shay17

Warm greetings,

This is my first post ever on the SoberRecovery blog. I'm thankful for forums like this as I have been a voyeur of sorts, reading many posts while looking for strength and guidance throughout my journey and quest for sobriety.

I'm just shy of one month sober and 2 months ago, my friend of 28 years and I had a falling out. She's also an alcoholic and an occasional drug abuser. It's a long, complicated story with a lot of history but the gist is that she has been harassing me via text messages and though I blocked her through my carrier, she's able to send iMessages which cannot be blocked (she figured it out). She has told me and I quote "you should just do the world a favor and kill yourself". That was not even the worst of it. Over 200 texts in one week containing awful & vile hatred.

My anxiety is off the charts. This is something which triggers me to want to drink because I am literally shaking as I type this, it has been so disturbing to me. I don't respond at all. I know I cannot self destruct. I feel as if I'm being tested by the universe. Good thing is, I don't WANT to drink. I'm not white knuckling it, but I know how fast that can all change and right now at this very moment, I am feeling the old coping mechanisms gearing up - it takes time to build new grooves and less than a month sober is not far enough off the battlefield to feel safe...

I'd love to hear stories of others who struggle(d) with difficulties in early sobriety and how you push through them without letting your past set you back into a relapse...

Thank you kindly for taking the time to read this.

-Sx

Dee74

Hi Shay - welcome

I'm not up with the latest phone technology but if someone was sending me stuff like that I'd certainly be contacting my cell provider, and Apple.

Messages: Reporting unwanted messages sent from iMessage

I'd also have a talk with my local law enforcement agency. 200 messages is not a casual thing. It's a hate campaign.

I'd also change my number, email address or user name, which ever is applicable with Imessages.

In the end tho, this person can only upset you as long as you let her.

At the very very least if you decide to do nothing else, consider deleting future messages from her instantly.

D

shay17

Thank you D -
I've only kept the texts in case I need to show law enforcement and I don't read all of them, it's too hurtful. I'm currently participating in activities which nourish myself mind, body, soul and these hateful words are depleting to say the least.
I appreciate your response!
Sx

Dorris

Shay I'm sorry your friend is being so awful, but dee has some great advice. There are things you can do to stop receiving these text. You deserve so much more and if you are working so hard to nourish yourself I think you should find the courage to do something and change your number!!! New life.......new start and all that.

Your anxiety will be feeding off these text message, gives you some to be angry with and it could so easily lead you back to drinking.

I'm still in early recovery and also having to deal with a dark past, I struggle sometimes but push through it, for hope in the end my life will turn out so much better than the one I had before.

Well done reaching one month that is good going.

EndGameNYC

It could be worse. You could be her.

MythOfSisyphus

Do take measures to protect yourself, legally and emotionally. And please don't let someone else's ignorance ruin your sobriety. Your "friend" is lashing out because of her flaws and problems, not yours.

quitforme79

I know exactly what you mean about old coping mechanisms popping up. I try to recognize the thoughts of practicing my old behaviors as just that- thoughts. Because I am sober I don't have to act on them. When I was drinking I couldn't think clearly through anything. I also reach out to other sober alcoholics for advice and sometimes to simply vent. This helps me get rid of some of the load I am carrying. Seems like you're doing everything you can to prevent yourself from taking that downward spiral. Way to go in being proactive!

Anna

You can get through this and be stronger for it.

In early recovery, my daughter (19 at the time) had a stranger stalking her for about 6 months. It was terrifying and the police were absolutely useless. I felt like I was living in a terrible movie. We moved her within the same city and it didn't help. At the 6 month point, she finished her university year and we moved her, in the middle of the night, to a different city.

I remember thinking many times, if I can get through this and stay sober, I will be able to get through anything.

serenityforever

you need to go to the police. had to do it before because an old bf kept calling my families home and harrassing me. i had to get a restraining order.....scary stuff. i hoe you are ok!

Lightning Bug

The kind of hatred stewing inside her is destroying her humanity.
Please go to the police - protect yourself. She could get physical with you.

Welcome to SR!

shay17

Thank you to each of you who commented! It's wonderful
to get advice and especially words of encouragement during this
ordeal.
It's amazing but I feel 10x better today after a little time meditating and
Reading posts on SR. I got through it without drinking and she has not
Contacted me today at all, so I felt a reprieve.
I did some volunteering at a detox center today. It's my fourth week doing
So and it always makes me feel good to help those in need.
It's a preventative measure as most of the help there are doing community
Service for DUI's.
It's just plain lucky that I've never been in trouble like that, but I should have been a few times.
Being in such an environment makes me soo grateful to be sober and getting
Healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Grateful for this site and for all of you!
Thank you kindly and g'night
Sx

UnixBer

Ow. That sounds like an annoying yet persistent parasite. As said before, those kinds of people must have a real problem of their own. Best ignored and left without attention. Seems like a highly selfish person too that is out of balance mentally. Those types just might be dangerous.

Not to scare anyone or anything, but I've known some people get a bit physical, like with a chainsaw to open a door into a house. (not my home). I think if the person is dangerous, you have the right to defend yourself physically, that should be for granted.

Sorry to hear you are going through something like this. I hope this gets resolved fast and without leaving any mental trauma.

Congratulations on almost a month.

Nighthawk8820

Oh I remember this all very well. The part people struggle with in early recovery is that things dont magically change overnight once you stop drinking. You have laid a solid foundation of crap for quite a while and the clean up will take some time and effort. I am at 2 years sober and still cleaning up messes from when I drank. This includes dealing with my anxiety in healthy ways, cleaning up financial matters I ignored when tanked, and trying to improve relationships with people in the past I hurt or screwed over due to my selfishness. As you tackle and conquer each issue, your confidence will grow, which is the upside. One by one, you can deal with these things, and as you do, you get closer and closer to real freedom. Its a work in progress, but I try and stay proactive and face each thing as it comes, even going after problems now before they arise.

I am currently dealing with a bankruptcy from all the past money I charged and a car repo. Its not pleasant, but a necessity to correct my past wrongs.

As far as your "Friend" goes, you need to call the cops because there is no reason for you to have to deal with that crap, from anyone. She is unhinged and just mean spirited. You will find in sobriety, your so called "friends" aren't all they seemed cracked up to be. I would tell her you are filing a harassment charge if she doesn't stop NOW, and if she doesn't, take those texts to the cops and they will deal with it. They are actually pretty harsh on people who harass others nowadays, especially over social media or cellphones. You dont have to deal with it, and she deserves to get in trouble. Normal, sane people do not go around saying those types of things to each-other.......drunk or not.

Nighthawk8820

This is excellent advice. I actually had to change my number early in my recovery because old connections were getting me down. I was constantly being reminded of my past, and I found it to be debilitating to what I was trying to accomplish. I changed it, never looked back and now I have no anxiety checking my phone.

I had one friend who was jealous of my new goals and changes I was making. She got super mean and said some hurtful things. I cant change her or her thoughts, but I can remove her from my life........so I did. Her and many others.