I failed, I failed, I failed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cambridge, UK
Posts: 76
I failed, I failed, I failed
I got to 35 days sober and last night something just went BOOOOM in my head. I didn't put up a fight, I just went to the nearest shop, bought alcohol and drank it.
I feel numb today because I failed.
I feel numb today because I failed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
You didn't fail DS, you stumbled. You have come straight back here and posted so that counts as a win in my book 
35 days is also a massive achievement and one night of drinking can't take that away from you. It's nice to aim for perfection but we can settle for progress x
35 days is also a massive achievement and one night of drinking can't take that away from you. It's nice to aim for perfection but we can settle for progress x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Welcome back. I was grateful I was able to get back after my many slips. They said "keep coming" and fortunately I did. Each slide showed me that my tricks didn't work and I discovered that if I didn't pick up the first drink I didn't have to get sober AGAIN. So Profound. BE WELL
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Ditto the above, I celebrated my first 30 days sobriety with a three week binge. I came back and am nearly 5 months now. At least you have more sense than me and came back right away.
Don't beat yourself up, and don't use this stumble as an excuse to stay down. Come on reach out, we'll haul you back on your feet x
Don't beat yourself up, and don't use this stumble as an excuse to stay down. Come on reach out, we'll haul you back on your feet x
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
DS777 ,
You did a whoopsie yesterday but it is nice to have you back with us today
Get back to your sober routine that gave you those 35 days and in a few days maybe have a look at what led up to you getting the Alcohol ..
In my experience it dosn't actually happen by magic there are always some exit ramps we fly by when on that course of action and because of hunger , anger , lonliness , tiredness , boredom , apathy , depression we kinda sail on past them .
Bestwishes, m
You did a whoopsie yesterday but it is nice to have you back with us today
Get back to your sober routine that gave you those 35 days and in a few days maybe have a look at what led up to you getting the Alcohol ..
In my experience it dosn't actually happen by magic there are always some exit ramps we fly by when on that course of action and because of hunger , anger , lonliness , tiredness , boredom , apathy , depression we kinda sail on past them .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cambridge, UK
Posts: 76
Thank you all. Today I contemplated getting more booze to lick my wounds for boozing last night. That's just completely crackers isn't it? But I haven't, instead I'm here on SR, thank God!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Originally Posted by DS777 
But I do feel like a big pile of poo
You have 35 days of sobriety against one day. You keep a good score, and now you know when to watch out.
Tomorrow will be a brand new day. A fresh start.
Best luck to you, keep your chin up)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Glad you're back and sober.
Can you look back and figure out what happened in the process so that you ended up buying alcohol? For a long time, I thought it just 'happened', and then eventually I realized that my mind had been on 'auto' for some time and I really wasn't conscious. I think that's why living in the moment is so important in recovery.
Can you look back and figure out what happened in the process so that you ended up buying alcohol? For a long time, I thought it just 'happened', and then eventually I realized that my mind had been on 'auto' for some time and I really wasn't conscious. I think that's why living in the moment is so important in recovery.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
DS, set a goal to not drink for 70 days, you already know you can make it 35 days. Starting over is all ya can do, and remember addiction is a very powerful disease, so don't beat yourself up to much. Rootin for ya. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Dear DS777,
Yesterday, SoberJennie posted an excellent thread on Relapse Prevention.
Here is the thread link: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...revention.html
I highly suggest you read the referenced publication by the NIAA ("National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism"): http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...-2/151-160.pdf
I particularly like this article because it describes cognitive restructuring and how it may help with relapse prevention.
Don't beat yourself up. Simply learn from it!!
(On the bottom of page 6 to top of page 7)"
Yesterday, SoberJennie posted an excellent thread on Relapse Prevention.
Here is the thread link: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...revention.html
I highly suggest you read the referenced publication by the NIAA ("National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism"): http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...-2/151-160.pdf
I particularly like this article because it describes cognitive restructuring and how it may help with relapse prevention.
Don't beat yourself up. Simply learn from it!!
(On the bottom of page 6 to top of page 7)"
“Cognitive Restructuring. Cognitive restructuring, or reframing, is used throughout the RP treatment process to assist clients in modifying their attributions for and perceptions of the relapse process.
In particular, cognitive restructuring is a critical component of interventions to lessen the abstinence violation effect.
Thus clients are taught to reframe their perception of lapses – to view them not as failures or indicators of a lack of willpower but as mistakes or errors in the learning that signal the need for increased planning to cope more effectively in similar situations in the future.
This perspective considers lapses key learning opportunities resulting from an interaction between coping and situational determinants, both of which can be modified in the future.
This reframing of lapse episodes can help decrease the clients’ tendency to view lapses as the result of personal failing or moral weakness and remove the self-fulfilling prophecy that a lapse will inevitably lead to a relapse.”
In particular, cognitive restructuring is a critical component of interventions to lessen the abstinence violation effect.
Thus clients are taught to reframe their perception of lapses – to view them not as failures or indicators of a lack of willpower but as mistakes or errors in the learning that signal the need for increased planning to cope more effectively in similar situations in the future.
This perspective considers lapses key learning opportunities resulting from an interaction between coping and situational determinants, both of which can be modified in the future.
This reframing of lapse episodes can help decrease the clients’ tendency to view lapses as the result of personal failing or moral weakness and remove the self-fulfilling prophecy that a lapse will inevitably lead to a relapse.”
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 375
35 days sober was great. Today is great if you don't drink. Tomorrow will be great if you don't drink. The only day you need to worry about out of all those days is today. Today is the only day you need to stay sober. When the urge strikes you, get out of that situation and thought process with whatever it takes... A walk... A shower... Eat something.... Drink water.... Find a meeting... Find a church, temple or whatever.... Go to sleep, meditate, take some exercise, watch a sobriety movie or documentary... Phone a friend. Or do what you did and come straight back here. Well done for that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cambridge, UK
Posts: 76
I know being hungover is making me feel more sensitive and hopefully I'll wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow, but I was so proud of my 35 days and I want to kick my own self up the backside for walking straight into it last night.
I really appreciate your posts, I'm not too good at taking nice comments from people. Because of my drinking, my self esteem has sort of gone down the toilet!!
I really appreciate your posts, I'm not too good at taking nice comments from people. Because of my drinking, my self esteem has sort of gone down the toilet!!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I think it's important to realize that (and I mean desperately important) to realize it did not "just go boom in your head". Please think back as to where you started detaching from your sobriety. What occurred? What triggered you? Where you stewing about something? You were out of sorts? We're you overtired? Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Were visions of cocktails dancin' in your head a day or two before?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by DS777
I got to 35 days sober and last night something just went BOOOOM in my head. I didn't put up a fight, I just went to the nearest shop, bought alcohol and drank it.
I feel numb today because I failed.
I feel numb today because I failed.
It kinda freaked me out that the AA book has an italicized part that concurs with both of our experiences:
"...most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure,
have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called
will power becomes practically nonexistent.
We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness
with sufficient force the memory of the suffering
and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.
We are without defense against the first drink."
Pretty spooky to realize that, for me, "at certain times" I'd likely just drink because I wouldn't remember to remember all my past pain.......and that I didn't have the power in myself to stop it. Now I don't think this is true for everyone - many CAN and DO successfully "just say no" and they even stick to it. Me, I could do that for a while but sooner or later I'd be drinking again - failed again. And I don't think it's harsh to say "I failed." I had a goal to stay sober......when I don't accomplish that goal it means I've failed to accomplish that goal, or, "I failed" for short. Admitting I fail is healthy....it's honest. You can dress it up anyway you want and call it anything you want but a rose by any other name is still a rose, right?
Hopefully you still HAVE the power to keep yourself sober forever. I knew from the beginning that I lacked both the will AND the power to do so - forEVER anyway. If you find yourself in the same boat I was in, the good news is AA will be around, just as it has been for the past 80+ years, providing a solution to alcoholics who don't have the power to fix themselves permanently.
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