jojoreese

Hello.

I am new here - this is my first post. Last night I got really drunk on our last night of a weeklong family vacation. I fought (verbally) with my teenage son; I missed our last supper with the other family we went to Florida with, and I stayed up sobbing most of the night. I begged my wonderful husband to take our kids and get them away from me. I begged for him to put me in rehab. I kept telling him I am broken, but I don't know why or how to fix myself.

He refused. He said we can do this together. He wants me to start talking to a counselor and find a hobby and talk to others going through what I'm going through (that's why I'm here). But he said rehab is jumping all the way to the end without trying anything first.

I don't drink every day, but when I drink, it gets out of control and I can't stop until I feel drunk. It has progressed from once a week to up to 4 times a week. I have a successful career in a leadership position; I have three gorgeous children; I have the kind of marriage little girls dream of, so what the hell is wrong with me? I can hold it all together and no one really sees the true me except those I love the most. It's a big secret to everyone outside this house.

So, can I do this without rehab? I can't do AA because of my position and being in a small town. I feel overwhelmed tonight - confused... but so determined to do this for my family. I want my husband to have back "the woman I married nine years ago before this all started." He deserves it - I know I deserve it too, I just don't feel like I deserve a whole lot at this point...

I am going to try to stay active on here, and I would appreciate any words of advice!

resolute50

Hi jojo

Welcome to SR.
I would have to say that you most definitely can quit without rehab or AA.
But, it will take a lot of determination to do it.

You'll find a lot of support here from all kind of good people going through recovery.

And you deserve to be the woman you want to be.

Nighthawk8820

Only you can decide what will work for you, no one else can. I was a black out every night drunk for years, and then one day I was sick of it and just stopped. It was unpleasant at first as I went into withdrawal, but as time went on, life opened up for me and I just started pushing myself to grow and change, to challenge everything I thought I knew, and to keep an open mind. Now I am at 2 years and 3 months of sobriety, and I am really enjoying it. Sure I get cranky or have off days like everyone else, but I dont miss the booze.

You can break the cycle and change your whole life and outlook, but the alcohol has to go. Try everything you can, research the crap out of alcoholism, and be prepared to put your whole self into recovery and making changes. Good luck.

pennyroyaltea

I think it's a great idea for you to see a therapist and try to figure out what is triggering you to drink. With that support, you're own motivation, the support you get here and from your husband, there's a good chance you won't need rehab or AA, but I wouldn't rule anything out right now...just take it one step at a time.

freshstart57

Hi JoJo, welcome to SR and glad you found us. There is indeed a lot of support here for you, no matter what your situation is, and regardless of the approach that will be best for you.

Many of us have gotten solidly permanently sober with AA and many without, too. If you think a non-12 step approach is what you are looking for, pop over to the Secular Connections forum page and start reading and posting. Believe you deserve a sober life, believe in yourself, and you will make it happen because you can.

Best to you.

soberbythesea

Hi and welcome

I can't and won't speak for anyone else, but I am almost a year sober with no rehab or AA. The only place I have ever discussed my alcoholism is here, as well as with my husband.

I don't know if you need rehab to get sober, but I certainly didn't. What I needed was to change my mindset, and I didn't need anyone else to do that for me. It was a change I made in my own head and heart.

coraltint

Welcome to SR, jojo!

I think one of the most important things for me in recovery was finding out that I wasn't alone. A lot of people have done everything I (and you) have done when they went off the rails & lost control of their drinking. Knowing that I'm not from Mars, didn't invent any of this, and having a community of people who are helping each other get through life sober has been crucial for me.

I know doctors, lawyers, skid row winos, derivative traders, people who've blown out their livers and killed people drunk driving.....you name it. We are learning from each other how to get through life without the drink. I couldn't quit by myself....I tried a thousand times. Hanging out with these drunks & junkies works. I don't know why & I don't need to know why.

The groups I hang with are AA groups, but I think getting connected via SR might work if you really think AA is not an option for you. Get connected here & stay connected. With the experience & strength of others, you may be able to pull it off.

Good luck, keep coming back here!!

Tang

There are a lot of people worried about losing their job "going public." Conversely I have known leaders who let it be known they couldn't drink anymore and found new respect from those around them.

Therapy never hurts (only your wallet). I'm in a profession where we're expected to drink with clients. You can imagine the psychological turmoil this puts on me trying to quit. It's worth it for your family.

least

I went to rehab but it didn't get me sober. What got me sober was wanting to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I stay sober with regular counseling and daily visits to SR... and I'm going on four years now. If I can do it, so can you.

wakko

I believe that a program of recovery is very difficult to do by yourself. It is very difficult to do under any circumstances but by yourself darn near impossible. I find the people that get sober are the ones that address the following

Physiological: go to a doctor and get a baseline on your health. there are new drugs that may help, exercise and vitamins are always good thing

Spiritual: I had to develop a relationship with something bigger than myself

Psychological: I believe that alcoholism is this symptom of other things. I had to learn how to live with the wreckage of the past, learn how to live in the day, and not obsess on the future. I had to learn to live with life on life's terms

Social: I had to develop new friends, be willing to say no to situations that could lead me to drink, develop new activities and start doing new things

Practical: I had to be taught things like removing alcohol from my house, not going to drinking situations, knowing when I was hungry angry lonely or tired.


For me I learned these things through intensive outpatient therapy, AA, and multiple people that have long-term sobriety

LDT

Hi JoJo,

I do understand what you are saying. Your story could have been my own. I ended more than a few vacations just that way. I was willing to go to rehab, but very long story short, we chose a different path ( for many reasons). My husband said "I just want my wife back". So I gave me back to him....and my children. They say it's not easy, but it's simple. And I found that to be correct. Like least, I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. There are many different paths to recovery. Choose one that fits YOU.

IOAA2

For me getting sober finally was like the tip of the iceberg. We drank for reasons that need discovering and addressing otherwise relapses occur and the results are usually worse. Surrender and self honesty are super important as we often BS ourselves back into drinking. Continued drinking can easily lead to losing all we have and ever dreamed of having. We set bad examples for our children and our immaturity, resolve seldom are at a level we admire which can lead to more drinking. Ask How I found this out.

Anna

I often say, it's more about the motivation you have than whatever program you choose.

I didn't go to rehab and I'm not in AA and have been in recovery for years. If you want this, you will be able to do it, and you will always find lots of support here.

Hevyn

Hi jojo. Glad you are here with us and reaching out for support. When I joined SR I felt a huge sense of relief - everyone understood me and wanted to help.

I agree with Anna about motivation. I have over 5 yrs. sober just using SR and my intense fear of ever being out of control again. You are right to be concerned for your future - I drank that same way for years & ended up drinking 24/7. I was totally dependent on it at the end of my drinking career. This never needs to happen to you jojo. You can do this.