Relapse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Relapse.
I had 33 days of sobriety and I threw it all away on thursday, and for what? I took the pills, threw up, sat in bed thinking "why the f**k did I do this?" 
The next day(yesterday) I went to a meeting and celebrated 30 days clean because I was too embaressed and ashamed to tell everyone that I did it AGAIN. I feel so guilty for collecting dirty clean time..
This morning I talked myself into taking a small amount of the drug so I could just get "a little high" , but after they kicked in I felt so horrible and guilty so I went to my mom and told her I had relapsed. She wasn't mad but she was obviously disappointed and we had a long talk.
I told my Dad when I got to his house today and we also had a talk and he's giving me a ride to a meeting later..
I feel like a big ball of sh*t
The next day(yesterday) I went to a meeting and celebrated 30 days clean because I was too embaressed and ashamed to tell everyone that I did it AGAIN. I feel so guilty for collecting dirty clean time..
This morning I talked myself into taking a small amount of the drug so I could just get "a little high" , but after they kicked in I felt so horrible and guilty so I went to my mom and told her I had relapsed. She wasn't mad but she was obviously disappointed and we had a long talk.
I told my Dad when I got to his house today and we also had a talk and he's giving me a ride to a meeting later..
I feel like a big ball of sh*t
Jules
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 279
Its part of the process. Don't feel like a ball of ****. And your not the only one that has lied in AA about sober time either. Not sure if coming clean with the AA people might be the right thing to do though? You'll have to figure that one out.
At least you came clean to your mom and dad and are reaching out for support. That is exactly what you are supposed to do about something like this. And next time when you think about using you can come back and read this post and then get your ass to a meeting.
I think drugs feel good at first and then eventually they start to feel bad. We keep trying t use like the old days but in the end it just feels crappy. Thanks for the reminder though because I am struggling a bit myself today. I should know better but that voice has been talking to me.....trying to take me back out.
Your not bad. I would just seriously think about the incident and what you can do in the future to avoid relapsing.
At least you came clean to your mom and dad and are reaching out for support. That is exactly what you are supposed to do about something like this. And next time when you think about using you can come back and read this post and then get your ass to a meeting.
I think drugs feel good at first and then eventually they start to feel bad. We keep trying t use like the old days but in the end it just feels crappy. Thanks for the reminder though because I am struggling a bit myself today. I should know better but that voice has been talking to me.....trying to take me back out.
Your not bad. I would just seriously think about the incident and what you can do in the future to avoid relapsing.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Don't beat yourself up! Kudos to you for coming clean with your mom and dad. That is HUGE in my opinion! And you had 33 days clean so don't begrudge yourself the 30 day chip award! You made it past 30 days before relapsing.
The old saying goes "If you have one foot in the past and the other foot in the future, you p*ss all over today." TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME!
The old saying goes "If you have one foot in the past and the other foot in the future, you p*ss all over today." TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Jake,
changing our habbits is difficult , 33 days is a great start . You thought the old habbit might ease your suffering but it didn't .
Get on with your new sober habbit , don't give up on yourself and keep on working at making your life glorious .
m
changing our habbits is difficult , 33 days is a great start . You thought the old habbit might ease your suffering but it didn't .
Get on with your new sober habbit , don't give up on yourself and keep on working at making your life glorious .
m
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. You are definitely not the only one to go through this. I've already relapsed twice since coming into AA in February. I remember how scary it was to come clean to my mum each time. In fact, I didn't tell her straight away either time so well done for telling your parents so soon.
I also know the thought of telling people in the rooms is scary. When I told people in AA I thought they were going to roll their eyes and distance themselves from me, but they've actually drawn nearer and are doing everything they can to help me. If you're able to go to a meeting and just say what happened, I'm sure you'll get the help you need and deserve.
And no one can those 33 days from you Jake. The most important thing is that you're still trying. Keep trying and you'll get it.
I also know the thought of telling people in the rooms is scary. When I told people in AA I thought they were going to roll their eyes and distance themselves from me, but they've actually drawn nearer and are doing everything they can to help me. If you're able to go to a meeting and just say what happened, I'm sure you'll get the help you need and deserve.
And no one can those 33 days from you Jake. The most important thing is that you're still trying. Keep trying and you'll get it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Clifton
Posts: 243
You deserved that chip... No one can take away those 33 days. AA members will definitely get even closer to you... It is the point of AA after all... I think the most important thing is that you came right back. You are getting help.. Welcome Back!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Jake - I had this happen a few times before I finally stopped for good. Sometimes we need further proof that it makes us feel lousy and is no fun anymore - ever. It only brings us regret & misery. You can get back on track and do it this time.
I'm glad you came clean to your parents - I'm sure it helped to have them to talk it over with. We know you can do this Jake. Glad you wanted to discuss what happened.
I'm glad you came clean to your parents - I'm sure it helped to have them to talk it over with. We know you can do this Jake. Glad you wanted to discuss what happened.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Jake - sorry to hear you're still struggling.
Look at what happened - what could you have done better?- reach out more, be more honest with yourself and others, make more changes in your life?
look at the why too - why do you think you keep going back?
the answers to those questions may help you find a lasting solution?
D
Look at what happened - what could you have done better?- reach out more, be more honest with yourself and others, make more changes in your life?
look at the why too - why do you think you keep going back?
the answers to those questions may help you find a lasting solution?
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
