please help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Corning NY
Posts: 1
please help
This is my first time here. My heart is racing as I type this....my fingers almost numb. Please dont tell me to get rid of him.....
He is the father of my 2 children. He is the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. The man that I would build dreams with.
He's drunk again.....
He doesn't remember anything I told him. He forgot that the last $50 in my purse was to be used to pay the daycare so he just took it with him, he doesn't have to deal with. He's passed out on the kitchen table again and his 7 year old son wants to play catch but is too afraid to go near him. Beer isn't good enough for him these days, he's gotta have rum too. He shakes all the time. He's out all night long....god only knows where he is passed out.
Im so afraid. Im losing my husband to alcohol. He's losing his family. He doesnt think he has a problem-typical. He says its just me over-reacting.
He's worthless to me, my kids, and himself. Somedays I feel like I would be better off without him. At least my kids wouldn't have to see it every damn day. But, we are a family. I WANT to be a family. I want to help him through this.
Can someone give me some ideas. Am I even in the right place? Im so confused and I feel so helpless.
Thank you!
Jenn
He is the father of my 2 children. He is the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. The man that I would build dreams with.
He's drunk again.....
He doesn't remember anything I told him. He forgot that the last $50 in my purse was to be used to pay the daycare so he just took it with him, he doesn't have to deal with. He's passed out on the kitchen table again and his 7 year old son wants to play catch but is too afraid to go near him. Beer isn't good enough for him these days, he's gotta have rum too. He shakes all the time. He's out all night long....god only knows where he is passed out.
Im so afraid. Im losing my husband to alcohol. He's losing his family. He doesnt think he has a problem-typical. He says its just me over-reacting.
He's worthless to me, my kids, and himself. Somedays I feel like I would be better off without him. At least my kids wouldn't have to see it every damn day. But, we are a family. I WANT to be a family. I want to help him through this.
Can someone give me some ideas. Am I even in the right place? Im so confused and I feel so helpless.
Thank you!
Jenn
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 146
hi and welcome Jen,
Yup you are in exactly the right place. Breathe deep - don't panic. Read the stickys at the top of this board. We generally never advise people whether to leave their spouses or not, that is a decision for them to make. But first, are you and your kids safe? Is he physically or verbally abusive? Are you safe now? I don't have children myself but knowing the nasty temper an alcoholic can have I'd keep them away from Dad for awhile - just let him sleep.
Are you familiar with Al-Anon? Al-Anon have regular meetings in most areas of most countries and I'm sure you will find details of meetings around you in the phone book. Here in NZ meetings are child friendly too, so I'm assuming that that's the case in NY.
Stick around and you'll get some great advice here.
HugZ
Sandra
Yup you are in exactly the right place. Breathe deep - don't panic. Read the stickys at the top of this board. We generally never advise people whether to leave their spouses or not, that is a decision for them to make. But first, are you and your kids safe? Is he physically or verbally abusive? Are you safe now? I don't have children myself but knowing the nasty temper an alcoholic can have I'd keep them away from Dad for awhile - just let him sleep.
Are you familiar with Al-Anon? Al-Anon have regular meetings in most areas of most countries and I'm sure you will find details of meetings around you in the phone book. Here in NZ meetings are child friendly too, so I'm assuming that that's the case in NY.
Stick around and you'll get some great advice here.
HugZ
Sandra
Paused
Join Date: May 2004
Location: TACOMA WA
Posts: 6
Hi Jen,
I am also new, but identify with you. The lost feelings, unsure of what to do, and the constant worry "is he okay?" I have been there. Worry first about the safety of you and your children. Find an Al-anon meeting, there are people there who can help you to just vent. I have found that if I can just talk to someone and let off some of my anger and frustration to someone who won't judge me and has been where I am today, that it helps make life more managable. This web site was the first place I found, and now I don't feel so alone. Hang in there and keep posting.
God Bless,
Lisa
I am also new, but identify with you. The lost feelings, unsure of what to do, and the constant worry "is he okay?" I have been there. Worry first about the safety of you and your children. Find an Al-anon meeting, there are people there who can help you to just vent. I have found that if I can just talk to someone and let off some of my anger and frustration to someone who won't judge me and has been where I am today, that it helps make life more managable. This web site was the first place I found, and now I don't feel so alone. Hang in there and keep posting.
God Bless,
Lisa
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Jenn and welcome.
Your husband won't stop drinking until he admits he has a problem and wants to change. Until then, things will continue as they are, and will probably get worse.
Your focus should be on yourself and your kids. Attending al-anon meetings is a good place to start. There's also a lot of valuable information in the al-anon FYI power posts at the top of this forum.
Please keep coming back. You do not have to go through this alone. We all understand and have been where you are.
Take care,
JG
Your husband won't stop drinking until he admits he has a problem and wants to change. Until then, things will continue as they are, and will probably get worse.
Your focus should be on yourself and your kids. Attending al-anon meetings is a good place to start. There's also a lot of valuable information in the al-anon FYI power posts at the top of this forum.
Please keep coming back. You do not have to go through this alone. We all understand and have been where you are.
Take care,
JG
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