MidnightBlue

Yes, I am going cold-turkey, because, though I am 9+ months sober, I am still a hardcore addict.

I am strongly addicted to self-pity, resistance, and perfectionism.

This three-head dragon terrifies me every day, every morning, every night. It used to be the best friend of my drinking.

With its huge wings it blocks the light of my hopes, light of future and present moment.

With its fire-breathing it burns down my goals and my achievements.

It holds me stuck in life, and I am afraid to leave my "cave".

But, as in any fairy tale there's some magic sward that can cut off the ugly head.

I'll try "do it now". Without "after I drink this cup of coffee", "after I gather enough courage", "after circumstances are right", "after I stop looking like an idiot (in case if I really look like this for some reason").

I remember when I quit wine, the first week was harsh.

Ok, let it be one week then.

I'll let you know about my success.

Wish me luck)

silentrun

You got this. I just went cold turkey from being a martyr right fighter.

MidnightBlue

Thanks, Silentrun.

Martyr is some kind of old song for me too.

Good for you for fighting this)

AugustWest11

Your strong enough :-) Keep thinking that cause I know you can do this MB ..

MidnightBlue

Thanks, August) I will fight the bloody fight with the dragon.

alphaomega

Excellent !! I'll join you. But with a different three headed beast,

Fear, people pleasing, and guilt.

Where my sword at ?

Carlotta

once the dragon is identified, it is easier to slay.
For me, slaying the dragon is a work in progress more like wearing it off because even when I think I cut one of its heads off, it ends up popping back up at one point or another.
My own three headed dragon is Vindictiveness, People Pleasing and Perfectionism.
I think it is related to yours and Alpha's dragon.

MidnightBlue

Alphaomega, your dragon is a partner in crime of mine.

I'll think what will work as a magic sward for this)

MidnightBlue

Carlotta, your dragon is pretty much like mine.

I agree that it's work in progress. I just want to hit it hard so it will eventually understand that it shouldn't mess with me, and there's nothing for him here.

Jeni26

Oh my word, they must all be related....mine is fear, perfectionism and guilt!

You can do this MB. I know it. X

EndGameNYC

Right.

All are defenses against change, and formidable obstacles to personal well-being.

Hevyn

Hi Midnight. This is an insightful post. We're always hoping for the best for you, Dragonslayer. You can do this - I have no doubt.

BabyJane

Very inspiring post! Thank you! I need to go cold turkey from self pity and perfectionism is my worst enemy sometimes so I can relate! My cave is my bedroom. I literally don't leave some days. I don't answer calls. I don't look for jobs or pay bills or anything I just hide. Not good. Today I did not hide; I took some action. It felt SO good! I am learning. You are kicking butt too so way to go!!!

Dee74

I know you'll come out on top MB

D

MidnightBlue

Thank you, all)

MidnightBlue

Update:

Suffered a disastrous defeat from the Dragon yesterday.

It wins 1:0 by far...

But today is a new day, a new start, and I am not giving up.

Pulling my sword out of the sheath and moving forward.

Markala

It sounds to me like you have not studied the Big Book. The solution is in working the 12 steps as described in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. If you truly work the 12 steps as outlined in the book you will be clean, sober and happy. This is not so much giving advice as it is telling you what happened to me.

MidnightBlue

Markala, I am clean, and sober, and sometimes happy.

I am fighting perfectionism, resistance, self-pity and some other things. And I believe there's always more than one solution to coping with dragons and other issues.

But, thanks for stopping by.

Carlotta

I am a big fan of the steps and I have worked them within the contexts of Al Anon and also AA. Now that being said, there truly was no need to be patronizing toward Midnightblue for what was a lighthearted humorous post about dealing with one's "character defects". If I was brand new and knew nothing about the program, posts like yours would be a big turn off and would keep me away from the fellowship since I tend to steer clear of fanatics and fundamentalists of all persuasions.

OK back to dragon slaying. Where is my sword?

trikyriky

Oh the people pleasing , yes , number one for me .
Along with lonliness or the fear of being alone and regret

Tr