TopFlight

Hey guys, I've sober a little over 6 weeks now. Some days are more difficult than others, but I honestly feel I got a good grasp on this and feel confident about continuing.

My question is how do you tell people that you don't drink? I've seen various answers to this in terms of some people preferring not to let all be known to everyone and others feeling the need to make it known to everyone.

I still get a bit of apprehensiveness when people offer me drinks, invite me out for drinks, and I respond I dont drink anymore, mostly because I don't feel like answering the general follow up questions. For awhile, I would just deal with each situation at a time and just say something like I can't, I gotta drive or I gotta be somewhere soon, etc........but now that people realize I'm passing on drinking a lot, should I just bust out the whole can of worms??? Only reason I really ask is because sometimes when I feel I don't say it, I question myself in the back of me head whether or not I fully committed to this and possibly if I slip up in the future, ill feel like an idiot.

ReadyAtLast

At 6 weeks I was very raw and would not have felt comfortable going out for drinks,even if I intended to have soft drinks.

If I'm already out now(8months)and someone offers me a drink I just say no thanks. Most people accept this.I've never felt the need to disclose all to everyone and am finding most people don't really care anyway.They accept I'm not drinking and move on. People who pry and push usually have their own issues with alcohol. If people do persist I say no thanks I don't drink. full stop.I'm a very private person and don't want everyone knowing all my personal demons.

MidnightBlue

Hi, TopFlight.

Congrats on 6 weeks of sobriety!

I'll hit 10 months tomorrow, still deal with each situation at the time, still works fine. Don't put the cart before the horse). I generally say that I feel much more better without drinking so I prefer not to drink.

Ok, let's imagine the worst case scenario... hypothetically... You slip, you (probably!) look like an idiot... Then what? Will be the end of your life? No. You have today. Today you quit. Today you don't drink. So, today is true and today you are fully committed.

Don't wear yourself out with thoughts and worries about what other people can think about your sobriety. Take it with a pinch of humor when next time someone asks you about this.

And, IMHO, it's really nobody's business (except very close ones, maybe) what's inside your "can of worms". Not drinking is a fine thing but itself, and doesn't' need to be justified.

Best wishes to you.

Take care)

stacia lives

I have the same problem. I am still new (only a week in), so ppl expect that I am going to drink and are surprised when I don't.
I read someone wrote "I'm getting healthy" as their response. I love MidnightBlues response "I feel better when I don't drink"
Both explain themselves, are true and don't illicit further inquest.

(PS- I said just that to a "brutally honest" friend tonight & she hesitated and I asked her to speak what was on her mind, and she mentioned the commitment issue. The only response to that is- "& that is up to ME!"

Congratulations on all of your sobriety!

dirk41

Hi Topflight,

I find just simply saying 'alcohol doesn't agree with me right now' generally works for me without people probing more or giving people too much information I'm not comfortable with.

MidnightBlue

Stacia Lives - you have THE WHOLE WEEK of sobriety! Congrats, and keep it up!

And you are absolutely right - it's up to you, your call, your life, your commitment)

Best luck to you)

hayley86

When i was in early sobriety i avoided any places where there was alcohol so avoided any questions too i couldn't have dealt with it. When i did start going out again and now (at over ten months sober) if someone offers me a drink i just say i don't drink alcohol and ask for an alternative. Or i order my own drinks and people don't usually question me on it.

When some people have asked why i don't drink i have just said i don't like to feel drunk and left it at that and it was fine. Its nobody's business but yours. Share it if you want to if you don't want to keep it to yourself. It might make more of an issue about it you tell them your whole story i personally wont do that but that's just me. Wishing you well.

FreddyBear

I agree wholeheartedly. We all know that "nobody cares" applies to all areas of life, alcohol is no exception. Everyone are focused on themselves and will forget about your drinking/non-drinking in a nanosecond.

Lightning Bug

I say I can't drink while on my meds. This is a true statement - taking psych meds with alcohol is dangerous.

stacia lives

Thank you MidnightBlue!!!!! I appreciate ya.

FreddyBear- so true, ppl are interested what's in front of them, not u.

Amajorityofone

For me its fairly easy.

I don't drink, thus I don't associate with people that do or hang out in drinking establishments.

When offered, I simply say, "no thanks."

this works 99.99999999% of the time.

ScottFromWI

The vast majority of the time, people don't care if you are drinking or not. Our alcoholic brains make us falsely assume they do. The exception would be people who were specifically drinking buddies...but you probably shouldn't be hanging out with them anyway, right?

doggonecarl

In the entire three years of being sober, all I've had to say to an offer of a drink was "No, thanks."

ScottFromWI is spot on. No one cares...except us.

If you get invited out to drink, and you don't want to go, just say no. If questioned as to why, respond however way you feel comfortable. Myself, I don't mind telling people I don't drink. No one pries, cause no one really cares.

Threshold

When it comes up, which is very rare I say "no thanks" and if it's questioned I say "I don't drink"

roberooski

This is GREAT! Thanks!!

"No one cares...except us"

jazzfish

I think if you are younger or a barfly, then there will be people who care if you drink and can get annoyingly pushy about. At those times, you may have to be extremely assertive and even get ****** with them in declining to drink. However, that is more a sign that you should walk away from those people and never go back. Getting them to "like" me is not worth my continued misery.

In all other cases "no, thanks" work very well.

flutter

I just say "I don't drink", most people don't care why and they move along. I don't want to spill my story on anyone ill-prepared to hear it, it's not really fair, nor is it anything they are interested in, to be honest. I just went to a BBQ on Sunday and the girls were doing shots, asked if I wanted one, "no thanks, I don't drink." and just got a "oh!" and a "really?" and then they were busy downing their shots. People really do care less about our life choices than we think.

Anna

I don't say 'I don't drink', but simply say 'No, thanks' and that's the end of the discussion. In my opinion, it's nobody's business but mine whether I drink or not.

dwtbd

pretty much ditto

when I drank, I didn't tell people ,when out, that after I went home the real drinking would start, not because I didn't want them to know as much as I doubt they cared

Nuudawn

I too play my cards close to my chest. When my sobriety was brand new I used a "med's ruse" as I had to attend a drinking function at work 3 days in. I will note that a woman I worked with at one time said, when declining a drink, "no thanks, I'm not much of a drinker". In my mind, she wasn't a drinker and never was. I was drinking at that time and I thought "oh wow, look at you..ya just never got into the whole drinking gig". I've toyed with the idea of using that line with strangers as it gives a whole other impression cuz I got the impression she was somehow smarter than the rest of us..lol.