Hi I'm Zoe.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
Hi I'm Zoe.
I've been 'giving up' alcohol, on and off for abour 4 years now. Most I've abstained was around 4-5 weeks. It was always a couple of bottles of wine, once or twice a week, but last week, it was 2 bottles every day for 7 days.
In the middle of all this, I decided to text my daughter and tell her I was suicidal and had a knife (I'm so ashamed now), and my Doctor and the Police arrived. Never been so ashamed in my life.
My daughter has been brilliant about it all and more concerned that I was depressed, than the worry I had given to her (on her bday- to make matters worse) I feel like a prize (well you know).
The stupid thing is, I wasn't depressed before I started drinking it all and don't usually behave like that. I wouldn't hurt my daughter for the world.
So, this time is IT! It's day 4 now, so the fog is just clearing and this time next year, I will be saying day 369.
I dread to imagine what you must all think of me
I was determined to be honest though, or not much point being here.
Thanks for listening x
In the middle of all this, I decided to text my daughter and tell her I was suicidal and had a knife (I'm so ashamed now), and my Doctor and the Police arrived. Never been so ashamed in my life.
My daughter has been brilliant about it all and more concerned that I was depressed, than the worry I had given to her (on her bday- to make matters worse) I feel like a prize (well you know).
The stupid thing is, I wasn't depressed before I started drinking it all and don't usually behave like that. I wouldn't hurt my daughter for the world.
So, this time is IT! It's day 4 now, so the fog is just clearing and this time next year, I will be saying day 369.
I dread to imagine what you must all think of me
I was determined to be honest though, or not much point being here.Thanks for listening x
(previously uksupport)
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 91
Welcome Zoe, i joined myself just yesterday too. There is a thread on this page for the class of august, your welcome to join in there 
.
I've found this site so supportive and such a good read to find i'm not alone or unique.
.I've found this site so supportive and such a good read to find i'm not alone or unique.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Zoe
This is a place where you can be entirely honest and no one will judge you. I am glad you posted. You'll find lots of support here and information about methods and other support available to you. Have you considered getting face to face support before too? x
This is a place where you can be entirely honest and no one will judge you. I am glad you posted. You'll find lots of support here and information about methods and other support available to you. Have you considered getting face to face support before too? x
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
Thanks so much xx
Uksupport, nice to hear from a fellow Britxx
Hypochondriac Thank you, I nearly didn't dare come back to see if anyone had replied. I did phone AA when all this happened last Thurs and a lovely lady, came and took me to a meeting. (I was drunk, but quietly so). She wouldn't even let me pay her for her car costs and it's miles out of her way. I just don't know if it's for me xx
I think the shock of actually upsetting my daughter so badly and the doctor and police arriving, has really finally got through to me. I can't believe my daughter is being so kind to be honest - she's worth way more than anthing in a bottle xx
Uksupport, nice to hear from a fellow Brit
xxHypochondriac Thank you, I nearly didn't dare come back to see if anyone had replied. I did phone AA when all this happened last Thurs and a lovely lady, came and took me to a meeting. (I was drunk, but quietly so). She wouldn't even let me pay her for her car costs and it's miles out of her way. I just don't know if it's for me xx
I think the shock of actually upsetting my daughter so badly and the doctor and police arriving, has really finally got through to me. I can't believe my daughter is being so kind to be honest - she's worth way more than anthing in a bottle xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
"I dread to imagine what you must all think of me I was determined to be honest though, or not much point being here.
A long time ago I was told what other people thought of me is none of my business! Didn't like it but it's true. Being honest with our selves is far more important. BE WELL
A long time ago I was told what other people thought of me is none of my business! Didn't like it but it's true. Being honest with our selves is far more important. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
No judgement from me Zoe.
I have brought the police to my door due to drunken acts, if that makes you feel any better.
I now have over 530 days without a drink.
Mostly due to SR and some lifestyle changes.
I got a low battery on this, but I am going to come back and post again if that is alright with you?
Wishing you the best. Xxxx
I have brought the police to my door due to drunken acts, if that makes you feel any better.
I now have over 530 days without a drink.
Mostly due to SR and some lifestyle changes.
I got a low battery on this, but I am going to come back and post again if that is alright with you?
Wishing you the best. Xxxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
There are a lot of other options than AA Zoe. You might find some local meetings run in your area by an addiction agency. They tend not to advertise stuff so it's best to give them a ring. Often they have groups and one to one support and also doctors on staff. Phone drinkline if you can't find anything and I am sure they'd be able to point you in the right direction. Also check out SMART recovery and AVRT (Rational Recovery). If groups aren't your thing I am sure you will find the support here invaluable (thought technically we are a group too 
) and there is a lot of varied literature out there that can help x
) and there is a lot of varied literature out there that can help x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 257
Hi Zoe! No judgment here. I lurked around SR for about 5 months and finally joined the August 2013 class. Best move I've made in a long time! The people here are awesome. I'm working on day 8 and it feels wonderful! You opened up and that took strength!!! You've made a good move by coming here. I know I did.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
Thanks both I have to pop offline for a while (peel potatoes and all that wonderfully interesting stuff), but I promise I WILL be back in a couple of hours. I feel so at home already xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have to pop offline for a while (peel potatoes and all that wonderfully interesting stuff), but I promise I WILL be back in a couple of hours. I feel so at home already xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. I am glad you found us. You will find a lot of support and encouragement here on SR.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Hi Zoe. You are not alone! I have also felt suicidal when drunk (never while sober). Years ago, after drinking way too much, I took all my prescription Xanax (I'm not on this anymore--it was for situational PTSD), while texting my sister, who called the hospital. It was a complete mess. I ended up in the behavioral ward for 3 days.
Got out. Drank AGAIN that night, threatened to take a knife from the bartender (to cut myself). He called the police, who took me handcuffed back to the hospital, where I spent 5 days back in the behavioral ward. That was December 2007. I am not this person, never this person when sober. I was so embarrassed. I almost lost my job. And, unlike you, I didn't learn from that--I stopped drinking for only about a month and then went right back to it, and have done many more embarrassing, dangerous things over the past 5 1/2 years when drunk. I have finally had enough. Today I am on day 12.
I hope I'm not oversharing--I just want you to know that you are definitely not alone in being mortified at having done something you'd never dream of doing when sober. SR is a wonderful, non-judgmental supportive community, and I am so grateful that I found it!
Got out. Drank AGAIN that night, threatened to take a knife from the bartender (to cut myself). He called the police, who took me handcuffed back to the hospital, where I spent 5 days back in the behavioral ward. That was December 2007. I am not this person, never this person when sober. I was so embarrassed. I almost lost my job. And, unlike you, I didn't learn from that--I stopped drinking for only about a month and then went right back to it, and have done many more embarrassing, dangerous things over the past 5 1/2 years when drunk. I have finally had enough. Today I am on day 12.
I hope I'm not oversharing--I just want you to know that you are definitely not alone in being mortified at having done something you'd never dream of doing when sober. SR is a wonderful, non-judgmental supportive community, and I am so grateful that I found it!
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Welcome to SR Zoe.
Good news that you have been to AA,a good idea is to go back to several more meetings,don't judge it on one meeting.Most people take a while to settle in.
Wishing you well
Good news that you have been to AA,a good idea is to go back to several more meetings,don't judge it on one meeting.Most people take a while to settle in.
Wishing you well
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
Hi Pete. Miraculously, I've always managed to hide it from her, so am praying she considers it a 'one-off-out-of-character' type of thing. She lives with her partner and so even though we only live about half a mile, with her work and everything, we tend text and email more than anything (she works full-time) x
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