not talking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 68
not talking
Hi..me and my alcoholic boyfriend are not talking again after he bit my head off last Tuesday after he had been saying he was not drinking anymore for weeks..chose Monday as his stop day and drank Tuesday...he got angry and told me to leave. Since then he has messaged me a couple of times to say he loves me...I have mixed feelings about our relationship at the moment.
On the one hand I know we have no future if he carries on drinking as he s too unpredictable and I find it draining constantly reassuring him and watching what i say...on the other hand like most people on here when he isnt drinking hes great. His drinking has spiralled out of control over the past couple of months and i sent a message after our fall out saying as such.
Im determined not to message him although its very tempting..and will struggle not to reply when he does message.
We had a similar fall out earlier this year..we didnt speak for 6 weeks then he got in touch, we talked and decided to try again. He said all kinds of things like he couldnt live without me, etc etc...and since then we got on really well which is why its so difficult. We've talked a lot and ive shared my feelings on how his drinking affects me which he has taken on board to a degree.
It feels to me at the moment that hes waiting for me to apologise r something...? but him taking his anger out on me is not fair and not something Im willing to accept. Its hard sticking to my guns because doubts set in (have i been unfair, am i making mountains out of molehills etc)
I hate feeling like this.
On the one hand I know we have no future if he carries on drinking as he s too unpredictable and I find it draining constantly reassuring him and watching what i say...on the other hand like most people on here when he isnt drinking hes great. His drinking has spiralled out of control over the past couple of months and i sent a message after our fall out saying as such.
Im determined not to message him although its very tempting..and will struggle not to reply when he does message.
We had a similar fall out earlier this year..we didnt speak for 6 weeks then he got in touch, we talked and decided to try again. He said all kinds of things like he couldnt live without me, etc etc...and since then we got on really well which is why its so difficult. We've talked a lot and ive shared my feelings on how his drinking affects me which he has taken on board to a degree.
It feels to me at the moment that hes waiting for me to apologise r something...? but him taking his anger out on me is not fair and not something Im willing to accept. Its hard sticking to my guns because doubts set in (have i been unfair, am i making mountains out of molehills etc)
I hate feeling like this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 68
Exactly. I really believed he wanted to stop after everything hes been saying..that hes had enough and all the rest of it. When I left I said I wasn't going back this time while he was like this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsburg, Pa.
Posts: 389
Not sure if this is helpful or not, but I struggle to keep sober, and have seen that I tend to do a push/pull thing when involved in a close male relationship (being female) when drinking.....almost as if I don't know what I want more...the beer or "THE GUY". I wind up getting angry & confused. It is nearly impossible to have a healthy, intimate relationship if you don't have one with yourself First. And, I find trying to have an even tempered (at least !) relationship if the other is a drinker, keeps me from maintaining sobriety. I am ending the one close relationship, at least the closeness, I presently have
with a man. Helpful ?
with a man. Helpful ?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Lather Rinse Repeat. He isn't changing. He drinks, you get upset, he makes promises, you get along for a period of time, he breaks promises and drinks, you get upset.....
Pippi is right. Don't listen to what he says, watch what he does. He isn't getting into recovery. He placates you long enough to get back in your good graces, then he's back to his same ways. And sadly, there isn't anything you can do about that. But you can change YOU. You can decide you want more for YOUR life. You can make decisions for YOU.
I would suggest you find an AlAnon group. Find support for yourself, start working on you. You are NOT making a mountain out of a molehill, this is a serious disease with serious consequences.
Pippi is right. Don't listen to what he says, watch what he does. He isn't getting into recovery. He placates you long enough to get back in your good graces, then he's back to his same ways. And sadly, there isn't anything you can do about that. But you can change YOU. You can decide you want more for YOUR life. You can make decisions for YOU.
I would suggest you find an AlAnon group. Find support for yourself, start working on you. You are NOT making a mountain out of a molehill, this is a serious disease with serious consequences.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
What can he possibly tell you that isn't quacking? You already know what's up!! He's an active alcoholic...that's what's up! You don't have to wait for tomorrow for that one.
Just remember.....don't listen to his words, watch his actions. Nothing changes if Nothing changes.
Just remember.....don't listen to his words, watch his actions. Nothing changes if Nothing changes.
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