My trigger? FOMO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 71
My trigger? FOMO
Fear of missing out. I heard a morning radio show talk jokingly about this, but I can totally relate. I'm on day 5 and have already been in like 3 situations where people are drinking. Today I already cancelled plans I had with a friend I really wanted to see, partially because I was a little afraid she wanted to get afternoon drinks and I just wasn't feeling up to dealing with it.
So, I was responsible all day. Ran errands, went to the gym, hung with the fiancee. Then, my phone is blowing up with friends, mostly from work, wanting to go to happy hour or the Tuesday night special at one of our haunts. I can go to these places, in theory. The happy hour has a good sushi menu and we play pool at the bar. I want to be able to do these things with my friends and I think I can. My problem is with stopping drinking, so as long as I remember not to start, I can usually be cool. In fact, I'll often get bored faster and not even stay out as long as I used to.
I like hanging out with people and I don't mind being sober at bars. I do it sometimes anyway. But I've forgotten in the past what led me to decide to quit drinking, so how do I keep that fresh in my mind? How do I keep myself from tricking me into thinking I'll be cool with just one?
I think I'll skip the activities tonight, just to be safe. I was excited to have the evening to myself at home before people started calling me. But I always feel a little down thinking about people having fun without me.
Anyway, day 5 and feeling determined.
So, I was responsible all day. Ran errands, went to the gym, hung with the fiancee. Then, my phone is blowing up with friends, mostly from work, wanting to go to happy hour or the Tuesday night special at one of our haunts. I can go to these places, in theory. The happy hour has a good sushi menu and we play pool at the bar. I want to be able to do these things with my friends and I think I can. My problem is with stopping drinking, so as long as I remember not to start, I can usually be cool. In fact, I'll often get bored faster and not even stay out as long as I used to.
I like hanging out with people and I don't mind being sober at bars. I do it sometimes anyway. But I've forgotten in the past what led me to decide to quit drinking, so how do I keep that fresh in my mind? How do I keep myself from tricking me into thinking I'll be cool with just one?
I think I'll skip the activities tonight, just to be safe. I was excited to have the evening to myself at home before people started calling me. But I always feel a little down thinking about people having fun without me.
Anyway, day 5 and feeling determined.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Five days is awesome. It's also too early to try to maintain your old social habits. Get some sobriety under your belt, months worth if it takes that long to feel comfortable, and then you can join your friends.
For now, pursue sober activities. Good luck.
For now, pursue sober activities. Good luck.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Yes - FOMO caused me so much grief over the years. It was hard, but I finally admitted that my drinking was never fun, rewarding, or satisfying. It only led to disaster. Congratulations on your 5 days - and for realizing what triggers you. Glad you posted about it, WH. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
I know for certain I could have stayed sober if I went to bars or to any place where alcohol was being served. I was too vulnerable and stopping drinking was too important to me.
Congratulations on 5 days sober.
Congratulations on 5 days sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,377
I had FOMO too.
Of course the irony for me is realising now what I was really missing out on all those years playing pool and hanging round in bars.
I think Carl has it right - if doing all those things leads you back to drinking, and you want to stop drinking, then you need a break.
I took a few months out before I felt that nothing or noone could make me forget I was an alcoholic. a few months against the rest of my life was no biggie, altho it felt that way at the time.
You may need a shorter time, I dunno....but going into those situations and not feeling secure is dangerous ground.
D
Of course the irony for me is realising now what I was really missing out on all those years playing pool and hanging round in bars.
I think Carl has it right - if doing all those things leads you back to drinking, and you want to stop drinking, then you need a break.
I took a few months out before I felt that nothing or noone could make me forget I was an alcoholic. a few months against the rest of my life was no biggie, altho it felt that way at the time.
You may need a shorter time, I dunno....but going into those situations and not feeling secure is dangerous ground.
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by WritingHelps 
But I always feel a little down thinking about people having fun without me. .
Regarding your quote above, you are assuming the only way to have fun is to drink. Couldn't be farther from the truth, but we just have to open our eyes and minds to other things once the booze cloud has lifted. In fact, most people don't drink while having fun. It's tough, but you will find satisfaction and fun in other activities.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Day 5 here and I was invited for drinks this thursday, but I know I cannot go. It sucks but I have no way of predicting what will happen when I drink. I hope you find a way to have fun once you get more sobriety. Today I did joke with a girl and made her laugh, so I know I can be charming without alcohol. I probably only scared girls when I was drunk. Stay strong!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Tomorrow I will be missing the biggest country music festival of the year--all because I am too early in my recovery to go to places where alcohol is served and don't want to be around 5,000 drunkards. But I'm okay with that. I rather miss the festival than ending up relapsing. Maybe next year I will be in a position to easily be around alcohol and drunkards without being tempted.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi WritingHelps, 5 days is awesome!!!! 
Your question was:
I get exactly where you're coming from. So often when our AV is talking (addictive or alcoholic voice) and we're craving we are hearing "Hey, so why did you quit anyway, it wasn't really that bad was it? You can have just one!"
The answer to this question is in your name
Take a piece of paper and list the reasons that you quit drinking. Also, write out what happened all the other times that you said that you would have "just one".
Hang on to that piece (or pieces which would be the case for most of us) of paper and when the AV comes calling pull it out and be really honest with yourself when you read it. That AV will still be tricky because you'll read a reason and it will say "Hey, but that really wasn't that bad now that you think of it, was it?".
The AV is a very powerful thing. You know what though? You are MORE powerful. So pull that list out and read it, and be honest with yourself when you do this. I know it helped me!
Here's to more days ahead, YOU CAN DO THIS!
Your question was:
But I've forgotten in the past what led me to decide to quit drinking, so how do I keep that fresh in my mind? How do I keep myself from tricking me into thinking I'll be cool with just one?
The answer to this question is in your name
Take a piece of paper and list the reasons that you quit drinking. Also, write out what happened all the other times that you said that you would have "just one".
Hang on to that piece (or pieces which would be the case for most of us) of paper and when the AV comes calling pull it out and be really honest with yourself when you read it. That AV will still be tricky because you'll read a reason and it will say "Hey, but that really wasn't that bad now that you think of it, was it?".
The AV is a very powerful thing. You know what though? You are MORE powerful. So pull that list out and read it, and be honest with yourself when you do this. I know it helped me!
Here's to more days ahead, YOU CAN DO THIS!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
I know what you mean with this, I am not so afraid of being left out as missing out on the chit chat with old friends and such. It's actually not hard for me to stay sober around them, I just can't hang like I used to in general...getting old..boo!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi WH.
FOMO begins in infancy and has its normal limits. When we're at an age when we depend almost completely on others for our well-being, it's not a good idea to be sleeping when we are so much in need of feeding, care and affection. As toddlers, we're amazed at all the wonders in life, both big and small, and we fight our mommies to stay up at night as long as possible. It's typically not an easy thing to get our young children to bed on Christmas Eve. Who wants to be sleeping when Santa Claus arrives?
Alcohol gives many of us such a tremendous rush, that we spend many years attempting to recapture that initial experience. Problem is, we sometimes do approach Shangri La when drinking, only making us more determined to get back to that magical place. Sleeping for us is replaced by passing out and blacking out. We want to be there when that rush arrives. After enough drinking, that rush never comes. Also, sleeping cuts into our drinking time.
I learned that what I missed during my many years of heavy drinking was more important than what I may miss by being sober.
FOMO begins in infancy and has its normal limits. When we're at an age when we depend almost completely on others for our well-being, it's not a good idea to be sleeping when we are so much in need of feeding, care and affection. As toddlers, we're amazed at all the wonders in life, both big and small, and we fight our mommies to stay up at night as long as possible. It's typically not an easy thing to get our young children to bed on Christmas Eve. Who wants to be sleeping when Santa Claus arrives?
Alcohol gives many of us such a tremendous rush, that we spend many years attempting to recapture that initial experience. Problem is, we sometimes do approach Shangri La when drinking, only making us more determined to get back to that magical place. Sleeping for us is replaced by passing out and blacking out. We want to be there when that rush arrives. After enough drinking, that rush never comes. Also, sleeping cuts into our drinking time.
I learned that what I missed during my many years of heavy drinking was more important than what I may miss by being sober.
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