New to all of this... need advise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
New to all of this... need advise
Hello,
I am new to all of this.. this site, this forum, and most of all I am new to being a wife of an addict.
4 weeks ago I found out my husband was smoking crystal meth. Today marks day 3 of my husband being in Rehab.
I am currently lost, confused, and searching for help...
A little history:
Together for 8 years
Married for 5 years (this Friday)
6 year old Daughter
A year ago my husband came to me and told me he was addicted to pain pills. He stopped cold turkey (he told me AFTER he spend days and days in bed super sick) and things were good for 6 months. Then, things started getting bad.
As of 3 months ago (maybe longer) things have been bad. Although I knew something was up, I didn't want to accuse him of anything since I didn't have proof. Things got so bad that my daughter and I left (5 weeks ago). During that time, we were home only one night and thats the night I found a pipe. This is when he told me he had been smoking ICE. My daughter and I left the next day and until tonight, we have not been home.
I told his parents the day after he told me. After a couple weeks of letting "him do him", his mom decided an intervention was needed. Last monday she told the family, the following thursday the family met with an interventionist, then Sunday.. we met with my Husband. He agreed to go, which is amazing. We drove 3 hours to take him to a rehab center that we already had picked out.
Now, reality is starting to sink in. Now, I cannot hide behind the simple thing of "I just need to get him to rehab, then deal with everything else" he is in rehab.. so that leaves me to deal with everything else.
My questions are; where to begin? How to take one step at a time considering everything is being dropped on me? Is it worth sticking by him? Why am I the one that has to deal with all the left over crap? Can our marriage even survive this?
Any advise would be helpful.
I am new to all of this.. this site, this forum, and most of all I am new to being a wife of an addict.
4 weeks ago I found out my husband was smoking crystal meth. Today marks day 3 of my husband being in Rehab.
I am currently lost, confused, and searching for help...
A little history:
Together for 8 years
Married for 5 years (this Friday)
6 year old Daughter
A year ago my husband came to me and told me he was addicted to pain pills. He stopped cold turkey (he told me AFTER he spend days and days in bed super sick) and things were good for 6 months. Then, things started getting bad.
As of 3 months ago (maybe longer) things have been bad. Although I knew something was up, I didn't want to accuse him of anything since I didn't have proof. Things got so bad that my daughter and I left (5 weeks ago). During that time, we were home only one night and thats the night I found a pipe. This is when he told me he had been smoking ICE. My daughter and I left the next day and until tonight, we have not been home.
I told his parents the day after he told me. After a couple weeks of letting "him do him", his mom decided an intervention was needed. Last monday she told the family, the following thursday the family met with an interventionist, then Sunday.. we met with my Husband. He agreed to go, which is amazing. We drove 3 hours to take him to a rehab center that we already had picked out.
Now, reality is starting to sink in. Now, I cannot hide behind the simple thing of "I just need to get him to rehab, then deal with everything else" he is in rehab.. so that leaves me to deal with everything else.
My questions are; where to begin? How to take one step at a time considering everything is being dropped on me? Is it worth sticking by him? Why am I the one that has to deal with all the left over crap? Can our marriage even survive this?
Any advise would be helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Welcome to SR, StrongWife, but I'm sorry for what brings you here. I cannot answer your relationship questions because I am the mother of a recovering heroin addict (19yo daughter), but I know others will be along soon to offer their suggestions. You are in an overwhelming situation right now, and I hear it in your post. Take some of the time he is in rehab to focus on yourself, to read up the awesome "stickies" at the top of this forum, and to educate yourself about addiction. Most of us here have learned that we rarely get the whole story from our beloved addicts regarding what they have been doing and for how long. Just keep your mind and heart as clear as you can while he is in rehab and get some support for yourself. A great place to start besides this website is a NarAnon meeting. Google that and your town and you will find something. AlAnon works, too. Chances are, you will be in the company of some great support and loving attention for your situation. It has been a priceless source of support and education for me. Take care. Hug your daughter! Try to find some ways to relax, even just a little bit.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
[QUOTE
My questions are; where to begin? How to take one step at a time considering everything is being dropped on me? Is it worth sticking by him? Why am I the one that has to deal with all the left over crap? Can our marriage even survive this?
Any advise would be helpful.
[/QUOTE]
Where to begin? Find yourself an alanon meeting, face to face meetings with people that are going through the same thing you are will be very beneficial to you..
Read up on addiction.. The stickies on this board are very informative and valuable.. It helps to understand addiction and how it affects the family and loved ones of addicts..
As for your relationship.. Seek help for yourself first and pretty soon you will be strong enough to make decisions on what is best for you.. They advise people in marriages to addicts to wait a year to make any major decisions.. This is sound advice and unless your life or child's life is in danger I would take the wait and see approach..
Good luck to you and welcome to SR
My questions are; where to begin? How to take one step at a time considering everything is being dropped on me? Is it worth sticking by him? Why am I the one that has to deal with all the left over crap? Can our marriage even survive this?
Any advise would be helpful.
[/QUOTE]Where to begin? Find yourself an alanon meeting, face to face meetings with people that are going through the same thing you are will be very beneficial to you..
Read up on addiction.. The stickies on this board are very informative and valuable.. It helps to understand addiction and how it affects the family and loved ones of addicts..
As for your relationship.. Seek help for yourself first and pretty soon you will be strong enough to make decisions on what is best for you.. They advise people in marriages to addicts to wait a year to make any major decisions.. This is sound advice and unless your life or child's life is in danger I would take the wait and see approach..
Good luck to you and welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Welcome to SR,
My husband is also addicted to meth. It's a horrible situation to be in and I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through it. I agree with the advice Garden Mama and jerect have given you which is to educate yourself as much as you can about the drug and addiction.
Addictions turn our lives upside down. I felt that my loving, caring husband had been replaced by someone I didn't even recognize. It's normal to feel a wide range of emotions (anger, fear, hope, etc). This site has helped me to deal with these emotions and the advice from others has gotten me through some tough times.
It's very easy for the addiction to consume our lives, but please remember to take care of yourself too. Keep coming back and remember that you are not alone.
Hugs
My husband is also addicted to meth. It's a horrible situation to be in and I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through it. I agree with the advice Garden Mama and jerect have given you which is to educate yourself as much as you can about the drug and addiction.
Addictions turn our lives upside down. I felt that my loving, caring husband had been replaced by someone I didn't even recognize. It's normal to feel a wide range of emotions (anger, fear, hope, etc). This site has helped me to deal with these emotions and the advice from others has gotten me through some tough times.
It's very easy for the addiction to consume our lives, but please remember to take care of yourself too. Keep coming back and remember that you are not alone.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dallas, tx
Posts: 8
I am new to this as well. My husband of 20+ years is also an addict. Alcohol, meth, etc. Alcohol has been a problem for a while, the drug abuse just started this past February after a health crisis. I too noticed a drastic change in his behavior and even asked if he was doing drugs in March and he flat out denied it. Deep down I knew something was wrong but didn't press the issue and I regret that decision. He went to rehab in June and I was stuck being the one in charge of everything and I am drained. I thought once he was home everything would be better but I find myself still questioning everything he does or says and I hate it. Some days I think he is using again and other days I am convinced he is clean. I find myself reliving the past 7 months over and over again and remembering things he told me and now I know he was lying and I get mad all over again. I do not show anger to him and have been the one person in his life who has been the most compassionate and supportive. He is working the steps and seems to have lost momentum and has been on step 6 for a while. I am anxious for him to get to step 9 so he can make his amends to me and get that over with. I have an inkling it is going to be rough and I want to be done with that in order to start healing. I am not sure if I will ever trust him again and I see what this has done to our three children and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Not much advice but it helps writing about it!
Not much advice but it helps writing about it!
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Strongwife and kkcr . . . .
Yep. Get you to Alanon. Now. You still reading this? Why are you not already heading out the door to Alanon?
When you get there you will no doubt notice the Steps say ". . . . powerless over Alcohol . . . " and you will ponder . . . . Alcohol? But he is on Meth or _____ . . . and you will be reluctant to say so. Do not worry, the present joke has become "any A will do" Alcoholic, Addict, in our household, Anorexic. On and on. That is ok.
We will warmly greet you give you some newcomer materials,
And then for the first few meetings you will either sit there:
A) with a frozen fake smile on your face trying to make-believe in your mind that none of this is really happening -- and then you will catch up with the rest of us who on the first meeting come in the door AND
B) and sob, and sob, and sob.
And that is also ok. That is also what *we* do to. *We* have tissues waiting for you.
AND THEN . . . . You start working the stuff . . . . and . . . things suddenly start getting a WHOLE LOT Better. Just the way things roll.
kkcr, you in are in the Dallas area? That is wonderful in this regard. We have WONDERFUL Alanon resources. I do Alanon in Wylie and Plano. Used to do Duncanville. There are great places all between and both East and West.
For the kids . . . you know about Alateen? My daughter (now 11) has been in for about 7 months and it has been great for her.
You know where the meetings are?
http://www.dallasal-anon.org/meeting_list.php
Yep. Get you to Alanon. Now. You still reading this? Why are you not already heading out the door to Alanon?
When you get there you will no doubt notice the Steps say ". . . . powerless over Alcohol . . . " and you will ponder . . . . Alcohol? But he is on Meth or _____ . . . and you will be reluctant to say so. Do not worry, the present joke has become "any A will do" Alcoholic, Addict, in our household, Anorexic. On and on. That is ok.
We will warmly greet you give you some newcomer materials,
And then for the first few meetings you will either sit there:
A) with a frozen fake smile on your face trying to make-believe in your mind that none of this is really happening -- and then you will catch up with the rest of us who on the first meeting come in the door AND
B) and sob, and sob, and sob.
And that is also ok. That is also what *we* do to. *We* have tissues waiting for you.
AND THEN . . . . You start working the stuff . . . . and . . . things suddenly start getting a WHOLE LOT Better. Just the way things roll.
kkcr, you in are in the Dallas area? That is wonderful in this regard. We have WONDERFUL Alanon resources. I do Alanon in Wylie and Plano. Used to do Duncanville. There are great places all between and both East and West.
For the kids . . . you know about Alateen? My daughter (now 11) has been in for about 7 months and it has been great for her.
You know where the meetings are?
http://www.dallasal-anon.org/meeting_list.php
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