Saraha

HeLlo everyone. I'm posting to find out what to do. Considering joint custody with ah. Married twenty plus yrs with a tween at home. He is an excellent dad but that's it. Am I wrong. Do not want to deprive child of dads company. Also child will have say. Do not want to reval hubbys problem in court. All this planning in my head,haven't done a thing to move yet lol. Just tol d my mum want a new place. I am currently unemployed. He isnt

silentrun

Hi Saraha.
I think you may find support on this part of the site Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Saraha

Background. I'm a professional ue at present due to hubby had no money to pay my annual registration fees. He was gainfully employed,we were earning a lot between us. Then I left work for some time due to move,now am not registered as the laws require annual registration to work. So lost our medical aid.one car,and also he is now earning much less due to move. Also have tween at home. Seriously considering leaving. Child unaware of ah problem and he helps a lot with her eg homework etc. Now if I file sole custody child will be deprived of dad. Is very close to dad. Now want joint but also don't know if that will come back to bite me since court will say u wanted joint with an ah. He has never put her life at risk. Does drive when high at times but does that irrespective of who's in car. Has never had a mva. No other risks. He is gainfully employed. Also love him a lot feel scared and terried at times. Have lost a lot financialy. Feel I'm losing my mind sometime. Want to leave. The though of living alone not gOod. Then sometimes just paralysed by inertia and don't want to do anything.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Sahara

It's probably a good idea to get some professional legal advice. Is there some legal aid available to you?

D

Saraha

Hello everyone. Joined recently,did post on family of substance abusers. Thank you to the moderator who asked about legal options. Yes I could speak to the lawyer but do not want hubbYs activites to be known to my family. They did know previously about his coke use,but had been covering for him for smetime. Since I cannot afford a lawyer or attorney they will pay and they may inadvertantly find out that way. I am married plus twentyy yrs,a professional uGe at presnt one child. Considering leaving hubby. While I post he is in the next room doing his stuff. Well diff day,same story. Lol. Thank You I have been reading this site for a short while,then decided to join.

Dee74

Thanks Saraha - I merged your to threads in this forum, to save confusion, as the second post really needs the first posts to make sense

I recommended a lawyer because none of us here would be especially up on the law in South Africa - I understand you're trying to safeguard your husband's reputation (presumably for the sake of your child) but your needs are important too and one of those needs is good counsel.

Regardless of that I'm pleased you're thinking about getting out of a situation that you feel is not right for you or your child

D

Saraha

Dee thank you,I do realise it may come to that but I don't know if I'm willing to talk to the lawyers,never had to deal with lawyers asuch except from a professional capacity trying to help ie jobwise,but never had much of being a client.What if they don't maintain client confidentiality,what if my business becomes everyones?Just becos I want to leave(still confused a bit about if I can do it)does it mean I have to spoil his name. Secondly I know he's a good dad and will look after the child but then what if something happens or his ways eventually affect the child,I doubt he has a bad affect or influence on but at the same time I don't know how itl be for a full week at a time. So I don't want to talk to the lawyers,then if I don't and his family try something funny the court will say I appl for joint I'm just it goes round and round in ur head same argument ,diff day,end resukt it mentaly paralyses u

Saraha

Its like ur a crazy person. One day u want out or a lot of days. Then u want to stay. Then u feel u won't cope. U wonder maybe u can. U want to be fair and give joint custody. Then u wonder if u can even trust ur lawyers. Its like a dog chasing their own tail becos eventually u become paralysed bu the immensity of how to do what after twenty plus yrs of living this way. So hard. Just thinking makes u tired