Abusive adult children who have returned home
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Abusive adult children who have returned home
Thank you to Mumsnet Discussions' blog entry- well said! This also applies to relationships where parents have allowed their adult child back into the home. I have taken the liberty of using your powerful statement and adjusting the characters to apply to the parent and abusive adult child. Discussions - Relationships
"I shall say this only once.
Actually, no I won't, I will keep repeating it until the message gets through.
Every person deserves to have a relationship where they are treated with respect, love and equality.
There is never an excuse for verbal, physical or financial abuse.
If your adult child treats you like ****, it is their fault. It is not because of something you have done.
You can't change an abusive person by being 'better' or sticking by tem where others haven't, or by changing yourself.
Most people have happy relationships, where disagreements happen and are resolved without resorting to shouting, name calling or violence.
Most people's adult children are happy for them to pursue their own friendships and interests, work and education, have access to money, make decisions.
Don't be fooled into thinking that dysfunctional relationships are the norm. There are many of them on here, but then people don't tend to ask for advice on healthy relationships, so we hear less about them.
Relationships are not supposed to be hard work, that is a big fat myth. Yes, you should work at relationships but that is not the same thing at all.
Nobody should live their life in fear of angering their adult child, or skirting round issues that might upset him. Or put up with drama and lying for fear of rocking the boat.
The only acceptable level of abuse is none.
Be on your own. It is much easier than sticking by a tosser. If you have been in more than one abusive relationship, seek some counselling, you may be co-dependant, or you may be modelling relationships on a warped template, perhaps from childhood.
If they abuse you, they are not a good family member. Good family members don't treat their mother with disrespect.
It doesn't matter how much they says sorry and make it up to you, if they continue to abuse you those apologies are worthless.
Don't be fooled into thinking the abuse isn't 'bad enough to make them leave". If you are treated in any way less than cherished, loved and respected, it is bad enough to make them leave.
There is never a reason to harbor with an abusive adult child. They won't kill themselves if you make them leave, and yes, everybody will believe you.
I probably have loads more to say on the subject but I will leave it there for now.
Much love to everybody."
"I shall say this only once.
Actually, no I won't, I will keep repeating it until the message gets through.
Every person deserves to have a relationship where they are treated with respect, love and equality.
There is never an excuse for verbal, physical or financial abuse.
If your adult child treats you like ****, it is their fault. It is not because of something you have done.
You can't change an abusive person by being 'better' or sticking by tem where others haven't, or by changing yourself.
Most people have happy relationships, where disagreements happen and are resolved without resorting to shouting, name calling or violence.
Most people's adult children are happy for them to pursue their own friendships and interests, work and education, have access to money, make decisions.
Don't be fooled into thinking that dysfunctional relationships are the norm. There are many of them on here, but then people don't tend to ask for advice on healthy relationships, so we hear less about them.
Relationships are not supposed to be hard work, that is a big fat myth. Yes, you should work at relationships but that is not the same thing at all.
Nobody should live their life in fear of angering their adult child, or skirting round issues that might upset him. Or put up with drama and lying for fear of rocking the boat.
The only acceptable level of abuse is none.
Be on your own. It is much easier than sticking by a tosser. If you have been in more than one abusive relationship, seek some counselling, you may be co-dependant, or you may be modelling relationships on a warped template, perhaps from childhood.
If they abuse you, they are not a good family member. Good family members don't treat their mother with disrespect.
It doesn't matter how much they says sorry and make it up to you, if they continue to abuse you those apologies are worthless.
Don't be fooled into thinking the abuse isn't 'bad enough to make them leave". If you are treated in any way less than cherished, loved and respected, it is bad enough to make them leave.
There is never a reason to harbor with an abusive adult child. They won't kill themselves if you make them leave, and yes, everybody will believe you.
I probably have loads more to say on the subject but I will leave it there for now.
Much love to everybody."
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