Back to the start line :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
Back to the start line :(
I got to day 7 on Saturday. This time around was very different to my last significant attempt (I got to 8 days a few weeks ago). I spent the whole of last week having cravings and feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, as opposed to the healthy, vibrant and happy feelings from last time.
I got up on Saturday feeling still tired. Had a good breakfast with the children, did some chores then went along to the park. The tiredness kicked in again heavy so I decided to go along to my ex's to get some help with the kids. He will only help me out with them on his terms - at his house, if we are all there together. I suppose it's his way of hanging on to any kind of relationship we have. He suggested we all stay for dinner and I agreed. It's just so easy there. He cooks, entertains the kids - they love it there as his place is fully equipped with all the tech stuff they love. I was finally able to relax. I hadn't been over there as I was avoiding the situation, it's my perfect set up for drinking. There is always booze in the house and he doesn't mind me drinking it.
The thought of drinking preyed on my mind. The AV was in all of it's glory, reeling off all the reasons I should indulge. I managed to hold off for some time but eventually caved. That one drink turned into "just a few" then to way too many. After the kids went to bed I stayed up drinking. I spent a lot of the evening googling things like "is it ok to drink once a week" and similar stuff. Trying to justify my actions I guess. I woke up really early on Sunday feeling rough and still a little drunk. I drank lots of water and ate a ton of fruit. I played around the house with the kids and later we all watched a movie. Then in crept the hangover. Then I took another drink. Then wine with dinner. Then more wine. Same old story...
We are back home now and I'm back here on day 1. I'm ready to start again. I'm well aware that I have to stay away from these situations. I hope I am granted the strength to get through this week without the extreme fatigue I experienced last week. I was apprehensive to post but after reading some other members posts today I was reminded of the fact that I am not going through this alone. Thank you to all here, your support is amazing. All in all I have had over 20 days sober in the last month (not in a row) and I couldn't have done that without all of you. Onwards and upwards
I got up on Saturday feeling still tired. Had a good breakfast with the children, did some chores then went along to the park. The tiredness kicked in again heavy so I decided to go along to my ex's to get some help with the kids. He will only help me out with them on his terms - at his house, if we are all there together. I suppose it's his way of hanging on to any kind of relationship we have. He suggested we all stay for dinner and I agreed. It's just so easy there. He cooks, entertains the kids - they love it there as his place is fully equipped with all the tech stuff they love. I was finally able to relax. I hadn't been over there as I was avoiding the situation, it's my perfect set up for drinking. There is always booze in the house and he doesn't mind me drinking it.
The thought of drinking preyed on my mind. The AV was in all of it's glory, reeling off all the reasons I should indulge. I managed to hold off for some time but eventually caved. That one drink turned into "just a few" then to way too many. After the kids went to bed I stayed up drinking. I spent a lot of the evening googling things like "is it ok to drink once a week" and similar stuff. Trying to justify my actions I guess. I woke up really early on Sunday feeling rough and still a little drunk. I drank lots of water and ate a ton of fruit. I played around the house with the kids and later we all watched a movie. Then in crept the hangover. Then I took another drink. Then wine with dinner. Then more wine. Same old story...
We are back home now and I'm back here on day 1. I'm ready to start again. I'm well aware that I have to stay away from these situations. I hope I am granted the strength to get through this week without the extreme fatigue I experienced last week. I was apprehensive to post but after reading some other members posts today I was reminded of the fact that I am not going through this alone. Thank you to all here, your support is amazing. All in all I have had over 20 days sober in the last month (not in a row) and I couldn't have done that without all of you. Onwards and upwards
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Bay Area CA
Posts: 142
You're definitely not alone butterfly!!!
I blew it on my 10th night. I felt pretty bad about it but just realized that this may be a long battle and I just got started again on day 1.
Today - it's day 2 :-)
Wish you all the luck - I think as long as we keep at it and stay committed it's going to stick.
I blew it on my 10th night. I felt pretty bad about it but just realized that this may be a long battle and I just got started again on day 1.
Today - it's day 2 :-)
Wish you all the luck - I think as long as we keep at it and stay committed it's going to stick.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 31
Butterfly I feel like I'm going through a similar thing to you. I've had more alcohol free days in the past month than I've had in years and all thanks to this site. Having said that I've just drank a bottle of wine, purely because it's Saturday and "everybody" drinks on a Saturday. Fed up of finding excuses for myself! You're in the right place hun, We an do this!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I can't even count the number of times I thought "one or two" would't hurt. Or that I "deserved" a few because of how good I'd done. Or that I promised to never drink again because i thought I would die from my hangover...but figured out a way to have one to take the edge off. Or I drank a few earlier on the weekend because it was "five o'clock somewhere". Or the time I tried to taper down. Or the time I just needed a few because the kids were driving me nuts. Or the time....
Bottom line, there's always an excuse. Learn from your mistakes, but also try to figure out how to not make the same mistake again. Because it's guaranteed that the temptation will be there again - how you respond and the choices you make are what will determine the outcome.
Bottom line, there's always an excuse. Learn from your mistakes, but also try to figure out how to not make the same mistake again. Because it's guaranteed that the temptation will be there again - how you respond and the choices you make are what will determine the outcome.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Seriously, Butterfly. Don't beat yourself up! The last time I quit drinking was 15 years ago and I quit for 2 years and then started again and had been drinking daily for the last 13 years until I finally quit 4 days ago. I mostly have remained recluse in the home. I refuse to put myself in any situation/environment where there is access to alcohol. It's just too soon! Even though I am doing good and not craving alcohol, I still don't trust myself to "get out there" and be around folks who are drinking.
YOU CAN DO IT!
YOU CAN DO IT!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Never mind Butterfly; it's a very tricky road.
I utilised many 'rationalizations' to justify my drinking.
When my liver was in bad shape and I was totally abstaining
I later opted for a wine or two as I had googled that it was
good for the heart. Sily me! Keep on track;remain vigilant.
I utilised many 'rationalizations' to justify my drinking.
When my liver was in bad shape and I was totally abstaining
I later opted for a wine or two as I had googled that it was
good for the heart. Sily me! Keep on track;remain vigilant.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsburg, Pa.
Posts: 389
Butterfly...
Thank you for your post ! I can relate to your situation. I am smart, reliable, tenacious, and very independent. If I am in a life situation where alcohol is available, and I am stressed, be it financial, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband, or a spiritual issue, despite the the possible re-comprehensible outcome, and that "other" is drinking an aloholic drink, I will drink !
If I take myself out of that situation...which could be as simple as saying "I gotta leave".....THEN,*I take responsibility for myself....which, I believe, comes first, children aside, you come first ! That seems to work.
This is what I have to offer for now. I wish you well in your situation.
Love & Light,
Cindy
Thank you for your post ! I can relate to your situation. I am smart, reliable, tenacious, and very independent. If I am in a life situation where alcohol is available, and I am stressed, be it financial, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband, or a spiritual issue, despite the the possible re-comprehensible outcome, and that "other" is drinking an aloholic drink, I will drink !
If I take myself out of that situation...which could be as simple as saying "I gotta leave".....THEN,*I take responsibility for myself....which, I believe, comes first, children aside, you come first ! That seems to work.
This is what I have to offer for now. I wish you well in your situation.
Love & Light,
Cindy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Butterfly, of course, you are not alone.
I'm really glad you're back and on board because this disease is relentless.
I also wonder what you will do differently this time to avoid the same situation? Use this as a learning experience and you'll get through it. By the way, I felt tired and listless during my first weeks of recovery. I never experienced the pink cloud that some people talk about. And, I'm glad I didn't. I had no bubble to burst, no expectations to let me down. I just kind of put one foot in front of the other and moved forward.
I'm really glad you're back and on board because this disease is relentless.
I also wonder what you will do differently this time to avoid the same situation? Use this as a learning experience and you'll get through it. By the way, I felt tired and listless during my first weeks of recovery. I never experienced the pink cloud that some people talk about. And, I'm glad I didn't. I had no bubble to burst, no expectations to let me down. I just kind of put one foot in front of the other and moved forward.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
So what is your plan and what are you going to do differently this time? Willpower alone is not enough to get and keep most alcoholics sober. White knuckling it is a bad plan. I know you post here but perhaps you'll post here before a relapse happens. I know i used to post here after i messed up and one day someone here asks me "so your posting here when you relapse, where are you during the in between time?"
My best advice is to not do the same thing over and over and expect different results. Come here before the slip happens. We're here for you
My best advice is to not do the same thing over and over and expect different results. Come here before the slip happens. We're here for you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 87
Sorry Butterfly...that really sucks! I hope you have a better week. I heard that the detox is worse every time you relapse....Maybe if it is you can use it for motivation to not have to go through it again. Feeling blah myself.
Here is to your last day one ever! You will get better stronger and happier. You will find the strength.
Here is to your last day one ever! You will get better stronger and happier. You will find the strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
Thank you so much for all of this incredible support and advice. I agree, I have to do things differently this time and for me that means I will have to be ultra consistent about keeping myself away from alcohol. It's rather strange - my main worry when I started out was that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from purchasing wine every evening to drink at home. I haven't done that at all. I now recognize my danger spots very clearly. I cannot give myself any room for error now so I will avoid situations where drinking is easy for me, no matter how tired I get, I've learned it's not worth it.
So right away, my next dilemma springs to mind. In 10 days or so, my ex and I are taking the children for a 4 night break to a coastal holiday park. We have had this planned for ages and the kids are so looking forward to it. Not going is not an option. By then I should have 11 or 12 days of sobriety under my belt. From now until then I will be working on a plan to keep me sober. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
Thanks again SR friends - you guys got me to day 2 again already!
So right away, my next dilemma springs to mind. In 10 days or so, my ex and I are taking the children for a 4 night break to a coastal holiday park. We have had this planned for ages and the kids are so looking forward to it. Not going is not an option. By then I should have 11 or 12 days of sobriety under my belt. From now until then I will be working on a plan to keep me sober. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
Thanks again SR friends - you guys got me to day 2 again already!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
