singlemom3

My ex-ah has been bashing me in front of the kids and taking them to places where people are drinking...sometimes overnight. Is it too much to ask that he even try to maintain a somewhat structured enviroment for them, after eveything they have been through recently??? I want to be the mature one in all of this, will that require me to not let the kids see him? I would hate to do that to my kids because they love him so much, but at the same time it would be FOR my kids. I am unsure, any advice????? :sink

Gabe

Hey singlemom,
Do you have legal visitation set up? If not, think about it. If you think your kids are not safe or in good environments when they are with him, you can request supervised visitation. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I hate it when kids have to suffer because of this disease.
Gabe

myles1

Singlemom,

Your ex is not capable of having a structured environment for your kids and of not bashing you in front of them.

Legal visitation would be a good idea. This is about your kids and their safety.

In my divorce agreement I had it put in Myles father wasn't allowed to drink while Myles was there or his father would lose his custody rights.

Ngaire

smf30

You have to think of it as PROTECTING your children. How could you ever live with yourself if something happened to them when they were in his care and he was drunk?

When I went on a consults with divorce attorneys and explained my situation, they both suggested NO OVERNIGHTS and possible supervised visitation with no alcohol/drinking, etc.

Crazy Mary

As much as I wanted to believe that my AH would not put our children in harms way there was 1 time when he took our son out to lunch (just the 2 of them) and came home drunk. Our son was 4 at that time. That was the last time I ever let him take our son by himself ANYWHERE!!! I don't care how much my kids love their dad (and I do too) I was not willing to risk them. Bottom line, when they are using they DON'T THINK about anyone but themselves. Take care of you and the kids. He won't. I am not trying to sound harsh, and I know how torn you probably are, but remember, if he is drinking and around other drinkers, there is no telling what your kids are seeing and going to remember for the rest of their lives.

dax

If there is any chance he is drunk when driving your kids, he should not be allowed to see them unless under supervision. If you have to go to court to get this in writing , please do so. dax

lrochte

My childrens father is also a heavy drinker. He had returned them once drunk. I could not believe that he had drove them home in his condition. If you don't have to allow him to see him due to a court order, look into supervised visitation. That way you know that your children are safe, still get to see their dad and it helps bring peace of mind a little. It will be difficult at first, but it does get better. Good luck with what choice you make and God Bless.

sunflowergal29

I think supervised visitation sounds good. Other than doing that, make sure you set up some boundaries that you can live with (that you will have no problem enforcing if need be). I like what Myles said about the drinking/using abstinence being in the custody agreement.
Just take care of you and the kids, do what is right for you. If you don't feel comfortable with something, set your boundaries to what you do feel comfortable with. How he chooses to react to what you feel comfortable with is his choice.
-SFG29