blake1989

I understand that I can't control an alcoholic's drinking. After two weeks of zero drinking, my gf fell back again last night. The night was lost, and it was terrible. This forum has helped me realize my codependent tendencies. And I'm sure I displayed many last night in how I handled her. I felt torn down and wasn't sure what to do. So I tried to protect her from herself.

Ultimately, I had to take her keys from her. Because my local liquor stores close earlier than where she lives, and she was obsessed with getting another drink after dinner, she began to panic and cry, and said she will drive home (40 miles away), and she was very inebriated. While she didn't go anywhere because she found a bar in walking distance to get one last drink, I just want to know what to do when it's a safety concern and no longer just about the pain she's causing me personally (codependent things on my part).

I'm so saddened and drained by the experience that I don't know what I should have done. She already got off with 3 yrs probation several yrs ago instead of 2 weeks in jail for a DWI. Should I have let her leave and then called the police and alerted them? I felt that taking the keys was the safest option so that's what I did.

fedupbeyondall

At that point you're protecting the other drivers on the road. I would say IMHO that taking her keys was the right thing to do.

Bluebird19

I would have, and have done the same in a similar situation. Right thing, I don't know but that's what I did. I couldn't stand thought of my alcoholic mother killing someone with her drunk driving.

dandylion

blake, there comes a point, sometimes, when one has to do what they feel strongly is morally right. What other people may think of you is none of your business.

In that situation, I would have done the same thing. Or dismantled the car in some way.


dandylion

LexieCat

I would take the keys if I could, but I recommend that you never use force to do so, nor to physically restrain her. That could expose you to domestic violence charges. If you can't get the keys and she leaves, call the police and let them handle it.

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

nbay2013

I would take the keys from anyone who was going to get into a car drunk. It does not matter at that point if they are addicts or not; or if you are co-dependent or not. I have taken keys from people a couple times in my life. Both times they acted as if I was assaulting them personally....egads! Same goes with any behavior that endangers someone else.

HopefulinFLA

Well said Dandylion.

I have taken the keys from AH more times than I can count and have taken a bit of flack over it. I do feel that it was the right thing to do. Certainly don't want to bury my husband knowing I could have done something to prevent it, and I couldn't live with myself knowing that he drove and killed someone in the process.

I've struggled with it a bit too. Is it codependent or responsible behavior, am I controlling the situation or saving a life? Doesn't much matter because I'll continue to do it. He already has one DUI accident on record. Fortunately he hit a very very large truck and lived to tell about it, no one else was injured.

Yes Blake I think you absolutely did the right thing. We can't control how they drink or mess up their lives, but we certainly try to make sure they don't end someone else's life.

Bubovski

Way back in the seventies I used to take the rotor button from my DDs car.
I was am alkie too: blind saving the blind.

Co dependency;a big problem even with sober people and you may need to try and prioritise things.

choublak

When it gets to the point where someone wants to drive drunk, taking their keys stops being codependent behavior because potentially there are other people involved.

ZenMe

Good job taking her keys! Hiding them comes to mind so she is like "i can't find my keys where did i put em..." Shall we say another eye opening moment?

The last person I took the keys from had a DUI already and was ready to drive...the hell?!

Tisa

Slip out for a quick walk with a carpet cutter and slice her tires. Someone who habitually drives drunk will not stop on their own. I know this sounds harsh-but eventually they will stop driving or stop drinking. Probably don't want this person around long term. Taking the keys was the way to go...good for you and good for everyone else out on the road.

Tisa

Blake, I just reread this note and realized I just didn't just sound a bit harsh but also a bit nutty. Taking the keys is always the best way to handle the situation-it's only when the keys are not available that you might have to actually disable the car. You are in a tough situation-keep reading and researching and take care of yourself. Best wishes, Tisa

LexieCat

Destroying other people's property is also considered domestic violence. Calling the police is a much better solution if you can't peacefully prevent someone from driving. It's their job to respond and deal with drunk drivers.

Tisa

The reality of it is that there are just not enough police to do this type of monitoring. If you can't get the keys (peacefully or otherwise) you need to disable the car somehow. You can call the police and say you've done the right thing and let it go. I would rather risk damaging someones car rather that discover that person kills themselves and/or others before the police catch up with them. There's doing the right thing and then there's doing the brave thing-and sometimes they are the same thing.

Michelangelo

Obviously, take the keys. No doubt here.