new here...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 20
new here...
Hi, new here...
so many ups and downs with an alcoholic...when sober he is a great helpful person. we have been together and broken up so many times...when he gives up the drink and goes to church i take him back, once back he is good for a while, when i stand back and think of what happened to cause the binge drinking weekend. I can see it, he slowly pulls away, stops giving money to household, stays up late, goes to bed early, works late, does whatever to not be with me. then when we talk about money, he hates to talk of bills, budgeting, then he goes out for 2 beers, yea right whatever...
well finale time, he had 2 beers, i threw his money at him told him to do it on his own. He walked away, then I asked him what he wanted to be part of us or not, he said he doesnt care, i said well neither do i, he got dressed walked out and binged drank all weekend, parked car in front of house, he would come in the mornning and shower and change and go right back out. my daughter told me that he scares her when he is like this. i know i had to do something.
On monday i called church, they offered to help, when i talked to exabf, he didnt want their help, i told him they are worried about him, i told him we have a toxic relationship and he needs help and they are willing. they rallied with suppport, got him a place to live, slowly helping him with furniture, he moved out with his clothes. He had to start going to christian recovery and stay sober and has sponsers who check on him, sponsers who he gives his paycheck to and sort his money out and he pays his bills.
i helped him move some stuff, his tools, so i know where he lives, he called me after a couple of days and a meeting. small talk.
he told me he would help me with mowing the lawn since he took the mower and i would have to pay someone, he would do it since i helped him.
he calles every couple days. he still has some things here and there, only takes one thing at a time. I know he is prolonging moving it all out so there is still a connection
we are both involved in church so congregation knows him and me.
he says a couple of his bible study partners are trying to introduce him to some single women in the church. He told me this and then said he is not ready.
There have been so many lies in the past, i had found porn on the computer, so many falls off the wagon. Do i believe it this time? I know he doesnt want to cut off all ties, not sure why. If i was such a pain and caused him to drink then now that you have moved out, why not just move on?
does he want to date others? the last couple times we broke up and he moved out due to the drinking, he dated, but so did i and he would come around. so we have been on and off for a while.
will he come back this time, do i believe the christian recovery or will it be like the rest of the times? I love the sober man but hate the drinking man. how do i trust? is it time for me to just forget and move on and not look back this time?
so many ups and downs with an alcoholic...when sober he is a great helpful person. we have been together and broken up so many times...when he gives up the drink and goes to church i take him back, once back he is good for a while, when i stand back and think of what happened to cause the binge drinking weekend. I can see it, he slowly pulls away, stops giving money to household, stays up late, goes to bed early, works late, does whatever to not be with me. then when we talk about money, he hates to talk of bills, budgeting, then he goes out for 2 beers, yea right whatever...
well finale time, he had 2 beers, i threw his money at him told him to do it on his own. He walked away, then I asked him what he wanted to be part of us or not, he said he doesnt care, i said well neither do i, he got dressed walked out and binged drank all weekend, parked car in front of house, he would come in the mornning and shower and change and go right back out. my daughter told me that he scares her when he is like this. i know i had to do something.
On monday i called church, they offered to help, when i talked to exabf, he didnt want their help, i told him they are worried about him, i told him we have a toxic relationship and he needs help and they are willing. they rallied with suppport, got him a place to live, slowly helping him with furniture, he moved out with his clothes. He had to start going to christian recovery and stay sober and has sponsers who check on him, sponsers who he gives his paycheck to and sort his money out and he pays his bills.
i helped him move some stuff, his tools, so i know where he lives, he called me after a couple of days and a meeting. small talk.
he told me he would help me with mowing the lawn since he took the mower and i would have to pay someone, he would do it since i helped him.
he calles every couple days. he still has some things here and there, only takes one thing at a time. I know he is prolonging moving it all out so there is still a connection
we are both involved in church so congregation knows him and me.
he says a couple of his bible study partners are trying to introduce him to some single women in the church. He told me this and then said he is not ready.
There have been so many lies in the past, i had found porn on the computer, so many falls off the wagon. Do i believe it this time? I know he doesnt want to cut off all ties, not sure why. If i was such a pain and caused him to drink then now that you have moved out, why not just move on?
does he want to date others? the last couple times we broke up and he moved out due to the drinking, he dated, but so did i and he would come around. so we have been on and off for a while.
will he come back this time, do i believe the christian recovery or will it be like the rest of the times? I love the sober man but hate the drinking man. how do i trust? is it time for me to just forget and move on and not look back this time?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hello and welcome. I am glad you found this forum, but very sorry for the reason you came looking.
I know you have a lot of questions about what he is doing, about his recovery, and about his future, but I would love to hear more about you. Alcoholics are not the only ones who need recovery. We can get so wrapped up in the ins and outs of their disease that we lose ourselves in the chaos.
You have an opportunity right now to focus on you and what you want out of life separate from whatever is going on with him. I hope you continue to read and explore the Friends & Family forum, especially the sticky posts at the top of the main page, so that you might take a step back from the drama of this relationship and learn to take care of yourself in the way that you deserve. Your children deserve it too. I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it had long lasting effects on the choices I made in relationships my entire life.
Again, welcome. Sending you strength, courage and peace.
I know you have a lot of questions about what he is doing, about his recovery, and about his future, but I would love to hear more about you. Alcoholics are not the only ones who need recovery. We can get so wrapped up in the ins and outs of their disease that we lose ourselves in the chaos.
You have an opportunity right now to focus on you and what you want out of life separate from whatever is going on with him. I hope you continue to read and explore the Friends & Family forum, especially the sticky posts at the top of the main page, so that you might take a step back from the drama of this relationship and learn to take care of yourself in the way that you deserve. Your children deserve it too. I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it had long lasting effects on the choices I made in relationships my entire life.
Again, welcome. Sending you strength, courage and peace.
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