Jopekgirl

My son has had issues with addiction for over 3 years. He started with weed,then pills. I honestly didn't sense a problem. Then he started stealing pills from my husband who is disabled and has to take meds. He went to rehab last November and then intensive out patient. Relapsed several times. The stealing started again. He was selling our things. He sold his bmx race bike over a week ago,and we approached him. It was awful. Had police come,he destroyed our house. Asked him to leave,and went and filed an involuntary commitment order. I wanted him to get help. They picked him up and he manipulated his way through it. He got out and went to a friends. The calls started that he had no where to go,and he wouldn't do it anymore. As hard as it was we had to put our foot down and tell him he couldn't come home. He ended up going back to rehab. I don't think he believed it when we said he couldn't come home. We said he had to go to a sober living home after. He called last week and flipped out on me and said horrific things. I stayed calm on the phone,but when he hung up on me I cried for a longtime on the side of the road. He's my first born,he's 19. I feel I'm making the best choice. I can't save him anymore. My love isn't enough. Has anyone had success with this tough love,and not letting their child come home? Did halfway house help? This is ripping my heart out.

EndGameNYC

I haven't had this kind of experience, and I've little else to recommend besides Al-Anon and Nar-Anon.

But I do have a brief story...

A couple I knew of had built and enjoyed a very good life. They were looking forward to retiring so that they could do the things they dreamed of doing in all their years of working. They were both professionals.

At around the same time they retired, their twenty-year-old son started getting in trouble because of his multi-drug use. In and out of jail, DWIs and all the rest of it. They'd sold their spacious house and had moved into a small apartment. They paid for the best and generally the most expensive detoxes and rehabs on multiple occasions, and tolerated their son's theft of many of their most valuable possessions (sentimentally and otherwise).

As they tell it, they didn't know until after the fact that their son was using these expensive treatment facilities in the service of hiding from the law, people he'd robbed, and (mostly) drug dealers to whom he was indebted, with no interest in quitting.

By the time they were able to put all this together, they'd run through almost all of their retirement savings, and needed to go back to work. This happened about ten years ago. I'm sure their experience is not all that uncommon.

This is always a very personal and subjective decision. I imagine it's difficult for most parents to stop enabling their children, and not just in terms of addictions. The heartbreak of alcoholism and other addictions has a tremendous ripple effect.

Dee74

hi Jopekgirl

I'm a lot older than your son and I was a lot older when I got clean - but I do believe if people hadn't left me to pull myself up and sort out my own stuff I might not be here today.

I think they saved their own sanity too....

I hope you'll look at this forum, and our Family and Friends forums too - you'll find a lot of support in both places

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

D

coraltint

He's 19, he's a grown man. You've done all you can for him, and he has proven that given the chance, his addiction will make him rob you. Feeling the consequences of his behavior is probably the only thing that will give him a chance against the beast.

This has got to be incredibly hard. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic (10 yrs clean last March) with 3 sons of my own, the oldest just hitting his teens. So I think a lot about both sides of the addiction table. Thank you for your post & God Bless.

Jopekgirl

Thank you for your responses. This is definitely very tough on me and my family. Addiction runs on both sides of the family,with males. I have a 17 year old daughter and 15 year old son also. I feel they're relieved and have just thrown their hands up. Which i don't blame them. Thia is not how i wanted mu first born to leave home. But i know I've tried maybe too hard. Now i feel my 19 year old ia 19 but trapped in a 12 year olds body. I can only hope this helps him get ahols of things. I don't think it's too late late. If we would've continued to allow him to manipulate us,especially me I'm sure it would've gotten far worse. At this point he doesn't have any criminal charges. I just know i have nobody to reach out to. That's why i came here. I'm also going to attend meetings. I'm sure there's many families who've been in my shoes.

least

I am sorry for what he's putting you thru. You must look out for yourself as he's an adult and should be making his own decisions, no matter how they turn out.

Anna

I'm sorry for what your son is going through.

I do hope he will find the support and help he needs for recovery.

Jomey

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your son. I am glad that you came here and shared your story. You are not alone. I will pray for your family. Peace to you.

bigsombrero

Thanks for sharing. In my opinion you are doing the best thing for him. Check out the F&F (friends and family) section for additional support. Many here in this forum can empathize and understand your personal hardships as a parent. All the best to you and your son.