DS777

Hi All

I was sober for 35 days and for the majority of those days I felt amazing, positive, proud of myself, upbeat, eating healthy, doing exercise and all that jazz. I felt on top of the world. As some of you know I had a slip, trip, fall, or momumental c**k up and drank on one night, Sunday 4th August.

I have remained sober from the following day, but since then all that joyous, wonderful "high" of sobriety has completely vanished, vamoosh, nada, rien, kaput! It's made me completely lose my step, my focus, my drive.

Where has it gone? Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

I'm not drinking, I'm doing excercise so I don't go nuts and to try to burn off some of all this anger I have inside. I seem to have a huge amount of anger inside, its actually starting to freak me out a bit. Some days I think I'm going to turn into the incredible hulk!!

I wanted to share and ask out there if anyone else has gone through, is going through the same thing and how they dealt with it.

I'd really appreciate any feedback on this. I want to get back my focus because now I'm feeling all moody and irritable and struggling to stay sober. I wasn't feeling like that before.

D x

439trish

DS,

all I can say is it is great you stopped after the one night, hang in there and you'll find your balance again.

best regards to you, trish

nfijules

Problem for me was not getting sober...it was HOW to STAY sober. I showed proof, that my ideas were a bunch of crap.....so I was so willing to get this, I listened to other people. Then, I got God in my life. I started working with other drunks and addicts, sponsoring women.......bam, that "high" has not left. I believe that the "high" or pink cloud as others may call it, is Gods Grace.
Without a higher power in your life, whatever you choose, you WILL use/drink again. You are not all that powerful!!! I say this with all respect....I feel the best when I am out of myself and just focusing on me. Helping another has taught me to grow and mature. I found all of this by going to meetings and remaining teachable......this worked for me and it can work for you.

awuh1

Here is part of what I posted on another thread but it seems applicable here also.

The depression that fed my anger was in part biologically based and required some biological help. I found that help in regular exercise, and with both herbal and prescription remedies (at different points in time).

For the psychological component of the depression I found therapy very useful. Gratitude is also quite helpful (there is a forum here on SR called The Gratitude List). Being aware of the part my expectations play in my anger was also key.

Finally, aa helped in ways that would take too long for me to adequately express here now.

Nuudawn

Have you forgiven yourself for the "drunk on sober road"? I mean do you dwell on it awhile and then somehow blame whatever frustration crosses your path on the slip? You lost some momentum and you can't go back to whatever pink cloud you were on...but ya know..that's the past anyway. Those 35 days hopefully taught you that you preferred sober road and well, now you're passing some new scenery that wasn't the scenery of before..ah well, no worries...it will change again. Count on it : )

LadyBlue0527

DS777,

I can't profess to know what you're feeling but I can identify with how hard I would be on myself if I slipped. I think you just need to get your momentum again just like Trish is saying. It's obvious that you are very angry at yourself and you need to give yourself a break.

I'm sure that your AV is in full force right now. It feels the strongest once it's gotten the best of you.

Try looking at it this way. You probably feel like you're on day 5 right now and that's your big focus. That you had 35 days under your belt and all that is gone.

This is not the way that you need to look at it. You need to realize that in 41 days you spent FORTY of those days SOBER. THAT is HUGE!

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You'll be back to where you were in no time. Think of all the madness you would have encountered if you had never had those 35 days.

You didn't slide back into drinking, you got back on the horse and you're sober again. That is awesome! I feel bad when I see people that post daily and have a good amount of time under their belt and then a day, a few days, a week goes by without a word. We can't assume what happened but I think we have a pretty good idea.

YOU came back though, you are DETERMINED and YOU CAN DO THIS. The fact that you chose to do that is spectacular and warrants huge amounts of credit.

In fact, you have an edge right now. You understand what a slip will do to your psyche and you don't ever want to be there again. Use that information to help yourself to maintain forward.

Now, you must stand up and smile and do exactly what you see below five times!




I'm not making light of this situation, I always find that allowing a little humor in sometimes helps. I hope this makes you feel better.

Soberpotamus

Since alcohol is a depressant after all, it's good to keep in mind that this high feeling may be squashed because of the effects... so try not to put too much stock into feelings right now in the game... just do all you can to stay sober to give your brain and body time to heal. It does work itself out. I felt amazingly better at 90 days... so hang in there.

The anger is normal. I was incredible hulk too! Lol! That also will work itself out. Group therapy, individual therapy, crying... journaling... all of this works wonders.

Eleni58

I have not experienced any anger during my recovery. I'm on day 15 and riding high on the pink cloud right now. However, I did not get experience the pink cloud feeling until a few days ago. Up until then, I was still kind of in a fog. Not real happy, but not real sad either.

I would suggest you get counseling in order to learn how to deal with and manage your anger.

Wharf Rat

Whenever I feel very angry its because I know I can't drink, but I really want to!!! Basically every thought, emotion, and feeling I have is about alcohol. I am going to AA, some use AVRT (?), others therapy, diet and exercise. I think you should define what helped you stay sober those 35 days and get back to it..

DS777

Hi LadyBlue, thanks for your post but what does AV mean? And what is AVRT?

x

Isaiah

This is something that hits a lot of us. The term "pink cloud" is one I hear a lot to describe it. There is often a big rush that comes with the initial burst of sobriety. It's not a bad thing but sometimes it does make us lose focus and we forget to be aware of the awful spot we just pulled ourselves out of.

You hit a snag that's caught many, many of us at one time or another. If you feel like the happy bubble you were in burst, don't worry, it will come back. Just take this as a learning curve and the next time you should be more aware of when your thoughts might be leading you back into another Aug. 4th. Sobriety takes practice and sometimes practicing leads to a mistake, but if you find a way to learn from it you're only going to be stronger for it.

LadyBlue0527

'
I've heard AV referred to both as Addictive Voice or Alcoholic Voice. You've heard it. It's the one that speaks to you and tells you that you need a drink. It's also what's speaking when you say things such as "I'll just have a few because this time is going to be different, I know it". Your brain knows that the statement that you just made is entirely false. You already know full well when you pick up that first drink that it won't be just a few. However, your AV will convince you that you can.

Another way of putting it too is it's your mouth talking when your brain knows better.


I hope that helps.

Edit: Oops, meant to add that AVRT is Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. This teaches you to realize when what you're saying or thinking is a rational thought OR if it's your AV talking to you.

Ladybug2

Hi DS777, same thing happened to me. I had 48 days of being on that "pink cloud" and had a small slip one night back in June. Ever since it has been so hard to get that feeling and momentum back. I came right back after the slip and have been sober (well, with the exception of 2 separate occasions that were weeks apart) since, but it has been a struggle. I think, for me, I just kept beating myself up about losing those 48 days and having to start over. I am on now on Day 8, again, and am finally starting to get that positive, upbeat feeling back, but I think the key is to let go of our past mistakes (slips). We didn't "lose" that sober time and the days will start to build up again if we let them Hope this helps

duane1

I'd say your addiction has seen the opening in the door and stuck it's foot in it. Only way to get that door shut again is to remain sober and show your addiciton who is in charge. Self doubt gives your AV strength. Best way I have found to shut my AV down is to tell it that you will never have a drink again and mean it.

Michael66

Hi DS

Sounds like a case of three steps forward and one back. It was great you were feeling high (I just felt rubbish for 3 months) but perhaps you were always going to come back down at some point. I'm sure you'll have more highs though - as well as just appreciating the sober walk at ground level.

Don't beat yourself up - and don't think you've done something to wreck the high. I'm sure highs and lows will always be with us.

Well done on getting straight back on the wagon!

Be blessed +

Michael

DS777

I'm gutted, I didn't even realise I was on a pink cloud :o(

ippochick

i did exactly this. slipped at 45 days, back at day 8 and struggling hard.

just had a weeks holiday (sober) with husband and daughter and it was great. back to group next week. i too hope the positivity kicks back in.

hang in there...it's all we can do.

DS777

Its definitely a learning curve hey? I never knew about the AV before and yet now, it all makes so much sense. I can't believe it, my AV has been in control for years but I never saw it like I'm seeing it now.

I think I've been suppressing all my emotions with alcohol over the years, instead of dealing with them and now it's like it's all bubbling up to the surface.

courage2

Hi DS777,

I sure can't say what's going on w/you, but maybe the "high" when you first cleaned up was kind of illusory, like you think you had it all solved & everything would be hunky-dory, and maybe that's why you slipped.... and then, maybe the anger and bad feelings since are due to the understanding sinking in: sobriety is for real.

i'm strictly a road-trudger myself. Never flew on that pink cloud, yet. Some days it's hard just not drinking. Other days are better, and some are the closest I've been to happy in many years. But it's definitely going to be a long slow process for me to learn to handle "life on life's terms."

Stay sober and keep it in the day!

DS777

I thought I'd share something I just read for all of us who are struggling. It talks about staying conscious (present) during difficult times so we emerge stronger from life's dark periods.

It says "to be human is to be lost in the woods...although they are dark and dangerous, its in the woods that we discover our strengths. If we can stay awake (present) when our lives are changing, secrets will be revealed to us".

I think this means facing our pain, not hiding from it or as I did, drinking it away. In the short term it says its painful but in the long term there is nothing more enriching.

Don't know if that helps anyone?

Sort of makes me feel there's something good/positive/life changing to come out of all of this?