strong enough to go get it. I called him and asked to come get it, which he agreed to (he wasn't going to be home anyways). Then. with the sound of misery in his voice, he asked me how I was doing.

So, I did what any sweet ex-gf would do. I pepped up and told him that I couldn't be doing any better, which is the truth. I almost wanted to tell him that if I knew the break-up would have been this easy and worth it, I would have done it long before it happened. But I'm a nice person, and I knew that "I couldn't be doing any better" would suffice just as well.

They'll put you down as long as they can, because they're miserable and need the company. Only miserable people enjoy the company of miserable people. I got tired of the misery and am living life better than I ever had. I'm on track to do some pretty amazing things in the coming weeks, months and even years. Amazing things he told me I wouldn't do. Amazing things he will get to hear about from the grapevine (he likes to ask around town to see if anyone knows how I'm doing).

I'm not sure what my purpose in writing this was. I hope it can do someone some good. If I can rise from the wreckage and recover, so can anyone else.

acm76

Living well is the best revenge. I remind myself of this every day, and so much of your post could be written by me (except I haven't yet broken NC to get the remainder of my belongings, though that day is on the very near horizon).

Congratulations on living and loving a good life! You deserve it!

Tuffgirl

Well said, and I wholeheartedly agree. As a matter of fact, was just telling my older daughter this very thing a few days ago about a boy who broke her heart.

Thanks for sharing!
~T

funkynassau

Living well is indeed the BEST revenge

lillamy

Yup. Yup. Yup.
It infuriates my ex that I'm happy and moving forward. Infuriates him. I'd like for that to not be the case; I'd much prefer him to be indifferent to whatevertheheck I do with my life, and move forward with his life.

NYCDoglvr

Thank you for the wonderful post!

The whole point is you don't let them do it. A huge gift of Alanon. Louise to Thelma (Thelma & Louise): "Thelma, you get what you settle for." This is my mantra now.

funkynassau

I like that line - you get what you settle for. How true!

courtneykay

Thank you for posting this! This is very insightful and I definitely needed to read this right about now. I am going through a break up of my own, and it has been difficult. But I am doing better every day. It gives me hope to see someone else who escaped from a toxic relationship and is doing SO well.

I'm so happy for you! You go girl.

Hugs
Courtney