thenotoriousdud

Well I did it... I went against everything that I promised myself I would do in the 2 weeks since she went on the latest binge. She called today and wanted to spend some time with our nephew and me. I wanted to tell her to go **** herself I swear but I just couldn't do it.
The afternoon went well though, we talked, laughed and had a generally nice visit. We took our nephew to the park where he fell and busted his lip open. My addict was her old nurturing self running to the rescue of our little man. Luckily, just when I started to get nostalgic and want my old life back the baggie of crack fell out of her wallet onto the floor of my van. I call it Divine Intervention because at that point I stopped longing for the illusion and faced reality. She has rented a room in a fleabag motel and is apparently selling crack to support her habit. I highly doubt that she would be able to maintain this "business" for very long. Reverting back to the sex trade is the inevitable next step if hasn't went there already.
I love my wife with all my heart but, I got lucky today and before I could slip up and allow myself to want her back that baggie fell out. I thank God that he led me to this site and you great folks, you have given me a place to vent and the knowledge that I am not alone in this thing. I have made it through the toughest day so far in my struggle to stay strong for my family. It has been hard, shutting her out and all but after today I think I will be alright.

AnvilheadII

oh my gosh....that had to be quite the MOMENT...everything it seemed it was....wasn't. now me as a former crack addict can't imagine ever going ANYWHERE when there was still any crack left. or being anywhere and trying to act NORMAL with a bunch of crack in my pocket!??

sigh. now you know. tough as it may be, now you KNOW. so sorry. it puts you both in such a lousy place.

thenotoriousdud

Funny you should mention that, as a former addict myself I had to give her credit for that. She must have really wanted to spend the afternoon with us to sit on all that dope like that. My sponsor thinks that it was her way of softening me up for her eventual attempt at returning home. My nephew enjoyed seeing his auntie though, so some good came of it. I wish things could go back to the way they were, but I am not fooling myself. Its over, I won't set myself up for another fall.

Ann

A "strangely wrapped gift". With all the shock of seeing that, the jolt back to reality is truly a gift.

No illusions when a bag of crack falls on the floor.

It's sad, I will keep her in my prayers.

Hugs

theotherhalf

wow good thing it fell out or who knows where youd be...the brain likes to mess with us, or at least for me, and only have the good time memories pop up in my head but when i start to think harder i remember the hell that i was put through...tough to shut someone out who you love so much...sorry to hear that but now you at least know and can move on...

thenotoriousdud

Got another call from her tonite. She wants to take me out for breakfast tomorrow. I am not going to accept. I pray that when the time comes I will have the strength to hold out. Thanks for all the support folks. You are so appreciated.

thanks