TopFlight

Hey all, I'm relatively a new member, but have been reading this forum for the last few months. I will be 5 weeks sober tomorrow and am very proud of that!!

Though, my most recent problem has been to be willing to embark into large social events sober, particularly where people are drinking. I'm 28 years old, single, decent looking and looking to go out and meet women and date just like any guy in his twenties.......but just sober. I find as long as I stick to my routine of work, gym, and martial arts I'm fine. A matter of fact its not too difficult for me not to drink, but then again I have yet to test my boundaries and put myself in scenarios where temptation is around me. A club may not be the most ideal scenario for me, but I somewhat think its important for me to experience it to see if I can handle it sober. I don't think ill drink, probably at worst ill turn into a wall flower and be bored anyways.

I have also turned into a giant flake amongst my friends. I'll express interest in wanting to go somewhere, but once it gets down to do it, I'll back out. I'm really not quite sure how to handle this. I mean yes I'm sober, but every weekend I'm at home alone, bored, with the only thing to look forward to is to goto the gym the next morning and work out.

Anyone else have experience being in finding social situations that work for you, partially clubs or lunges. Just basically something on the weekends, particularly at night??

WritingHelps

Hi TopFlight. I have similar problems. I'm 27 and finding ways to hang out with my friends can be a challenge, especially since I don't want to be too open just yet about my drinking problem. Luckily, I have a fiancee who is also trying to quit drinking so we have eachother to hang with. All the time I was single before him I went out a lot and drank even more than I do (did, day 2) now.

In my experience though, "testing" yourself can be pretty tricky. I remember having quit before and going out to see if I could manage being in drinking heavy situations and maybe I didn't drink that first time, but eventually I always caved. I also remember being really bored at parties and bars most of the time if I wasn't drinking.

I don't have much advice for you because this is where I run into the same problem. But I'm hoping you find a good solution and I hope if you go out with your friends that you are able to stay strong and not cave like I usually would.

hayley86

Hi, congratulations on being five weeks sober, that's great!!. I am 27 years old and relate to what you are saying about wanting to go out and socialize like everyone else our age. I have now accepted that i have to do things differently because i no longer drink. Clubs and anything that involved getting drunk is no longer at the center of my social life.

I would strongly advise against "testing your boundaries and putting yourself in scenarios where you will be tempted" until you feel a lot stronger and have more sober time on your side. I avoided any places, people and events that may trigger me to want to drink for the first few months. When i did venture out back into these places (going out to dinner at a bar etc etc) i was confident enough to know i would not drink. Now i go out with friends, drink non-alcoholic drinks and go home before people go on to a club and that works for me and i am o.k with that. Or i arrange other sober activities which are still fun, coffee, lunch, etc.

I know it can seem tedious being at home on the weekends and only having your routine but i did what was necessary for the time being and put my social life and events on the back burner. I know have added people and events back into my life in a way that means i still have fun but i stay sober. I would take being and alone and sometimes bored for the time being over the alternative of being drunk and miserable any day.

Dee74

I think the good rule of thumb is ...if you have any doubts, it's probably too soon.

I was a musician...when I went back to a bar I went back as a non drinker - I knew nothing or noone could sway me, and I made sure other people knew it too

D

TopFlight

I appreciate the input!!

Sometimes I need to be reminded what's most important right now. I was fine before everyone called me wanting to go out lol.....One thing I reflect on though is I feel better than I have ever felt, mentally and physically. Times can get boring sometimes, but I'm focused on improving a lot of areas of my life. Theres no more of that dark cloud over me or walking around with that inner guilt.

I guess with time, things will fall into place. A matter of fact today I found a spanish meetup group in my area for people wanting to work on their spanish. I've been studying spanish for the last 3 years, maybe this is an social outlet that can help me out at this time.

Thank you guys for the reminder to focus on whats most important