ReadyAtLast

I'm 8 months sober today and posting this in the hope it helps others. I've been on SR Newcomers more often recently and noticed some very similar type threads of people getting to a few weeks sober then questioning whether to drink again.

I'm nearly 39 and knew as soon as I started drinking in my teens that I didn't drink like others did. I was always a shy,nervous,anxious person with little self confidence and low self esteem. Suddenly I found this amazing substance that eliminated that and off I went. Teen years going out, university years going out,then working in high pressure environment where everyong drank,lunches out,functions etc.I loved it and felt everyone did it and that was life. Ok there were a few instances where I drank just a bit too much and made a fool of myself, oh and I got a DUI at 21 but everyone's done it right just probably not got caught? That's what I told myself. as I went through my 20s my drinking escalated and started to drink at home too. My friends started to settle down but I seemed to scare off men by drinking too much and doing stupid things, together with displaying needy behaviour as no self confidence when sober.

By my 30s I'd gone from the funny slightly cute 20 something who could do silly things and get away with it to being a drunken embarrassing mess. I started to mainly drink at home,it was easier. I still held down a good career,mistakenly believing I was some high functioning alcoholic as though it was some badge of honour - this term always makes me cringe now and someone else on SR summed it up perfectly- it's really just an alcoholic with a job.

Anyway in my early 30s I knew I had a serious problem.I attempted to quit many times,never made it past a month as never intended to stop forever. At 33 I attended AA briefly and enjoyed it but was just not ready to stop.

I then married and had a child. I had no trouble stopping in early pregancy ( I couldn't possibly have a problem if I could stop,surely?) I discharged myself early from hospital so I could come home and drink. being with a newborn and being hungover is no fun. I can't even believe I'm admitting this now and reading it back makes me feel so ashamed.

In Jan 2012 I came to SR under another name. I quit for 6 weeks then went back. Same in June,6 weeks sober and went back. I felt physically better and had lost weight. I just felt numb and questioned why I'd quit. Did I really have a problem? I believed if I could stop for 6 weeks and didn't have many major cravings I didn't have a problem. because I'd not had major cravings beyond the 1st week I had not developed any skills for coping with cravings when the did arise. the thoughts of drinking were on me in a matter of minutes, even seconds and I threw 6 weeks away by picking up the wine. just one glass I told myself,it turned into 2,then the next night a bottle then 2 bottles from then on.

I woke the next morning feeling lousy, full of shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, resentment, lack of hope. It was awful. I tried to quit again but felt weak, thought what's the point I obviously can't do this. so I carried on drinking for several months. I tried again in October but didn't get beyond a couple of weeks.

By December I was determined I would not start another year drunk. I thought I couldn't seriously quit in early December prior to Christmas &New Year but was so desperately unhappy and just desperate. I realized that there is never an ideal time to quit. There will always be a reason/excuse/function to drink -Christmas, New year, Thanksgiving, holiday, hen weekend, BBQ, Christening, school reunion, wedding, weekend away, anniversary etc etc etc. The only time to quit is now.I avoided trigger situations early on. Obviously I had Christmas & NY but got through that with the help of SR and urge surfing. Even breaking it down,getting it into perspective -it was only a few hours helped.

Approaching 6 weeks I was nervous as had relapsed before but said there was no way I was going through that again. It did get better though. I thought I'd always feel like I felt at 6 weeks but I didn't. It takes years to get into the states we were in and it will take longer than a few weeks to get out of them. It really does get better though. It's not easyand at times really really challenging but each time you get through it sober you feel just that little bit stronger and mentally prepared for next time

I used to read on SR about people who said there lives had improved immensely and unimaginably since they quit. I was a bit sceptical but can say mine has done the same. I've moved house, live in a lovely area, have new genuine friends and have peace of mind and a serenity that I've never had before. I accept I'm a naturally shy, quite person but you know there's nothing wrong with that. I've still got alot of work to do but realize sobriety isn't a target but an ongoing journey and learning to live life differently,and always will be. Life is life of course and there are some prettybad days but I'm able to deal with them with a better perspective. Life can be lousy but it's a hell of a lot better than it was

Acceptance has been a key thing for me in all of this-acceptance that alcohol causes me problems, acceptance that I can't just drink 1 drink, acceptance that I am a shy person, acceptance that there is nothing wrong with that. It's not defeat it's just not fighting with something anymore that I'm never going to beat. I'm no longer envious of others who drink and really don't want to drink now as don't want to lose the life I now have.

So for anyone starting out or at a few weeks, please don't give up.
for reading

MidnightBlue

Wow, ReadyAtLast! What a great post!!!!! Perfectly written and expressed.

Congrats on 8 months! It's such a great victory and awesome milestone.

2

Best luck to you)

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Midnight.Congrats on yout 10 months -hope you're doing ok

TopFlight

This is just what I needed to read. Thank you!

ReadyAtLast

Thanks TOpflight.I posted on your thread too-it was partly what prompted my post

Jeni26

That was a fantastic post RAL. I always enjoy reading what you have to say, you make such sense.

Yes, I agree. Acceptance took me a while too, but when I finally KNEW that I couldn't drink safely...that my life was much better for not having alcohol in it...that friends either accepted me as a non-drinker or they didn't and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it...that I am indeed shy and a bit of a loner... And that all these things were ok. That's when I really took off.

Congratulations on your well deserved 8 months.

Acheleus

Thank you. I am 27 and on 7 days. I relapsed after a month but your post gives me hope!

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Jeni-your posts are always inspirational for me, and a great help to me

Acheleus-Congrats on7 days.You can do this

Ptcapote

Thanks for this RAL. Our stories are almost exactly the same except I didn't have children. But everything else...yeah, same story, same age. Same, same

I love the line about a high-functioning alcoholic being a drunk with a job. That's so true. I dissuaded myself from stopping permanently because I rationalized using this excuse. Hey, I have a job! I have a career! I haven't been fired...yet.

I am about six months along. I also stopped in December but picked back up again for a weekend from hell in February after...drum roll...six weeks sober. I have stayed stopped since then with the help of SR and AA. I agree, it is likely the best decision I have ever made in my life.

Anyway, loved this post and thank you so much for writing it down. I also hope newcomers who are thinking of throwing the towel in after a week, a month, six weeks, whatever, hang on for a few more. It does get exponentially better.

This post is such an awesome reminder of that!!

Congrats on your eight months!!

Mvngon

Really great post readyatlast! Congratulations on your 8 months!

I really understand what you are saying about not wanting to lose the life you now have. These feelings are shared by me as well. We've worked so hard, and it's best to hold onto what we now have---it should be cherished.

Thanks for taking the time to write this out. You are an inspiration!

Much love,

MV

Anna

It IS important to accept yourself rather than trying to be someone you aren't. I am a quiet person, too and when I drank, alcohol always gave me confidence and the belief that I fit in. So, when I stopped drinking, I had to accept that I would never feel comfortable in situations with new people, and that was okay.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks for your kind words Ptcapote.Congrats on your 6 months I love the HFA line too - it's not mine though, saw it on SR a couple of weeks ago

Thanks MV,you're very kind. I really don't want to go backto where I was and am so aware of how quickly I could be back there

Anna- your posts have helped me enormously in accepting who I am and realizing being shy and quiet is nothing to be ashamed of. I was trying to work on it but it made me more nervous. accepting who and what I am had given me peace of mind. still loads of work to do of course but getting there. I'd rather be the shy quiet one anyday now rather than the drunken noisy one

Eleni58

Woohoo! 8 months! You are amazing!

Leshar

Thank you so much for this amazing post, Readyatlast! And congratulations on 8 months.

I too relapsed at the 6 week mark in early June. I had felt numb, and resentful of having to stop drinking, bitter about my lot in life.

Your post adds to my plan to just keep going, being present, accepting that I have to put in effort to bring about meaningful change.
It is indeed a very helpful post for those of us starting out, thanks for taking the time to do this.

Btw, I'm pretty sure it was Big Sombrero who said a high functioning alcoholic is just an alcoholic with a job!

Serenity1972

ReadyAtLast...thanks so much for your post. It is inspiring as I am new here and I really needed to read this today. Congrats on your 8 months. You rock.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Leshar-you're right-it was

Thanks Bigsombrero

GhostFace

Thank you for sharing this awesome post. Im also very shy and timid and know how drinking has affected me negatively. The alcohol gives me courage and boost in confidence that I lack. How can I raise my self esteem? Im thinking going to the gym and practicing more positive thinking.

Anyhow, thanks for the share

JettBoy

Thank you so much for that,I'm closing in on a month no opiates,which for me is a huge deal,it's by inspiring to know that it can be done and all this stuff I feel is not only me feeling it..keep up the great work and again thank you so muck,best to you in your recovery!!!!!!

ReadyAtLast

Exercise is a great idea for feeling physically and mentally better. I've always found it's a good place to meet like minded people too in a natural environment with no alcohol.

If you like reading I've read a couple of really good books which have helped me to try and think more positively. I think positively and smile and it's amazing what better reactions I get from people."Think right,Feel right" by R.Issett is brilliant. It's easy to read and has great step by step hints to changing your mindset to be more positive,thereby becoming less nervous and more confident and approachable. It talks about changing thinking patterns and a bit of aCBT approach but very easy to follow. " The Power of Now" by Tolle is also good,though more in depth and probably better as a second read if you're new to positive thinking literature.hth

mecanix

Keep on RAL ,



Bestwishes, m