Sponsorship question
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 66
Sponsorship question
Hey guys, it has been a few days. Thanks in advanced for reading. Will check back for replies later today.
Grateful to have the forum, a place more open than my local recovery community to answer questions without judgment.
Smoked 64 days into recovery. Smoking was my main/most powerful addiction. Sponsor and I got together, and he invited me to kick it. Got tired and didn't want to. Decided to stop communicating.
Attempted to communicate a week later, to see if some of the smoke settled, and still trapped deep in my head, unable to emerge, all of these walls have gone up and I don't want to let anyone in. Shrouded in shame? Perhaps, and resentment grew within me for my local community for judging me, for seeing me as indolent, unwilling to change, when really, I blame them for all these things.
People who read the same book over and over don't like to use different vocabulary. Can't even communicate with sober people unless you read that book. Refusing to identify with the different expressions and motives, thinking an open mind is nothing more than a broad vocabulary, I'm lucky I got myself into more than one conversation from the start.
Where did I go wrong? I listened only to the shares. Rarely did I look at anyone as more than a message-carrier. In a 50-person homegroup, I never once asked anyone how they did it. What was it like for them in their first month? "What was it like for you when you got into recovery?" Didn't want to tarnish my own experience.
Endurance in self-seeking is unlimited. Boundaries I built on instinct to protect myself. Lethargic in spirit, I quickly shrunk back into my little hermit hole of quirks and questions. Even sober, I'm reluctant to come all the way back out of Samesville.
Grateful to have the forum, a place more open than my local recovery community to answer questions without judgment.
Smoked 64 days into recovery. Smoking was my main/most powerful addiction. Sponsor and I got together, and he invited me to kick it. Got tired and didn't want to. Decided to stop communicating.
Attempted to communicate a week later, to see if some of the smoke settled, and still trapped deep in my head, unable to emerge, all of these walls have gone up and I don't want to let anyone in. Shrouded in shame? Perhaps, and resentment grew within me for my local community for judging me, for seeing me as indolent, unwilling to change, when really, I blame them for all these things.
People who read the same book over and over don't like to use different vocabulary. Can't even communicate with sober people unless you read that book. Refusing to identify with the different expressions and motives, thinking an open mind is nothing more than a broad vocabulary, I'm lucky I got myself into more than one conversation from the start.
Where did I go wrong? I listened only to the shares. Rarely did I look at anyone as more than a message-carrier. In a 50-person homegroup, I never once asked anyone how they did it. What was it like for them in their first month? "What was it like for you when you got into recovery?" Didn't want to tarnish my own experience.
Endurance in self-seeking is unlimited. Boundaries I built on instinct to protect myself. Lethargic in spirit, I quickly shrunk back into my little hermit hole of quirks and questions. Even sober, I'm reluctant to come all the way back out of Samesville.
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