Day 3, for the first time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 10
Day 3, for the first time
I had a rough beginning to my adult life, and managed to overcome huge obstacles. My wife and I, together since age 13, were homeless by age 18. We still managed to put ourselves through school. I became a paramedic, and she gained a degree in business.
After 17 years of my paramedic career, I had to leave it, in order to keep my wife. It was just too much time away, and I was losing her. I began trying to create a business online, and it became very successful. She was able to quit work, and we traveled for months, in an RV.
This is where I took my first drink, 5 years ago. it started out as just a couple of beers, sitting in the shade, and staring at whatever new landscape at the time. After nearly a year, we had to give up the RV lifestyle, and come back home to our daughter, who was in trouble. We used nearly all of our funds to rescue her, from herself. being back home is when my drinking became more severe.
Until 3 days ago, I was consuming about a half gallon of Rum in every 24 hour period. My wife was oblivious. She works a ton of hours, and I am home each day, usually alone. I would sober up, just long enough to greet her at night, and wait until she fell asleep a couple of hours later. Then, I would drink until about 4 am, and crawl into bed. I would even place pillows between us, so my breath wouldnt wake her.
I quit cold turkey, 3 days ago. 2 of those days, she was off of work. It has been a horrible experience. Nightmares, shaking, and soaking the sheets with sweat at night. not to mention this terrible anxious feeling in my chest.
She left for work today, and all I can do is sit and talk myself out of going for one last bottle. I know I need help, so this is why I am here. I cant join AA, because I wouldnt have excuses for why I am not home. I am hoping I can find a little support.
After 17 years of my paramedic career, I had to leave it, in order to keep my wife. It was just too much time away, and I was losing her. I began trying to create a business online, and it became very successful. She was able to quit work, and we traveled for months, in an RV.
This is where I took my first drink, 5 years ago. it started out as just a couple of beers, sitting in the shade, and staring at whatever new landscape at the time. After nearly a year, we had to give up the RV lifestyle, and come back home to our daughter, who was in trouble. We used nearly all of our funds to rescue her, from herself. being back home is when my drinking became more severe.
Until 3 days ago, I was consuming about a half gallon of Rum in every 24 hour period. My wife was oblivious. She works a ton of hours, and I am home each day, usually alone. I would sober up, just long enough to greet her at night, and wait until she fell asleep a couple of hours later. Then, I would drink until about 4 am, and crawl into bed. I would even place pillows between us, so my breath wouldnt wake her.
I quit cold turkey, 3 days ago. 2 of those days, she was off of work. It has been a horrible experience. Nightmares, shaking, and soaking the sheets with sweat at night. not to mention this terrible anxious feeling in my chest.
She left for work today, and all I can do is sit and talk myself out of going for one last bottle. I know I need help, so this is why I am here. I cant join AA, because I wouldnt have excuses for why I am not home. I am hoping I can find a little support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Glad you found this site. Welcome to SR.
You have made the right decision to put the bottle down.
It will help to talk with folks that have gone through and are still going through withdrawal.
I went through the terrible night sweats and insomnia.
They do let up after a couple days/nights.
You have made the right decision to put the bottle down.
It will help to talk with folks that have gone through and are still going through withdrawal.
I went through the terrible night sweats and insomnia.
They do let up after a couple days/nights.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
Frankly, that's an excuse. If you are drinking a 1/2 gal of rum a day I'd think that your wife would be doing cartwheels at your decision to get sober and would support AA 100%.
Rethink your recovery plan, please.
That said, there are other ways to get sober other than AA. I just like to point out when people are quickly dismissive of something that will likely save their life.
Originally Posted by Oldmedic 
I cant join AA, because I wouldnt have excuses for why I am not home.
Rethink your recovery plan, please.
That said, there are other ways to get sober other than AA. I just like to point out when people are quickly dismissive of something that will likely save their life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 10
Thanks for the support.
Something I didn't mention is that my wife grew up in a family of alcoholics. This is why her and I left home at such early ages. She had to get out. Since then, she has lost her father, and a brother to liver disease, and another brother is now serving time, after his 6th dui.
She would have zero tolerance, and frankly, I couldn't bare to let her down.
I know I can do this, even if it is alone. I'm at day 3, and I tell myself, if I can do the first 3 days, I can keep going.
Something I didn't mention is that my wife grew up in a family of alcoholics. This is why her and I left home at such early ages. She had to get out. Since then, she has lost her father, and a brother to liver disease, and another brother is now serving time, after his 6th dui.
She would have zero tolerance, and frankly, I couldn't bare to let her down.
I know I can do this, even if it is alone. I'm at day 3, and I tell myself, if I can do the first 3 days, I can keep going.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome Oldmedic. I'm glad you found us. This is a wonderful place where you'll feel at home.
I'm sorry you've had such a difficult & challenging beginning. Be proud that you've faced this problem and see what needs to happen. I remember the horrific experience of withdrawal. It's dangerous and terrifying to go through it - but you never have to go back there again. Please keep reading and posting here - I think it's really going to help you.
I'm sorry you've had such a difficult & challenging beginning. Be proud that you've faced this problem and see what needs to happen. I remember the horrific experience of withdrawal. It's dangerous and terrifying to go through it - but you never have to go back there again. Please keep reading and posting here - I think it's really going to help you.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Welcome! And remember that you must WANT sobriety more than you want to get drunk. That is the key. Don't try to hide your alcoholism or withdrawal from your wife. That is just setting yourself up for failure.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Perhaps after a time you might be able to tell her. I'm sure given her family history she knows the power and destruction of drink. You can do it and here is fantastic it helped me do what I thought was impossible.
Good luck.
John.
Good luck.
John.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 10
Thank you all for the words of encouragement. This is my first time seeking outside help, and I am finding it eye opening, while reading through other forum posts. So many things that I have/am going through, and I now see it in post after post, from others.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
Welcome, glad you joined us and congrats on making the decision to stop.
Do you really think your wife doesn't know? It seems strange if you are drinking that much and having grown up with alcoholics that she would not see the signs. I grew up with alcoholics all around me and can spot a drunk a mile away let alone in the bed next to me.
You will feel better in a day or two. My detox was awful but by day 4 I felt better, just weird. Day 5 I actually felt pretty good. I actually did it cold turkey, alone at home, as well.
Do you really think your wife doesn't know? It seems strange if you are drinking that much and having grown up with alcoholics that she would not see the signs. I grew up with alcoholics all around me and can spot a drunk a mile away let alone in the bed next to me.
You will feel better in a day or two. My detox was awful but by day 4 I felt better, just weird. Day 5 I actually felt pretty good. I actually did it cold turkey, alone at home, as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 10
Thanks LuLu! it does help to know that I am not doing this for nothing, and that it is possible to go it alone.
She knows that I often have a drink or two in the evenings. But, I am pretty sure she has no idea of the extent. There have been a couple of times that she questioned where the Rum I had in the cabinet went, but I always had an excuse.
Wife will be home in an hour or so. So, I am feeling excited, that I will now make it to Day 4. Thanks to you guys for keeping me company through this day.
She knows that I often have a drink or two in the evenings. But, I am pretty sure she has no idea of the extent. There have been a couple of times that she questioned where the Rum I had in the cabinet went, but I always had an excuse.
Wife will be home in an hour or so. So, I am feeling excited, that I will now make it to Day 4. Thanks to you guys for keeping me company through this day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
Alne, the insomnia may stick around for awhile. I am on day 18 (I think) and can still not sleep. As for your other symptoms you should feel better tomorrow and by day 4 you will be much improved. Hang in there, it isn't easy but I know you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Day 3 here for me Oldmedic. I had already forgotten something I am really grateful for: that I didn't wake up with the knot of anxiety in my chest. Thank you for reminding me.
I DO depend on AA and try to get to a meeting a day (although clearly, that has not stopped my drinking) but it helps. I work at home alone too, and the sheer boredom and repetitiveness of it got me started drinking again after a lot of sober years.
Let's hang in there on Day 3.
I DO depend on AA and try to get to a meeting a day (although clearly, that has not stopped my drinking) but it helps. I work at home alone too, and the sheer boredom and repetitiveness of it got me started drinking again after a lot of sober years.
Let's hang in there on Day 3.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 10
I made it through last night, and am now on day 4. Last night was kind of rough. I couldnt sleep, and just wanted to make a run. I finally dozed off around 5 or so, this morning. I am tired and grumpy, BUT sober.
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