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My Incoherent Life

Old 07-30-2013, 10:33 AM
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Unhappy My Incoherent Life

Life is awful. My life was great, thought I'd found my soulmate. We were together for 4 years and I planned on marrying her soon, had our own place. A pet. Then I caught her in the act naked with a friend of mine. Basically my world fell apart there. Terrible two weeks of binge drinking and trying to figure out if I could ever love her or trust her again. I decided I couldn't, so I broke up with her. I have an amazing girlfriend now, but it's different. We don't share the same connection and I don't think anyone I find will ever be as good for me as my ex. I know her inside and out and love her. The only problem is I ignored her, and still do, and now she's with that other guy and I'm with this other girl.

So, now, in my life. I just woke up in my apartment that I share with my girlfriend. We just got a puppy. I wake up, just had a recurring dream where I experience my ex cheating on me and I walk in on it in various ways each time and it's with different fictional dream characters.

I wake up to that almost each morning. The dog's always **** all over the place. If he's pinned up he whines all night and I can't sleep. I'm very far down the rabbit hole alcohol wise. I literally couldn't go to my job today if I don't drink alcohol. I'd get shaky, dizzy, and probably vomit.

I work at 5 p.m. every day, so every day I wake up, get stoned because my dreams put me in a terrible state of mind like I've just been cheated on. Weed gives me headaches, but it cures the nausea. Alcohol cures the headaches, and I drink it because I'm completely socially ********.

I can't quit drinking because I won't be able to function at my job. And if I took a week long vacation to detox my body, it would be the worst week of my life. I'd go back to work and everyone would ask me how much fun my vacation was. And then I'd have to start working every single day again and still be socially ********. I don't have the time to quit drinking.

I always feel terrible. Physically and mentally. I'm super depressed. But I have to act like man, even though I'm not one, and go to work here soon, so I can afford to keep living my ****** life. What do I do?
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Old 07-30-2013, 10:40 AM
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It's a frustrating feeling. "I want to quit. I need to quit. But I don't know how the F to do it." Life can't stop so we can go to a relaxing detox spa by the beach.
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Old 07-30-2013, 10:45 AM
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Calcified, if you say you can't quit drinking or don't have the time to quit drinking, it means you are not ready to quit. Seems like you are looking for excuses to continue drinking (i.e. won't be able to function at job, don't have time). First step is to admit you have a problem. You have to WANT to quit. You have to WANT sobriety more than being high or drunk.
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Old 07-30-2013, 11:21 AM
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Good advice. I'll ad that self honesty is way up there in the needs category. Success is most often obtained by work even if you don't want to. This is not a quick fix and it can continue on to be a place where we are comfortable in our own skin. The outcome is our doing. BE WELL
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Old 07-30-2013, 11:44 AM
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I want to quit drinking. I'm afraid I'll lose my job if I do. I'm pretty far down the rabbit hole. I can't just stop drinking and keep doing what I have to do on a daily basis.
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Old 07-30-2013, 12:09 PM
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This might sound harsh, but until you change your thinking, you will never quit drinking. If you are convinced that you can't just stop drinking, then you won't. My only suggestion would be to take vacation and quit drinking during vacation and not worry about what your coworkers will ask you what you did on vacation when you come back.
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Old 07-30-2013, 12:21 PM
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I agree that if you want to stop drinking, you can and will find a way to do it. I understand about your job, but if you started to detox you might find that you don't feel as bad as you expect. I do hope you talk to your dr before you stop drinking because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
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Old 07-30-2013, 12:23 PM
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Taking a vacation to quit drinking is a great idea. It won't be fun, but will improve your life for the future. Sobriety is better. Hugs to you.
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Old 07-30-2013, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Calcified View Post
I want to quit drinking. I'm afraid I'll lose my job if I do. I'm pretty far down the rabbit hole. I can't just stop drinking and keep doing what I have to do on a daily basis.
You can quit drinking and risk losing your job, but maintaining your health, and focus.

Or you can keep drinking and lose all three.
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Old 07-30-2013, 03:44 PM
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Hi Calcified

Drinking and smoking to try and deal with trauma never works - it's like an endless loop - you never really deal with the root cause of your trauma, so you have to keep applying anesthetic to numb out the symptoms.

If you want to move forward maybe some counselling is necessary for you to get over your ex and what happened?

I agree with the others as well - drinking to ward off withdrawal never works - look up kindling. You're just building up the campfire with more and more wood for a bigger more vicious blaze down the track.

See your Dr - get a professional opinion regarding your withdrawal - you may be prescribed some help with withdrawal if it's deemed necessary.

D
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