Acheleus

So I start teaching today and I realize I am afraid of growth. Part of me wants to hide and remember the good days I had with a girl I really loved. To stay sober I have to be alone, but I am so scared to learn how to teach. I do not want to come across as a weak alcoholic.

Climber122

Careful of pride - being "weak" is actually what makes us strong. Admitting defeat - humility - seeking the Will of something outside of us. "How can I be useful today?" is a good place to start. We all have fear that needs to be dealt with to stay sober. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You can't control whether someone else stays sober or not, if that's the kind of teaching you are referring to.

Acheleus

I don't want to come across as an alcoholic who hates himself to my students. I'm good at acting though, so I guess teaching will just be another role I can play, put a smile on my face, fake some enthusiasm, then go cry in my bedroom. Maybe I am just nervous because I have never taught before. Don't really know what is wrong with me.

Nuudawn

You need to step outside of "yourself" and focus on the task at hand. Students are there to learn. They don't come to class for the purpose of judging their teacher. You are there to bring knowledge. You are there to offer something. Do you have knowledge tg share?

elderine

Hi Acheleus. I started teaching about ten years ago, and was so nervous I was unable to sleep each night before class. I'm a shy person and I hate any kind of public speaking, so it really was a challenge. To me it absolutely felt like I was acting for the first few weeks, and in some ways it still does, but I find that now I can sort of go into a "teacher routine." It's like a separate and slightly different persona I put on. I don't think there's anything wrong with that - I think it's necessary in most jobs. Anyway, I hope it goes well and I'm sure you'll get the hang of it soon.

SereneEdition

Hi acheleus -

Stepping outside your mind can definitely help. Why not take the teaching equivalent of "one day at a time" and try to focus on "how can I make this lesson memorable" approach.

Memorable being the key to student learning.

Acheleus

I am not scared. I do have knowledge about literature and writing so I think I can help them learn in their composition class. I have read and written about literature for a long time, so I do know some things.

Jeni26

Teaching is all about acting. As soon as you are with your students they take all of your focus. For the time you are with them, everything else fades into insignificance.

Teaching is magical. You will love it x

Acheleus

Thank you Jeni. I taught one week of classes last semester and kind of felt what you are talking about. I'm gonna be ok, I just have to breathe and hope they don't eat me alive.

SereneEdition

That's great news!

Once you get started, it should all start to flow then. Hardest part is getting started. You'll do great tomorrow!

Nuudawn

Well then ..that's the focus. You have some gifts to share. It's about them...not about you. I hope you take that in the loving way its intended my friend. I'm assuming you have a passion for the written word (I know I do)...share your passion.

Acheleus

I will Nuudawn. I will keep my alcoholism out of my "professional" life. Being an alcoholic doesn't mean that is ALL I am, so I am trying to come to terms with that. I just wish I didn't have to feel so bad today, but maybe I will forget about my troubles once I start focusing on the students.

doggonecarl

Guess what, you aren't playing teacher, you are one! There are few jobs that can be more meaningful. Embrace the challenge.

Acheleus

I will accept the challenge. Teaching two classes back to back, and the first one starts in an hour and a half. Gonna walk down to the room in thirty minutes and get there early. Really want a cigarette but trying to stop myself from buying a pack.

Nuudawn

To be honest Acheleus...I rarely ever define myself as an "alcoholic". I don't like the word because somehow if I do, it comes to the forefront of who I am..and it's not! I don't drink anymore. Been there, done that. I wasted half my life as a drunkard and I don't want to waste anymore. And because I drank half my life away I'm suddenly forced to grow up at middle age..and it sucks. I hate that I am this old with the frustration tolerance of a 13 year old and the emotional intelligence of..well, maybe a 15 year old : ) But dammit..I'm not giving away anymore brain cells or maturity to dousing my issues in alcohol. It's stupid...and poopy head : )

Acheleus

Yea we can all help each other grow. I just need to work on my self-confidence. Without booze I have to learn how to believe in my self again. You are doing great in your sobriety Nuudawn, you always help so many people on SR. Thank you.

Nuudawn

Aw thank you Ache..so nice of you to say. I hear you...sometimes it feels like my skin don't fit right. I feel awkward and conspicuous. You and I will both "grow out" of that : )

Acheleus

Well just returned from the two classes, and somehow I actually made both classes laugh multiple times, but I didn't think what I said was funny, but I did feel relaxed and didn't think about my alcoholism, embarrassing drunks about town, etc. So I feel good and they all talk a lot, which is good for class discussion, and they were all sensible, nice people. Got to watch out for the young women trying to flirt for a grade though. I hope I didn't make a fool out of myself, like when I was listing stuff I wrote a strange looking five and they laugh, then I fixed it and they laugh. Maybe my sense of humor comes out when I teach. Got to read for class tomorrow and bust my ass again, so I am another day sober and deeper in debt. Thanks for all the encouragement guys.

Acheleus

Oh, and damn chinese people don't like cheese. I asked everyone to say where they were from and their favorite cheese, and the chinese people said they did not like cheese. Messed that one up I guess.

Soberpotamus

Soooooo proud of you!!! That is so great So happy it turned out like this for you! I had a feeling you'd be just fine... and lol about the cheese.