Cloudygray

I'm winding down 48 hours of sobriety, mostly kicking weed, but also avoiding anything else that would take the edge off. Didn't plan it, just had the supply dry up and found myself here. Spent 4 or 5 days scraping and waiting, trying to psychically summon a call from "the guy", but the call never comes. Last time I quit like this was just about a year ago, and I only made it 2 weeks. I've quit drinking coffee the past 2 days, barely am smoking cigarettes, barely eating, almost never turn the lights on. Is this all because of withdrawal? I feel alone because I don't know who in my life I can reach out to, everyone either smokes or a few people that don't (I think) I don't feel comfortable reaching out to. The default answer here seems to be "go to a meeting", but I don't even feel like I can make it 1 block to the store for juice/popsicles, let alone several blocks to a room full of strangers. I write here for distraction, 5 more minutes of the day passed. In and out of sleep. Sad and angry. Maybe I'll feel better in a couple more hours.

Hevyn

Welcome to SR Cloudygray. That was good thinking - coming here for distraction. You'll also learn a lot and hopefully feel less alone by joining us. We all understand what you're going through.

I had no one in my life I could reach out to either - everyone could drink or smoke socially & not have it take over their life. That's why being here helped me so much. I finally found the strength I needed to stop all together. Glad you found us.

soberhawk

Welcome cloudgray.

It passes.

I hope you feel better soon.

Dee74

welcome cloudygray
posting and reading here got me through a few difficult days at the start

are you looking for a permanent break from the weed?

D

Cloudygray

Permanent is a scary word.. I don't really know how I feel about it.. I realize I could have tried much harder to obtain it, but I didn't.. I feel like that means something, even if I'm not sure what. Considering that I think the longest I have gone without in the past 6 or 7 years is a couple weeks, and in the past 15 years or so is several months.. it's difficult to think "never again!!" and really believe it. But I have kept thinking "someday" I will quit for a while and see what life is like, I just don't think I've ever made it around the bend to the happier side.

I feel it the most here, though, in the stages of being without and the way it makes me feel crazy and in my common sense brain I know the only freedom from this is to STOP. I celebrated the legalization of it here in Washington state last year, and I feel like I have been counting down the months until I no longer have to rely on "the guy" and can go to the "happy hippie stores" I'm sure will pop up as much as the medical shops have. That idea of accessibility is scary to the "permanent" quitting idea. I know people go through this with alcohol, which has never been a demon for me, but I have quit smoking cigarettes before and been through that temptation.. and of course, those quits have yet to be permanent, also!

To be honest, it is easier here for me to not reach out, to just stare at the phone and not call or not text again, but I don't know if my willpower would stand up if the call or text came to me "hey come get it" or "hey lets hang out".

I feel like this "opportunity" has come for a reason, though, and I'm trying not to jump to conclusions about what that is yet. Maybe it's just a few days of clarity, a couple weeks on the wagon, maybe it is the first step to permanent.

Sorensen

Sounds like withdrawal to me, you need to keep doing everything you can to keep your mind occupied. Read a book, do laundry, clean the house, go for a walk, join more blogs online, watch porn....lol

they might seem difficult at first, but tackle one thing at a time and you will build confidence in yourself to do more.