Grandma4

Trying to raise two granddaughters, 10&11, who have been removed from our daughters house. She is just home from 2nd time in rehab and again relapsed. She blames me the most and I struggle to comes to term with this while wondering if I'm going to make the same mistakes she says I've made. My husband and I are 70 and have had our world turned up side down, as is our daughters. We are angry, disappointed, scared, resentful, yet our love for she and the girls keep us going. She wants the girls to come home...I can't allow that. I'm trying to cut her off completely and hope she finds her way. Her abuse to us is overwhelming. Is this usual? I this the way it will always be? It's been three years of hell for us, and I know she is struggling too. If anyone has advice, help please let me know. I really enjoyed "English garden" abuse writing.

Lightning Bug

Addicts blame everyone but themselves.
You are raising your grandchildren, she should be thankful instead of abusive I am sorry you are going through this. We have a friends and family board - there is so much insight and support in there for you. Hugs.

ANGELINA243

Welcome to SR! Glad you are here. Sorry that you are going through this with your daughter. As an alcoholic/addict in recovery, I want to say that her addiction isn't your fault. I blamed others too, including my parents, but they were not to blame. I was wrong in how I had treated the ones that loved me the most--the family members and friends that tried to help me.

You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it--your daughter's addiction. She has to be the one to own up to her own past behavior and mistakes. She will have to earn your trust back through her actions. I think it's great that you have custody of the children right now...and that they didn't have to go into family services. Keep those kids safe--whatever the cost. She isn't ready just yet to take on that responsibility. I'm more concerned about the safety and well-being of the children. Your daughter can get better but it will take some time.

We have a Friends and Family forum here. There you will be able to talk to others with similar situations. I would suggest msking a post there also. You are not alone. You can find support for you and your husband. You can learn how to set up healthy boundaries for yourself. We can help.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

soberclover

You are giving your grandchildren such a wonderful gift by helping them at this time in their life. We have a support group in my area for grandparents who are raising their grandchildren...maybe you have such a group. Maybe you have a caseworker or an agency you could ask about available support. It is helpful to talk with others in the same situation! I applaud you for your strength! Don't forget to take care of yourself too!

visch1

Hi. What Angel and soberclover said. I'll also suggest Al Anon for support. I hope you realize that alcoholics are a different kind of person and often fight things that we know are slowly making their lives miserable thinking things will change, that's called our insanity and unfortunately the alcoholic is the one to WANT to fix it for themselves for it to work. For me it started to work when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. BE WELL

Grandma4

Thank you all so far for your kind messages. I have read and retread them. Just took a long walk before girls were up. I feel better for getting some fresh air and being reminded to get busy. I keep saying to my daughter to get up and do something positive for herself, when I should have been saying that to myself. I will try Al Anon. Have to somehow let her find her way. Thanks!

visch1

Good on you! Be prepared that all we hear will not be liked, like your attending for yourself and how not to enable which is hard when it concerns a loved one. Try to remember many there have been through the wringer a lot and know from what they speak. BE WELL

Anna

Good for you. You are doing a great thing by caring for your grandchildren when your daughter is not. Do what you can to care for you and your husband and your marriage, as well. I hope and pray that your daughter will find her way.