TKS

SO it's lunchtime on my fifth day, and after wandering around the city not remembering where either the guitar store or the record store was, I passed my favourite craft/boutique beer venue. No urge to enter as such, but the realization that if I succeed in recovery, I'll never be able to enjoy some of their fine hand crafted ales. I miss the 'punch in the face' hop flavour, and the artistic balance of specialty grains that make up the malt profile. As a former brewer, I'm well tuned to the subtleties of a great beer.

Then I realised that while my drink of choice once would always be craft beer, until I was too bloated and switch to the hard stuff, I have increasingly been using red wine from drink 1, followed by bourbon and cola. And it dawned on me, not for the first time, that I really dislike the taste of wine after a few, and sugary, premixed B & C is really unpleasant. But it didn't stop me plowing through 12 or more in a session, after a bottle of merlot and maybe a couple of beers.

The reality is that, although subconsciously, I have been drinking for the effects and not for the enjoyment of the flavour. That's really stupid amd i may as well have been drinking metho and coke.

Eleni58

Towards the end of my drinking career, I was ONLY drinking for the effects and not the taste. I got rather sick of the taste, actually. STAY STRONG!

LadyBlue0527

Hi TKS, that thought also crossed my mind. I'm a lover of a local brewing company here called Shipyard. Shipyard Export was my beer of choice. I went on a company outing where I had to sit at a table and listen to a waitress list off all the different flavors. Shipyard Export, Shipyard Summer Ale, Shipyard Blueberry Ale. I wanted to turn around and ask her if she could kindly stop using profanity (at least to me!)

The reality is that I can't have just one. Further reality was that I also wasn't enjoying the beer so I'm not sure why I was spending $9 to $10 for a 6 pack when I could have easily bought the cheap stuff and ended with the same result.

Edited to state: Total shame on me for not starting by congratulating with you on Day 5, that's awesome and

Then I go off and lament with you about missing favored alcohol. Well, let me add to this post that you have some better days ahead, I'm at day 72, 10 weekends have passed and you could wave a bottle of Shipyard Export under my nose and I wouldn't trade it for the way that I feel. Ok, I might drool a little but I still wouldn't trade!

TKS

LadyBlue, that's really courageous to go to your favourite brewhouse when you have had an obsession with it. I know that within myself that I could not possibly enter one of these places and not have a beer or three. I wouldn't even question myself, and my recovery - that's how much I loved the brews. So the answer is that I just can't go. No big drama, I haven't got any friends left these days, so I'll never be dragged there.

Although I do think that I could eventually go to a regular pub/bar in the future and not drink. I could never touch the average mainstream lagers anyway, they truly disgust me. But i think I should steer clear of any venue serving booze for a while.

There's a monetary incentive to not buy 6-packs of craft beer (not that I'm stopping for financial reasons). Over here a 6-pack can run up to $30 - the taxman lays a hefty exise on breweries.

LadyBlue0527

TKS, what made it safe for me was that it was a company outing and it wasn't actually a bar that we were at. It was a restaurant that served Shipyard beer and is owned by the person who also owns the brewery. I also had told a few people at work previously that I wasn't drinking anymore. So I felt safe.

At this stage I could not go to a brewpub with friends who were going for the express reason to sit and drink. I wouldn't drink but it would just be torture.

I've dodged events I knew were going to be bad and attended events where I felt safe. I have a friend who has been sober for 6 years and she told me that there will eventually come a time that I will go to events and instead of the consistent thought that I can't drink, it will be a passing thought. That it does get easier.

Another plug for deeker I play a little mind game with myself too. When I'm going to be at a function or do something that I know is going to involve alcohol I always sign up for the 24 hour club here. Once I sign up what's done is done. I've requested it and I've been granted it so no alcohol for 24 hours. Point blank, no decision, no excuses, nada. It's worked every time.

The further out I get from Day One the easier it is to reflect on who I was prior to finally quitting. I think about the way my body felt when I was drinking and how it felt the day after. With each passing day I realize that drinking had not been any fun for me for many years. It was just something I did. I thought it brought me pleasure but it only brought despair. You'll see this too.

It's so good to be working on living my life and not working at destroying it.

You can look forward to all of that too!