jessieandme2003

Good grief. I amaze even myself with my deep deep codie issues.

It is like I am watching myself and knowing it is wrong and yet I sure can't 'control' these emotions.

I am only happy when someone makes me feel special.

sick sick sick

I know. But it is true and I am trying to face it head on.

When I like a guy and don't hear from him I get all full of obsessive thought. Where is he? What is he thinking? Does he not adore me anymore? What could I have done to make him not adore me? And then I replay every moment, every word said, over and over in my mind to find what I could have done wrong.

It was that way with every guy I have been involved with, since teen years. I clearly fell into the codie pattern of picking guys who would need me so much they'd let me control things. They'd never want to leave me because it would be too hard for them to be on their own. And certainly with my AH, since he was the hardest to control, even though he needed me the most, I fell deep into codie behavior.

I never felt secure in a relationship where they'd just be expected to adore me without needing any more than my love and companionship. Where they'd give me more than I gave back.

So I know it. I am facing it. But I sure can't change it real quick.

I am 'watching' myself go on emotional highs and lows over a new fella who is just paying attention to me. If I get to talk to him and he gets to say all those things I need to hear, I am all kinds of happy. If time goes by and I haven't heard from him, I become a wreck of obsessive thought.

journeygal

((((((J&M))))))

Been there too. My life has centered around obsessive relationships. I realized a while ago that I had a need to be needed. I felt that if a guy didn't need me, he would have no reason to be with me. It never occurred to me that a guy would just want to be with me b/c I'm wonderful and beautiful!

Unfortunately, the high we get from hearing them say all those wonderful, reassuring things lasts for about 2 seconds, then the obsessive thoughts begin again. All the love and attention you seek needs to come from within, with help from God, the universe, or a higher power of your understanding. No one, and I mean no one will ever be able to fill up that hole you have in your soul. Once I realized that, it made it easier to start dealing with my relationship issues. No, it doesn't change overnight, but it's good that you're starting to face it.

Hugs,
JG

JT

Well said JG...when I figured that out is when I started to learn ways to fill that hole myself. It also helped me to learn to have less expectation of Ward.

JT

sunflowergal29

Way to go, J&M!
Realizing all this is the first step to changing! Awesome! Also- one day at a time you'll feel better (I am the same way- I want it ALL now!).
In January, I sat down and wrote a VERY long letter to my h (was almost like a step 4). It was the first letter I ever wrote to anyone that only included all of the things that I needed to change. When I was finished, I sat back and even though I realized how screwed up I was, I felt like I was finally looking myself square in the eye. I also felt this huge urge to find a quick fix (good ol' codie trait, lol!). I totally know where you are coming from!
-SFG29