Acheleus

Ok, sorry to start a thread about this, but I need advice. Tonight I went to hang out with some people in my program who were drinking at their house, and I declined beer but sat there and laughed, joked, acted fairly normal. Well before I left a guy I have never hung out with invited me to a brewery tomorrow, and I just said, "ok, yea call me." And now I feel bad if I ignore him or say, "oh sorry I can't come." But what the hell am I going to drink in a brewery? And I just hate being a damn alkie because I can't go and have a good time relaxing like normal people. Any advice on what to do? I am on day 7 of no cigs or beer. But I don't have any friends and it would be nice to hang out with someone.

Soberpotamus

You could ask for a club soda & cranberry with a twist of lime on the rocks. It's good stuff.

Think you can go there and resist the temptation though? Cause that's priority #1.

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newpower

I would say put your sobriety first. Who cares what people think. I wouldn't go myself it would be a real excuse to drink Because everyone else is.

Do you want sobriety or do you want to not upset people.

When I was active in my addiction I didn't care about feelings put yourself first.

legna

I know this will be a stretch of the imagination, but most normal people don't need or even use alcohol to relax and have a good time. It's likely that you've surrounded yourself with people who drink and so all you see are people that drink.

It wasn't that different for me. Now, I find it hard to find someone who drinks. I got a bottle of wine for a gift from someone in business recently and I had a hard time finding someone to take it - I don't know any drinkers anymore.

Acheleus

No. I don't even want to go really, but I would like to hang out with someone from my program. Most people in the prog don't like me, or they don't approach me or treat me like I'm even there. So I guess I will just sit home alone reading and writing. Thanks Jennie.

Acheleus

Yea these are guys in their twenties in a college town...Not much else to do but drink, alcohol is everywhere. I just want to go live in a damn log cabin or something. Alcoholics shouldn't have children. Well, no, I just wish my mother and grandfather and father hadn't given me the alkie gene or whatever. I feel like my head is going to explode, but I have to start teaching Monday so I will just prepare for that.

Nuudawn

Gosh..I know you want to connect with some people. And I know it's not really comfortable making a big "hoo haw" bout the alcohol issue with people you don't know that well. And quite frankly, it's too much information to people you hardly know. People may disagree, but it's still "very personal" information that you are able to disclose to people you are comfortable disclosing it too when you choose to. Quite frankly I only need share something so personal with people I trust.

If you become buddies with this guy..well, maybe further down the line you can say more about your reasons for sobriety. How bout a "med's" ruse for right now? Or medical/health issue (not far from the truth)...be vague but be firm.

Soberpotamus

Yeah I was gonna say tell them you are either on a diet right now and going "no alcohol" or you are on some meds and it's doctors orders.

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Linnie

You can use the cigs! For once in your life smoking will come in handy. You can tell the fella that you've decided to quit smoking and so you are off the sauce because it triggers you to smoke. No one but a sociopath would tell you that smoking isn't a problem for your health to get you to drink with them. Would I go? No. But I get being in a new place and networking. I couldn't go to a brewery because I'm a huge fan of beer. And fancy craft beers are especially tantalizing to me. If you feel strong enough not to drink, you can definitely bust out the tobacco as an excuse not to. Maybe sit on the patio if it's nice, that way it won't be in your face.

Acheleus

But I already told him "yeah, see you tomorrow." And when I got home this guy sent me a text saying 'Thanks for coming over. I really look forward to getting to hang out with you, etc' Why do people have to send me things like that? I guess I will just tell him I had to make a doctor's appointment or something.

Soberpotamus

Sounds like you are making new friends, Mr. Professor Hey, that's great!

But guard your sobriety with everything you've got!! So, if you can't go, so be it.

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Soberpotamus

Let us know how your day goes...

Acheleus

At home reading. I think I am going to smoke until I get longer sobriety. It is too hard for me to do both.

Olive1

Hi Acheleus,

If you really don't want to go, then definately don't go. I would just tell him, thanks for the invite, scheduling conflict, but would like a rain check.
Did you ever find a decent AA meeting? That might be a place to find like-minded folks to hang with.
Congratulations on your continuing sobriety!

Olive1

Oh, and I am not advising you to start smoking, but I never would have been able to quit smoking and drinking at the same time. I quit smoking before I quit drinking, but have been happily chewing the nicotine gum for a while.

trikyriky

Me too , bud

I couldn't do both