grandma12

Hi I am 239 days sober, I didn't start drinking until I was 46 I'm 52 now, it was after the death of my Mother that I had taken care of for as long as I could remember. My problem is that My 32 year old daughter is a alcoholic. She cant seem to stay sober for any amount of time. In last 2 years her drinking has gotten so bad that she drives with her kids drunk, has never been caught I don't know how that is. she has lost her husband, her job of many years and if she cant get it together her kids. Already her 10 year old son from first marriage can only vist if I am here. After losing her job I let her move in with me with the girls 6/7 with the understanding that first 30 day she was not to go anywhere withouth me. We both felt that if she could get to 30 days she would be able to contuine. well she drank on one occaction when she was suppose to be at a welfair app. I let her stay then a week later again after she met with a therypharist . that day she ended in jail for drunk in plubic. that was two weeks ago. I feel that she has drank some but I cant prove it and only seems mildly buzzed. Now as to why I going crazy I check up on her I check her car the trash, her room ect. I havnt been able to relax since she moved in 7 weeks ago. I keep telling myself to just be ready to ask her to leave next time she gets drunk and she will her sneeking one here or there always leads to a full on drunk. But I don't want her to fail she will end up on the street. I pray that she will leave the girls with me. Im not sure what I thought I would get out of posting here but maybe just to vent. Sorry this is do long. I hope your day is going better then mine.

Recovering2

Stop checking the car, the trash, the room. What's the purpose? And I say that having done exactly that in the past. She knows she's drinking, and you know she's drinking, so there's nothing to be gained by looking for it. It just serves to keep you crazy in the chaos. You don't "want" her to fail, but she needs to be allowed to fail if she's ever going to find sobriety. As long as you get in the way of her Higher Power by rescuing her, nothing will change. You had an agreement when she moved in, and she's not respecting that. When you back down she learns that your words are only words.

Find an AlAnon group to help you sort this out. Learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself, and keep them. My parents have been helping my brother avoid failing his entire life. He's now 50 and still drinking...and living with them. Trust me, you don't want that for either you or your daughter.

Seren

Hello Grandma12, Congratulations on your, now 240 days?!!!

I can only tell you that constantly policing an adult child will not end their drinking--never worked with my stepson. And it only made his father and I completely insane with worry and stress.

I suppose what you need to do is decide for yourself what are the rules of your house. What do you feel is acceptable or appropriate behavior around you? What are your boundaries to protect yourself and your sobriety? Do your grandchildren have a father who can take them if needed?

grandma12

Thank you both, I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. I am ready to let her go in the hopes that she finds herself. Their Dad doesn't even have a home at this point. They lost everything due to AD drinking. I would be willing to let him stay here with the girls. We get along great. thank you again your words really helped.

Katiekate

But I don't want her to fail she will end up on the street.


I don't want her to fail either, we have no control of that.

I would be asking myself how can I get custody of these children.

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation, maybe the street is the best place for her.

It's agonizing.

Sending peaceful toughts your way.

katie

grandma12

I am working on getting temp custody. Dad will support me Mom will when she is sober. but I need it going through the courts so when she drunk she cant take them.

grandma12

I knew it would happen. AD is now on the streets, the girls are spending the weekend at Dads, he says they would be better off here, but that's just because he is lazy. Idk what is going to happen I cant quit crying today. daughter texted earlier that she was at mission and she was sry and loved me and will get her life and kids back, but before night was done she was telling me I am a bitch again and never tried to help. bottoms up.

grandma12

Well I let her and kids back last sat, she agreed to all the rules, that lasted for 6 days. Friday night she went out with a guy, for a few hours she did show up at aa. we went to a sober sister workshop all day sat, I thought thing were going ok. After meeting we had shoping to do at witch time she told me she wouldn't be home for dinner, she was going bowling for few hours. I was very angry i told her that was not our agreement, she went didn't come home until 9;30 this morning. The Kids are at their dads. I am so tired from worry all night I really don't know what to do. I have no one I can talk to about this. There are kids involed she said she wont leave them with me, so all of them will be on the street. This is the first time in 8+ months I want to drink. If I make her leave I will drink, one of the biggest reason I quite was to support her. So I see no reason not to enjoy a drink.

wicked

Grandma,

I am 17 years sober today.
I had to quit drinking for ME and only ME.
The kids, well, they reminded me of why I had to stay sober.
They needed one sane adult in their life.

Enjoy a drink? No, you are not fooling me with that.
The fun went out of drinking a long time ago, didn't it?
Otherwise, why quit?

If you want to start drinking again, go ahead,
but at least be honest with yourself about it.

You will not get any support to start drinking again here.
Go to a meeting.
Try something else besides getting drunk.

If your daughter is choosing alcohol and the streets, if you start drinking again,
who will help those kids?

Beth

honeypig

Really? Why? How does that logically follow? If you enforce the rules you set regarding her, if you actually do what you said you would do, somehow that means you then have to drink?

Granted, I'm not an A, but I don't get this.

LexieCat

I'm sober almost five years, and believe me, your sobriety doesn't depend on what she does or doesn't do. If you want to make her behavior an excuse to drink, go right ahead. It won't change a thing that she's doing, you will be throwing away your own hard-won sobriety. Makes zero sense to me, but it's your life.

I got sober when I was right around your age--52. I just turned 57 and I'm almost five years sober. One of the reasons I quit was I didn't want to spend the remaining years of my life as a drunk. I could see myself as one of those crazy old ladies who never goes out and has the booze delivered to my door. Ugh.

That's what you have to look forward to if you pick up a drink.

grandma12

My main reason for quiting was to show her it can be done. I didn't have any bad thing happen while drinking. I drank by my self never driving, I didn't get drunk when we went out of had ppl over. I will really think about it if I decide to drink, I don't do much of anything without thought. Thank you all for your opion.

funkynassau

I hope you dont start drinking again, your reasons to suggest you will are not valid ones. Besides, someone has to remain sober and coherent for the sake of the kids! You say she says she'll take the kids and they'll all be on the street. The local Children's Aid would not let that happen to the kids, and that might be a good way for you to get temp. custody if she did try such a foolish thing.

Keep strong, grandma, the kids need you.

NWGRITS

I applaud your efforts to stay sober, but please remember that sobriety is for YOU, not anyone else. Hanging the burden of responsibility for remaining sober on your daughter's potential sobriety isn't fair to either of you. It strips both of you of the dignity to make your own decisions for yourselves. Please get to an AA or Al-Anon meeting right away if you can. You will be in my prayers.

grandma12

I wont be drinking today, She cant make me do something I may regret later. thank you all. but I am going to get in bed pull the covers over my head.

dandylion

Grandmas are my favorite people in the world--God bless the good grandmothers. I don't know what would have happened to me without my grandma!!! I still think of her every single day.

P.S. Drinking won't help you--grandma. you don't need it, anyway. You are doing fine.

dandylion