AM37

Hi, I have been abusing alcohol for over 5 years and its now have a really negative effect on the things that matter the most - my family life. I hate what alcohol is doing to my life but love the relaxation that it gives me. I drink every night and have put on over 2 stone in weight and feel awful. I worry about the negative role model I am creating for my young children & my husband is on the verge of leaving me. Despite all this I worry about how I will relax, cope & enjoy life without alcohol. I wonder if I will enjoy nights with my friends or husband without it. Has anybody felt this and come out of he other side better off?

ReadyAtLast

Welcome to SR

I can relate to your post and am a similar age with a young child. Now sober, I see alcohol didn't make me relax,cope or enjoy life at all.Quite the opposite. I was tense all day, unable to cope with things and pretty darn miserable. I thought alcohol helped me relax but it was an illusion/con.

I've been sober 8 months and my life is truly better than I imagined it could be. I don't want to go out drinking with friends,it seems pretty boring now.I can go to functions etc but prefer to do new sober hobbies. I feel physically and mentally so much stronger(though still eating too much ice cream )

If you feel so awful you're probably not really enjoying life at all really? Quitting really can improve your life. SR is a great place for support and strength

Another Lancashire girl here too though live away now

jojoreese

I wanted to get better for my health, my kids, my marriage, my quality of life. I felt like you though, I was scared I wouldn't be able to relax. I knew that there would never be a "right" time to quit, so after my last drunk episode, I had just had enough. It wasn't even fun anymore. I felt so sick on the ride home from vacation that it scared me and I honestly thought we wouldn't get home because we would have to stop at a hospital. I can't live like that anymore. My family deserves more AND SO DO I!!!

I've only been at this a few days, so I'm by NO means an expert, but what I've done so far is...Night one - movie in bed, Night two -red slushy and reading SR posts, and Night three - Bubble bath and early bed time. Tonight I plan to go for a walk around the block with the kids and watch a tv show with the hubby. It helps me to have a plan. Simple plans, but amazing how it makes the time go by...

Best wishes! Love yourself! You're worth it!!!

AM37

Thanks for the encouragement. It's nice to know im not the only mum who has struged. What sober hobbies do you do?

AM37

I like the idea of planning ahead what to do on an evening. However, I've usually decided by mid afternoon if I'm going to drink that night. Did this happen to you too, jojoreese or ready at last?

scintillady

Unlike you, I plan every morning NOT to drink, and then when I get out of work at 10:30 PM I try to talk myself out of stopping at the store on the way home for a bottle of wine. I have a 30 minute drive home, and I argue with myself the whole time about whether I'm going to stop and get one. So far I haven't done too well resisting.

terry9

Ha Ha xx another Lancashire lass here too !!!! I had all the fears and worries that you have but honestly truthfully your WHOLE life will be better without alcohol . You will survive and you will be so proud of yourself and so will your husband and everything about your life and your family life will be brill xxxx honestlyx I went and got advice from my doctor and that helped -- not had a drink for over 2 years and I felt just like you about stopping x

Sasha4

Hi

Welcome to our family.
I am a mum too.
I have over 530 day's without a drink.

Life is a lot calmer now I have stopped drinking.

I tend to put up with events, such as birthdays, weddings, parties, where there will be lots of drink served.
I attend, I take part, I smile.

I don't know if I can truthfully say I enjoyed myself, but I would prefer this than the usual blackout, days of tears over what I might, might not have said or done. People making jokes at my expense. Feeling totally paranoid. I hated that and I am relieved I never have to feel like that again as long as I don't pick up the first drink.

Having a 3 year old, does not leave time for hobbies really.
When she goes to bed I am almost housebound.

I used to sit with my favourite glass, on my usual spot on the sofa, in front of the television.

Now the glass is smashed, I am off the sofa and the television is turned off.
At first it was hard, but I did anything and everything to make sure I did not drink.

I spent hours here reading and learning about addiction. I read in bed, away from my usual spot on the sofa. I had long baths. I sorted out junk for car boots sales. I decorated, I got an exercise DVD. I gutted my kitchen so it was gleaming. I cooked for the freezer. I sorted out my photographs on my computer.
I did anything to not drink.

At first it was hard. But I can honestly say that I could not imagine sitting as I did and drinking like I did on an evening. It would seem strange, not right.

As for drinking during the day, no way could I do that now. It would seem so wrong.

The first few months I did not have much confidence that I could do it and watch others drink. But as I got more and more days, it became easy.

I do know as well that my drinking was not normal.
It can be an eye opener attending gatherings where booze is served. I saw that most people had a couple. No-one blacked out. No-one fell over. No-one made a fool of themselves. Some people had one drink, then went on to soft drinks.

Maybe you should try it.

I also feel better as a person.
I don't worry all the time now.
I'm not hungover anymore.
I don't feel like I have to constantly justify my drinking or apologise for it.

I really do wish you the best. XXXX

jojoreese

I would decide to drink when my first problem to solve came along that day. I am an assistant principal, so that was usually before the day even got started good. Then all day I would plan how much I would (try) to have, where I would stop to get it, how many I should drink before my husband got home, etc. I still functioned through the day, but I had my "plan" to keep me motivated. I could not wait to get home and drink.

I still have the urge pretty strong when complications arise, and like I said I'm pretty new, but now I try to immediately recognize the alcoholic voice in my head and shut her up and replace it with a different plan that is simple. If I plan something complicated this early and don't accomplish it, then I'm scared I will feel unsuccessful.

For me, making it home is the hardest part. Once I get here, I'm usually safe from drinking. Having this to come to and a husband who is cheering me on helps.

EndGameNYC

If I hadn't "come out of the other side better off," I wouldn't have stayed sober.

Dee74

Hi am37

I really don't think anyone would stay in recovery if they felt they lost out on the deal

Yes, my life is different now - but so am I.

I truly love my life and I like who I am.
I'm glad I gave sobriety a go - I think you will be too

D

ReadyAtLast

This sums it up so so well

No more drama,life is peaceful,serene,normal.Every morning I wake just grateful not to have a hangover.

In the early days I went to the gym every day. Now I live in the middle of nowhere so not possible. In the evenings I read,have baths, walk, sit in the garden, gardening even cleaning!I'm not necessarily doing much but I like the calmness and peacefulness. In the early days I spent most nights on SR once my son was in bed. Do whatever you need to to not drink. The days and nights seemso long when you first quit but you do adjust.

I read Rational REcovery: AVRT by Jack Trimpney-you can get it off Amazon.It explains that voice that appears mid afternoon and tries to persuadeyou to drink. I would recommend it

Sasha4

I actually enjoy my evenings now Ready.

I love being in bed, when my daughter is in bed reading or being here.

I don't feel like I am searching for things to occupy me now.
I am happy pottering at home.

I look back to those evenings of drinking and think how awful they must have been, just sat there drinking glass after glass of wine.

xxxx

AM37

Thanks to all of you. I can't believe the support out there and the similarities to my circumstances. I'm clearly not a freak and not on my own. I'm looking forward to freedom Friday and the positive things it will bring. One more day & I'm free. I will look at the book 'rational recovery' too. Thanks for the tip.

ReadyAtLast

Why not just stop tonight AM. Make today your day 1 then Friday will be day 3

edit-unless it's onlyFridays you drink on,not sure

AM37

Hi, freedom Friday finally arrived this morning and I welcomed it with open arms. I am really fed up of just sitting drinking glass after glass of wine, not remembering going to bed, having little recollection of the conversations I've had and then walking up with a fuzzy head, feeling sick, binge eating and then getting home & doing it all again! I must be crazy. It's nice to read all your replies as your circumstances are so similar & it's good to know that there are other women out there who lost control but are now enjoying life without it.

Ready At Last - I didn't just drink on a Friday, it was every night. I chose Friday as I there would be less triggers for me this weekend than other weekends & weekdays. Plus, I felt like I needed a plan and to have the feeling of looking forward to abstinence. I received the book Rational Recovery in the post today and have started to read it. Thanks for the recommendation.

Sasha4- your comments are heart warming and ringed with that silver lining I need to focus on. Thanks.

Dee74

good for you AM37.

D

AM37

Thanks Dee74

ReadyAtLast

Well done on getting through Friday night. Hope you are feeling ok. Happy sober Saturday

keen2bclean

Hi AM37! I can relate to your story...I'm back to day one today after 4days but am determined to kick this and looking forward to a sober weekend. Good luck