Lab

Hello,
I am back again.....I realize now that I can't even have 1 drink. It ends up being 12-16. This is very hard for me. I really thought I could have a handle on this. I don't drink everyday....1 or 2 times a week. but when I do, I binge drink. Its ruined my relationship and will eventually ruin my health. i feel like such a failure. thanks for listening to me....just need to get this off my chest.
~Lab

thuggybear

There are all types of alcoholics. Good you realize this. We can't quit unless we fully recognize it as a problem. I am powerless over alcohol as well but when I work the 12 steps, I gain power from my Higher Power to stay sober. It's working so far...

Good luck!!!

Lab

Thank you for your response. This is the hardest thing for me to admit. I'm glad I have a place to come where others understand where I'm coming from.

Legs21

Lab, I am on the same page. Sober me realizes one of the main things that ended my last relationship was alcohol, and how it made me behave. You can change this -- and start a whole new life =)

Lab

Exactly! I see where the problems were but failed to avoid them. The drinking played a big part in my divorce. I wanted to blame him for everything, but now I know the alcohol was the issue.

misterritter

Its hard to be open and giving with your spouse when you are not open and giving with yourself. I used drinking to avoid and forget all kinds of things. Changing that behavior is as hard as not drinking in many ways, for me at least.

I don't think any of us are a failure as long as we continue to try to better our lives. I felt like a failure for a long time about my marriage deteriorating, but I just realized that I don't anymore. The key is to recognize and learn from the past and try to be happier with our actions in the future.

Bubovski

Yes there are many types of this disease!
To become over confident at being able to have
long sober periods is part of the disease and can
lull some of us in to a false security.

To be forewarned helps in our fight.

Dee74

welcome back Lab - I think realising the first drink is the problem and not the 15th is a major step forward

D

Silvy69

I can relate... Every time I went out and said I am only having two drink and leaving ended up with me closing the bar at 3am... I am powerless over alcohol and have completely accepted... You can do this.

humblesunshine

Yeah, one or two binges per week was me 10 or 15 years ago. More recently, it was more like 3-5 days of binges per week. I was at an AA meeting today where people poignantly talked about taking that first drink and how quickly it leads into relapse. Glad you decided to work on your problem well before the point at which I did!

Hamilton87

I completely get this. I am the same. I can go for several days without a drink, but when I drink, it is complete binging to the point of blanks and it takes a week to recover. I realised that I had to cut it out completely. One drink is too much for me. Keep at it!

Silvy69

I can relate so much to everyone on this subject, it would literally take me two full days to recover... What a waste of my weekends . No more.

Lab

You all are amazing! I feel so welcome here and know with everyones support I can finally get on track....thank you all so very much

bexxed

I can't have one drink either. Oh, wait, I mean, I CAN... white knuckles on the empty glass, clenched teeth, muttering to myself "see, I had one drink and then I STOPPED. Alcoholic, my a$$. Hmph." Rinse, repeat. I'll have one drink when I know I have more waiting for later. Or, because I so successfully had one drink, I decide I can just let loose. Then I let it rip. The sober person becomes this distant, foreign thing. It happens so fast. It's all or nothing for me. I hope I don't forget that again, ever.

HeadLump

Hi Lab

I do so understand this! After that first sip of Chardonnay, all my good intentions and all those lessons so painfully learned were immediately reduced to ashes and the only thing I could think about was the next bottle. . . and the next.

I've managed 6 months now and it really does get so much easier. If I can avoid that first sip, everything else just falls into place.

Keep trying, Lab. If you have the will to succeed, you will get there and you will find an inner strength you couldn't even have dreamt of!

soberclover

Great post and great reminder, Lab, that we as alcoholics are unable to have "just one". It took me a looooooooong time to realize this. Once I realized it, accepted it, and learned to incorporate this reality in to my very being, I have been sober for 8 months. I'm so glad you have realized this about yourself! Keep us all in the loop as to how you are working on incorporating this in to your sobriety journey.