Varys

Last week, I finally made the decision to quit alcohol for good. I did not make this decision lightly, and I have gone through the stages of refusing to even acknowledge I had a problem, to realizing it and trying various complex as well as more simple ways of limiting my drinking, but none of it has worked. So, despite knowing that without alcohol I would have to completely restart my social life (having social anxiety doesn't help), I made the decision to stop drinking.

I genuinely believed that once I'd found the courage to make that decision, the hardest part was over. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I was wrong and I really need some help to stop drinking. My life is just continuing along the same endless cycle that has gone on for about 4 years:

- The weekend comes, everyone else I know is going out for drinks.
- I go out and drink far too much, behave terribly, buy cocaine, spend more than I can afford etc.
- I spend the next 2 full days in bed feeling too guilty/depressed/anxious to get up (it's ALWAYS 2 days. I cannot seem to break this).
- I manage to drag myself back to work, telling myself I will never drink again and don't even want to.
- As the week goes on, I become extremely motivated by my work and personal development. I start feeling positive about myself and where I could go in life.
- The weekend comes and I'm feeling so positive that I forget (even after less than a week) about the severity of my drinking problem and convince myself that I am able to go out and socialize at the end of my week like a normal person.
- Back to bed for 2 days.

I don't know how to tell my future self at the end of the week not to go out

Dee74

Hi Varys

I had to re-iterate the message to myself that I was an alcoholic and that for me to drink bought catastrophe.

For me reading and posting here at SR helped do that.

I also needed to accept I needed to change my life in a lot of ways. Hanging out with old drinking buds in old drinking places meant one outcome for me - always.

I had to make different choices.

Maybe in time you'll be able to hang out, and not drink, *and* not be worried about it - but for now what about thinking of different things to do next weekend?

D

Acheleus

Same pattern here. Day 5 and working to break my cycle. We have to take alcohol seriously!

Varys

Thanks, hopefully this forum can help.

I guess the hardest part is accepting that I can't drink alcohol ever. I see everyone else getting drunk without it negatively affecting their lives and get frustrated that I can't do the same.

Ironman9292

I had to accept that I cant drink alcohol ever.. It was one of the hardest things to accept for me because alcohol was like my best friend. I had to basically distance myself from my drinking buddies and my brothers to accept that I was a dysfunctional alcoholic. As far as seeing the negatives that alcohol causes for everyone else, most likely you wont unless it is legal trouble and in the newspaper. Most people (alcoholics) will hide their alcohol related problems or play the blame game to keep the spotlight off of themselves. So I guess what Im saying is that alcohol doesn't do anything good for anyone. That's a hard thing for me to say considering that I lived most of my adult life in a beer commercial..

hypochondriac

I had the exact same thought, it didn't help to think about it though. Acceptance sometimes comes in waves, we don't just realise we have a problem and then quit and stay quit. Otherwise there'd be no need for recovery methods or forums like these.

I found that reading about AVRT helped me. Even though I knew I had to quit drinking I still had that internal dialogue all the time which inevitably led me back to drinking. Even just the crash course on AVRT helped me just identify that voice and helped me ignore it.

And of course you could always try going to an AA meeting instead of out drinking... It seems like you have identified what you want to do but the same pattern keeps repeating itself so you need to try something different. Be very strict with yourself and do not go out with friends. Most of us find that extremely difficult in the early days of sobriety anyway so don't put undue pressure on yourself. Pre plan something else to do at the weekend that you can't get out of. You can always come here for support if you are feeling lonely at the weekends x

whiskeyman

this was the thing that changed my drinking career.
It was my choice. It didnt feel like it was but it was.

Do something different this week.

FreedomSought

Also, its Wednesday, stop the personal development crap, too. Obviously it makes you arrogant. I used to listen to personal development at work all day, too, then get home and pack a bowl, satisfied with a "productive" day. Over time, I ended up just lying to myself again and again with each affirmation. I'd even get high and do affirmations. But when I started to get bed-stuck for days at a time without weed, I finally had the time to myself to be like "damn, what am I getting myself into?"

Personal development and self improvement literature is just as much an addiction as drugs itself. Produces a false sense of productivity and superiority over the "cynics" and "negative people". Pull out that Jenga piece and the rest will topple down, too.

Notmyrealname

Write yourself a letter on Saturday morning while you're in bed explaining how much of a bad idea it was to go pounding down mixed drinks and cocaine, and how you could have done other things that would have made you much happier, and then when you are deciding you want to go out, take a moment to read that letter.

If you still go out despite being told in no uncertain language BY YOURSELF that you will regret it, well, I dunno what to tell you at that point

Maybe that will help.

DorianLastname

How to break the endless cycle? First by not calling it endless. It's a cycle that will end. It does make a difference.

So ask yourself how to break this cycle that's been going for up until now. How can you break that one?

xuse

Same pattern going here . But lately I'm on a role .

GracieLou

I would not be so sure, can you see into their house? Are they laying in bed the next day? Or are they awake but grabbing the bottle to control the shakes and to hide from the hang over?

I have heard that comparing ourselves to others can compare us right out of recovery but it can also keep us from ever seeking it. We assume that others do not have the same issues we have. We are different.

Then you come to a message board like this and not so much. I am different from "them" but the same as you.

I have gotten to a point that I accept that this is my life. I only get one and I have wasted half of it drinking. I am not saying my life has been pure crap but now that I have a taste of sobriety I can say it could have been a whole lot better. I can't go back and I won't waste any more of my life.

I did not accept it kicking an screaming. I let go, I stopped fighting for my right to be "normal". I have never been normal so in reality I have no clue what I was trying to accomplish.

Varys

Some interesting replies! All very helpful, thanks.

I'm interested about what it is you classify as personal development, because actually I do sometimes get that superior feeling. Are you talking about specific books which contain self motivation techniques etc? Or just generally trying to better yourself?

I'm trying to work on various things about myself eg. Stop smoking, live in the moment more, manage my time better, worry less etc (but also I am reading an Anthony Robbins book) Surely there can be nothing but good about that?

bigsombrero

Sounds like you're really in tune with the problem and your self-awareness is spot on. Thanks for posting here you're getting some really good feedback.

How old are you? I ask because at some point, the cycle of "going out" is going to end. In my experience once I hit 30, my old gang stopped going out to the bars. I found new, younger friends and kept hitting the scene...but regardless, time caught up to me and it will catch up to you as well.

It sounds like the pull to "go out" is something that's causing you problems. Try and think about it - what will you be missing if you don't go to the pubs and bars this weekend? Are your friends holding MENSA meetings or are you all just tilting back beers and talking about guys/chicks and killing brain cells? What sort of future is in this? What are you really getting out of this type of socialization? How is it benefiting you?

Maybe you could start making breakfast plans, or plan other things, early in the morning on weekends. You know those people who go kayaking at 6am on Saturdays, or camping trips, or go out and take cool photos of the sunrise over the lake? Try being one of those folks this weekend. Find something to do. All the best and welcome.

Addi

Sometimes all those self-help books just feed your ego which makes you feel cocky and feeds that voice in your head that says you have everything under control ( I too have quite a collection of these books). I think realizing we don't have control and giving all this addictive mess to God is going to be the only way for me. My books by Wayne Dyer however support sobriety for anyone who wants to live a meaningful life. Hang in there, I'm a weekend warrior as well but am going to stay sober this weekend!

visch1

It's interesting, the only self help books I have are from AA and they have worked for + 30 years for myself and millions of alcoholics. BE WELL

Varys

Thanks. I'm 23 which is why it's hard to let go of the whole "going out" phase as everyone I know basis their social life around alcohol. But the rational side of me knows that I could gain a real edge and save myself a lot of wasted time if I can overcome this and stop drinking now.