TopFlight

I'm 28 years old and almost 6 weeks sober this coming weekend. It's been quite an experience for me thus far, from relationships with friends, battling confidence issues, and ultimately just finding myself. Prior to quitting, I used to drink for various reasons; boredom, anxiety, a release, and for social situations. Most of the time I would drink in moderation, but other times I would definitely go over board. Those times are a fewer and farther between than when I was younger (21-25) where I tended to drink a lot more. Even though I may show hints of it recently where I might of taken a shot before class or have a drink before martial arts class.

I had a couple instances within the last week before I quit where I did some drugs along with drinking, one at a friends bbq with a bunch of girls (somewhat of a joining the party type situation) and another at a nightclub with a big group of us. I've mentioned in another post that I had a bit of a drug problem when I was around 21 that lasted a little less than a year. So by partaking in these two instances it definitely made me feel guilty the following day.

Around this time I had also been seeing a therapist for some depression I was going through. I was completely honest about what I had done and tried to explain what I felt my motives were in doing it. This is also a guy that I had seen when I was younger so he understands a lot of my past aswell. He told me that he thinks I have alcoholic/addictive tendencies and that he thinks it'd be wise that I quit drinking. Prior to that meeting, I didn't really consider quitting, aside from a few horrible hangovers I had in the past where I woke up thinkin f this and took a week off drinkin as some sort of detox.

What he said seemed to really impact me and I quit drinking the next day.

Now 6 weeks later, I'm in sort of an isolation mode. I spend a lot of my time working out, playing sports (tennis, swimming, muay thai), going to work, and other than that there's not much going on for me socially. I don't really go out with friends other than maybe lunch once a month and I've yet to make an attempt to go out in social situations where alcohol is around.

I feel that I'm really questioning why I quit in the first place and sometimes feel that things feel worse than when I was drinking. Physically I'm definitely better off than when I was drinking, but everything else kind of feels blah. I've been spending a lot of nights reading books on self improvement, meditation, etc and though its helped put things in perspective, I feel its also making me kind of nutty, just being so introspective about everything

I'd really appreciate any advice or opinions people can give me. I didn't delve into anything too much, but I'm hoping someone can relate. If you had read a previous post of mine, sorry if parts are a little repetitive, just needed to vent a little

ImperfectlyMe

If you feel better physically why stop sobriety now? If you aren't struggling with cravings what's the point of drinking? There are plenty of non drinking social situations you can partake in. Perhaps you aren't an alcoholic only you know. But if the only reason to drink is you feel blah I think you should keep doing whst your doing.

I am into my 4th month sober and often get those complacent feelings do some reading on PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome ) it may enlighten you.

In any case I wish you well.

Eleni58

To me, you are NOT an alcoholic if you can take it or leave it or don't feel compelled to drink more than one or two. You are the only one who can make the determination whether you are an alcoholic or not and only YOU can decide whether you want sobriety more than being drunk. I have yet to interact socially with anyone since I quit drinking almost 2 weeks ago, but I am perfectly content to be a bit recluse right now. It's part of my healing. I am sure I will eventually be able to go to social events and enjoy them sober..just not ready yet. Best of luck to you!

Nighthawk8820

Well that is your Addiction speaking trying to tell you things werent as bad as they seemed and maybe you arent an alcoholic. We have ALL had that though process at one time or another, and that is the biggest reason people relapse. Try and remember where you were 6 weeks ago and how you felt. Were you happy? Were things in life going how you wanted them to? Well then remember that and hold those memories dear to your heart, because they will be the ones that keep you on the right track and focused. The addiction is a tricky devil man, it like to make everyone think after time that it wasnt so bad, or you can have just one............its a story as old as time.

DisplacedGRITS

so why are you not going out socially anymore? is it because you can't imagine having a good time with friends who are drinking while you're staying sober? i mean, if you're staying away from social situations where there's drinking involved because you're concerned that you'll slip back into drinking, well there's your answer as to whether or not you're an alcoholic. if you can't leave it alone while alcohol's around, you've got a problem. a Regular Joe can be around alcohol in social settings and say to himself "hey, i don't want to touch that stuff. the consequences outweigh any pleasure i get from drinking. i'll just enjoy the company." an untreated alcoholic thinks "i mean, sure there have been some bad consequences to my drinking but one can't hurt? and if i can handle that one for a while, i'll have another. this time will be different."

sure, your social life is going to change as you get sober because for many of us alcoholics, our social life and our drinking went hand in hand. now, it's up to you to figure out how to be social and sober. come up with some coping techniques like always having a non alcoholic drink on hand and how to respond to people offering you a drink. you can be social and fun without alcohol but you have to try. isolating yourself may work well in the short term to put some distance between you and the pressure of drinking socially but you've got to get back out there at some point. only you know when you're ready.

360shoes

Hi TopFlight,
I maybe one of those who fall somewhere in the grey area. I drank from age 20 to 28 then quit for about 10 years than drank again for about 15. Now I don't drink again. So I was about the same age as you are right now when I had that 10 year run.

Some of the time I was fine and some of the time I wasn't in those drinking years. I learned an awful lot about myself in those non drinking years. It took a little while...maybe about a year for me but life was so much more fun and rewarding then. I will never regret it.

I feel pretty fortunate that I got to experience a good long run without drinking. It's what got me through the early days this time. I knew for a fact life is great all on its own.

Thing is..just talking about me...I like myself so much more when I don't drink. I think liking yourself is pretty important so that's enough for me to give it up for good. It's just a stupid liquid. I will be just fine without it.

Great job on the 6 weeks!

TopFlight

@inperfectlyMe I really appreciate your post. I guess part of me misses the easiness of just drinking. Not having to turn down invites, not being the lone person ordering a water, basically not being that special case. It really was highlighted recently by me turning down to a trip to Vegas with a bunch of my friends for a close friend's bday. Everything was arranged; a huge suite, rented cabanas for the pool parties, reservations for the most popular clubs and said I couldn't go. Honestly it was a real hard decision for me, it was like the ideal trip of my old self versus the trip I knew wasn't right for who I am now.

@Nighthawk I agree with you man. Sometimes it seems like I bs my own self. One thing that always feels consistently right though, is not taking a drink. Even though it may not be the most popular.


@Displacedgrits I have to ask myself that question a lot too, of why I choose not to attend certain social situations, especially when I am invited somewhere. I guess you could say its a mix between being more picky about where I want to go now and the other person not being on the same page and fear of just going somewhere and becoming extremely bored or having some anxiety of being in those type of places sober. I feel confident that I wouldn't cave, but then again I havent tested those boundaries yet. AND I really appreciate your last part, I need to get back out there and prove that I can still have fun and be sociable without drinking.

@360shoes I appreciate your words of encouragement. Its great to hear from someone whose been in similar shoes. If you don't mind be asking, what instance made you drink again after 10 years?

JumpnOn2

Not sure but u came here anyway. Nobody can tell u for sure but yourself. If u are sure this is a good place to come. If u aren't this is still a good place to come!

Mountainmanbob

the AA Big Book says something like


1.

... controlled drinking. BB More About Alcoholism, p.31 View MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM chapter

Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking.



2.

... controlled drinking, bearing in mind meanwhile what ... 12&12 Step One, p.23 View STEP ONE essay

Why don't you try some more controlled drinking, bearing in mind meanwhile what we have told you about alcoholism?"

Nuudawn

I've been spending some time recently with a friend of mine who I've always referred to as "not really a drinker". He will have the occasional beer or cooler. Most of the time when people are drinking..he drinks soda or whatever. He has never really been a drinker other than a few initiation bouts when he was a teenager or early 20's He does everything everybody else does. There were many times I was around him hammered.. Anyhoo, he doesn't decline invites, he goes to pubs, he's just normal..he simply chooses non alcoholic beverages most of the time because he prefers the taste or he is driving ..or there are many reasons to not choose booze just cuz everyone else is.

He's not an alcoholic. If your life is flat without alcohol..and that therein is the reason to start again? Hmmm...I think that's "alcoholic" thinking.

ReadyAtLast

I don't think it matters if you think you are an alcoholic or not. imo, labels don't matter and it isn't for anyone else to tell us if we are an alcoholic or not. For me, the fundamental issue is if I have a problem with drink and drinking causes me problems, no matter how infrequent these may have been. Once I accepted yes it did then I knew the only answer was quitting. I wish I had had the sense and knowledge to quit in my 20s and saved myself so much pain as it really does get worse.

I understand as felt odd at 6 weeks too and twice last year started drinking again as didn't think I REALLY had a problem. I felt better physically and mentally and thought a few wouldn't do any harm. I regretted it so so much and each time trying to quit again was harder. Please don't give up. The mental feeling of numbness and fogginess I had at 6 weeks,the boredom,the not really doing anything is so normal at 6 weeks as it's your brain adjusting. Trust me, it really does get better. I'm 8months now and feel so so much better and don't WANT to drink.It just takes time,pleasedon't give up

360shoes

Hi TopFlight,
I don't mind you asking. I think we come in all flavors so it's helpful to hear all the stories. Not everyone hits a rock bottom. For me it was mostly I just never really could predict when I would drink too much. Most times I drank too much and had bad hangovers but not all. I was never a mean drunk but I certainly could embarrass myself and there were occasions when I acted irresponsibly by driving and even a time I fell and hit my head so that wasnt exactly responsible drinking. I think we all have to at some point just be honest and decide which side of the fence we want to be on since we are dealing with something that quite frankly causes anyone problems if they drink too much of it.

I started drinking again because I made a conscientious decision to do so. It didn't sneak up on me and I didn't crave it. I just decided to see if it was true that if I drank, would I again, more times than naught, drink too much. I was 38, not married, and don't have children so I figured if it went bad it was just me I was hurting. Plus, I didn't really know. I knew it was a risk but I took it.

Here's what I learned. Yes, most times I drank more than I intended. And pushing 40 and beyond, it just was actually kind of pathetic. I hated how I woke up and had the feelings of disappointment and letting myself down. I knew I was worth more but didn't act like it. I hated the hangovers. I hated the time it wasted. I hated how it wasn't me being my best. That's a lot of hate and disappointment in the 15 years when I drank.

I knew it didn't have to be that way. So I quit. Again. Bad news is physically it was harder because I was older. Good news was I knew in my heart it was unnecessary.

I have no intention of a repeat cycle. I have now found out, for a fact, which me I like better.

I know I was one of the lucky ones. I don't know why. But I know that too.

Find out which life is better for you. It's worth it. We all are.

Isaiah

I went through a period where I questioned whether or not I was an alcoholic myself. In my case, drinking continued and escalated to a point where there's no longer an inch left for doubt. One of the things I've learned through my experience and in listening to others is that: you don't have to be an alcoholic to benefit from not drinking.

If you think about it, to have it any other way sort of makes drinking out to be the normal, default human behavior and unless you're undeniably an addict you must drink.

If you've had some bad consequences that have come out of drinking, then stopping will eliminate those consequences. If you're not an alcoholic or suffering a drinking problem, then that'll be easy to cope with, like giving up dairy. If you do happen to have a problem, you'll know it because it becomes an obsessive thought and compelling need to use with little regard to what happens.

As with social situations where alcohol is present... this is a subject where the range of opinions from people in recovery is extremely wide and at times even controversial for some. I go out to bars with friends sometimes, always though with friends who know and support that I don't drink; I never go alone. But I also once got told by a guy in an A.A. meeting that just going to a bar meant that in this Minority Report-precognitive way I had made it in evitable that I'd drink again soon. So, something you might need to work through in your mind and talk through with others in recovery. SR is such a place.

Welcome!

fhl41

I have asked myself this very question. I was not drinking a tremendous amount of alcohol before I quit, however, that could be interpreted differently by different people, to the teetotaller I was drinking way too much, but compared to my ex boyfriend who drinks himself into oblivion every weekend I didn’t. However to me I knew this was getting out of hand, essentially because the liquor was becoming an obsession for me.

It was starting to feel like alcohol defined me as a person, it defined who I dated, who my friends were, how I spent my free time, how I handled my emotions, my social insecurities etc. Since I quit drinking 6 months ago I have had to start figuring out who I am without the booze and it has been a very enlightening time. I have had to learn how to handle certain things without drinking; social settings, stress, boredom, sadness, stuff like that. It is definitely a process and I have been isolating myself too this past 6 months but I feel this has been needed for me to heal, I am also very particular in who I spend my free time with now, I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. The best part of this process so far has been getting to know me, who I am, what I like to do. It’s kind of like I am being reacquainted with myself, its a trip lol.

ru12

I stopped drinking because I didn't like the influence alcohol had on my life. Alcoholic is just a word, and a rather dated one at that: sort of like ****** and lunatic. I don't use the word to describe myself as I find no value in it whatsoever. Others have a different view.

There are lots of ways to relieve boredom besides drinking. But if you really think alcohol will help, then perhaps do some controlled drinking. This might help you decide if you really have issues with drinking or not. Some of my close friends that used to abuse the booze hard have matured out of that behavior and drink rationally. That is great for them, but I have no interest in that lifestyle. I like being sober.

sicknote

Hey TopFlight! 6 weeks is really good! nice work

I totally get you! I am in a similar place to you right now.

When I was young I was involved with various drugs. I can't do drugs anymore as they don't agree with me. I've been relying on booze, which has also give up on me also now

I wish I could, but I can't drink like normal people.

I know about feeling mad! I've been going to loads of different AA meetings. I've read loads of books on addiction, and I've been reading the big blue book of alcoholics anonymous, the twelve steps and twelve traditions, the book 'living sober', I've done research online, I've been writing diaries, trying to monitor my feelings etc, I've been posting and reading threads on this site, I've spoken with my doctor, applied for counselling, I've been getting active with exercise. Man, I really did drive myself nuts!!! I jumped out of a plane two weeks ago and I'm about to do it again. This is how extreme its gotten for me... I'm crazier than a coconut. All this has done me no favours! I still want to have a drink. People told me to relax and just buy a bag of crisps and eat them, but I needed to find an answer or a fix. I can assure you, I have found no answer, and no quick fix. We are on a path, a journey into a life without booze, which is going to take time.

I've been sober for 15 days today. However, I first started trying to stay sober a couple of months ago.

I find social situations difficult right now. I do think that someone with an normal healthy attitude towards alcohol wouldn't need to avoid social situations with alcohol?

I know friends that don't drink, and they really aren't bothered by the fact that they are not drinking. I on the other hand will be climbing walls, wondering how I could leave early, or wondering whether I should just have a drink because 'a few wont hurt?'.

I'm also questioning whether I should have a drink. Every time I think of that I try to remember some of the really crap things that alcohol did to me and why I wanted to quit in the first place.

At the end of the day who cares if your an alkie or not? Don't bother putting a label do it. Just ask yourself, do I want to drink anymore? If the answer is no, then just do what ever you've got to do to stay sober

Mountainmanbob - thank you - p31 of the BB

Sorry for the essay! I think reading your message hit a cord with me.

sicknote.