Plenny

Went away for three days. I had twelve drinks in three days. I'm trying to be scientific and examine how I feel. Twelve used to be my normal evening. So there's certainly a vast improvement. However, can I curb myself again tomorrow after letting myself slip in my off time? I have never done it before, never stopped again after a slip. I really want to. I don't feel bad about what I did. But I will if I disappoint myself tomorrow. After reaching the slip, and making the resolution, I really hope I can abstain again. I do not want to forget my progress.

Louise82

Hi Plenny, I saw on another thread that you hadn't any replies to this thread yet so I'm just bumping this up and saying I'm rooting for you. It sounds like you really want recovery and abstinence again so I'm confident you'll be able and willing to do all you can to get it. Ask for help whenever you need it and from whoever you need it from. I find reading and posting on SR regularly really helps.

resolute50

I slipped up many times.
Thought I had it licked and then ended up falling.
Had a couple weekends where I went on a binge.And right after,got right back on the wagon.

You didn't binge but did drink some alcohol.I don't think you'll have any issues getting back on track again.I'm a firm believer that even though we may slip up during out sobriety,we learn by our mistakes.

Plenny

Thank you so much guys! It's very reassuring. I really feel better today, day 2, but when I posted this I was freaking out that I'd go get drunk because that's what I used to do. Then I worried that I didn't feel guilty, but also that I WOULD MAKE myself feel guilty and then drink more.
I'm back on. Thanks again

resolute50

Don't worry,or feel guilty,Plenny.
That's just the voice of "unreason" trying to send you down the wrong path.
Day 2.

IWillWin

Hi Plenny! This is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes we fall, but as long as we get up and keep running we are making progress.

No sense in looking back - you slipped, it happens. We are alcoholics and we want to drink. They key is that if we do, and we don't want that life again, we learn from it and move on heads held high and proud that we are trying to take control of our lives.

I'm rooting for you - you can do this and perhaps your next vacay will be alcohol free!!

Dee74

Hi Plenny - you posted this in the Daily Support forum so I moved it for you.
You'll find more response here in Newcomers forum

I'm really glad you stopped again

for me, any amount of alcohol had a deleterious effect on me.

It changed me, it diminished me and it led me back time and again, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, to that dark place.

D

Eleni58

I hope you are not of the mindset that you can now moderate or control your drinking!

Plenny

Thank you Dee! I am learning where to post stuff... And thank you for the words. In the past I've been really prone to rebelling against my own rules. I have always had to play games with myself. When I quit smoking, the thing that helped me most was carrying around an open pack of cigarettes! Because I had them, I rebelled against their availability.
I do have alcohol all around me. The world is just full of it anyway. In the past, the cigarette trick never worked when I applied it to alcohol. But I'm pretty sure that this is the first time I've ever WANTED to quit. I got sick of it, truly. So I'm hoping I can make it last.
In the few years since I've separated from my alcoholic, narcissistic mother I've become a much stronger person. I've been able to assert my preferences and rights. Before I was under the illusion that I didn't deserve what other people got. So I treated myself that way. The pain ran so deep that I poured alcohol into the cavities my mother left inside of me to create this other person. That was the drunk person. It was all I knew until just over a month ago.
It's not about moderating. It's about reaching in and rescuing the person that was silenced for so long. And in this stage of my life I can cultivate that person in the non drinking space. If I fall I have to recover to obtain more quiet, sober space so that I can continue to emerge.
I'm trying to think of it like the concept of positive and negative space. The negative space is open and empty and waiting to be written. Sometimes a slip is a black solid dot, but if I think of it holistically like this I can have a healthier attitude and outcome.
It is not productive for me to live under the banner of a number, or the banner of a wagging finger reminding me I can't have moderation. I rebel against those attitudes.
I really appreciate the concept that one can get up and dust oneself off and live under the banner of holistic accomplishment, and focus more on creating more healthy space to grow. I think it just makes me like myself more.