DragynLady

Hi, I'm a 34 year old mom of two beautiful girls, 7 and 5. My husband and I have been marred for more than 11 years... all of that time he has been an alcoholic, although I've been wiling to cover for him and say it was "that bad."

Well, it is.

He was going to AA regularly and in an outpatient day program for half the day, but he managed to get himself kicked out... a week after I gave him an ultimatum that the lies, the hiding, and the other issue would stop.

So I have had to stick to my ultimatum. Part of our deal is that if he wants to stay with us, he has to be in treatment. Since he was kicked out of his day program, that means long-term substance abuse recovery in a residential situation.

For a minimum of six months. Up to a year.

I'm terrified and exhausted just thinking about it, but this is what he needs, so we're doing this. I don't really know what to expect from him, nor the program. All I know is that it's also got a work requirement (he hasn't worked for 5+ years) which I'm kinda happy about. Yay more income?

So anyway. That's my life, and what has driven me to seek help online. I do attend Al Anon 1-3 times a week myself, and it's been a godsend.

wiscsober

DragynLady You will find a lot of support here for yourself. Fantastic you are attending Alanon. Time to take care of yourself and the little one. I know you will also help others here at SR. Already have. Pulling for you!

dandylion

DragynLady, wow--6mo. to a year in residential treatment is quite a long time. you (and he) are lucky to have that kind of care available!!

dandylion

Skymitchg

Good for you for sticking to your ultimatum! That is a long time in care. I hope that it helps him. I've only made it to two alanon meetings so far, I have far to go, it's good to hear from others that it helps.

Seren

Hello DragynLady, and Welcome!

I'm glad your husband has agreed to go to inpatient treatment...now you can decompress, enjoy the peace, and keep working on you

Hopefully, this center where he will be has family therapy sessions. That might be helpful, too? Entirely your call, though.

Welcome, again!

DragynLady

Yeah, I'm going to do family therapy regardless; his instructor from the day class also gave us a list of resources here in town.

Skymitchg- Al Anon has been unbelievably helpful for me. In more than just dealing with him, in everything. I'm less angry, I yell at the girls less often. It's helping me learn to cope.

I'd have gone quite mad without it!

DragynLady

We went to the appointment on Friday. Looks like the program is 6 months; he'll be there round the clock, but can earn day passes and there will be weekly visitation after the first two weeks of intense therapy.

He's feeling better about it, thankfully. It sounds like it's going to be good, and teach him a lot of life skills.

lsw2boys

Hi there, I am new to SR also..have found unbelievable support and kindness through just reading others stories/threads. I have an AH of 11 years with two boys (7 and 10) that have been the source of my joy and living. I have been contemplating what to do in my marriage as AH is still actively drinking. Did your AH acknowledge his problem prior to ultimatum? Good for you in attending Al-Anon..I have read the literature for a number of years but I need to begin attending meetings. What are you finding most helpful at this point in your situation? Thanks for sharing and welcome!!

DragynLady

Thankfully yes, he did; he was actively in treatment, but still fighting the problem, and unwilling to acknowledge how deeply it went. He owned being an alcoholic, but not a prescription drug abuser, and wasn't willing to do the work.

He is now.

I hope.