Difficult
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 72
Difficult
Hey guys,
Yesterday STBXAH texted to tell me his dad had a stroke. He's in hospital, they aren't sure of the extent of damage yet.
I replied at the time to say I was sorry to hear it, that it must be very scary for him and his mum.
Just woken up to texts from him again begging for help, saying he's lost.. 3:30am misery texts.
I don't know how to respond. No responding is probably best, but he is a human in pain and fear. He is an alcoholic.
What to do/say for the best?
Yesterday STBXAH texted to tell me his dad had a stroke. He's in hospital, they aren't sure of the extent of damage yet.
I replied at the time to say I was sorry to hear it, that it must be very scary for him and his mum.
Just woken up to texts from him again begging for help, saying he's lost.. 3:30am misery texts.
I don't know how to respond. No responding is probably best, but he is a human in pain and fear. He is an alcoholic.
What to do/say for the best?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I don't know what's best - but I think you can safely choose to not respond to text messages at 3:30 am.
It sounds harsh but if he hasn't built a safety net in all the time since you separated, you may not want to respond to that or risk becoming his caretaker on some level again?
It sounds harsh but if he hasn't built a safety net in all the time since you separated, you may not want to respond to that or risk becoming his caretaker on some level again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 72
Thanks lillamy..
I got the first one, put phone to silent, and tried to go back to sleep.
In his head he probably thinks THIS will get a response. And I'm thinking I shouldn't give in..
Probably worth mentioning that i'm pretty sure his dad is an alcoholic too. At least a bottle of wine a day, massively overweight, diabetic. So a stroke was not a surprise to me, although to STBXAH and his family it is a devastating hock.
It's painful to keep out of it. I want to be compassionate. But the stakes are too high.
Learning to love myself in new ways, not measuring me on how much I help others. Really hard to learn, even harder to put into practice!
I got the first one, put phone to silent, and tried to go back to sleep.
In his head he probably thinks THIS will get a response. And I'm thinking I shouldn't give in..
Probably worth mentioning that i'm pretty sure his dad is an alcoholic too. At least a bottle of wine a day, massively overweight, diabetic. So a stroke was not a surprise to me, although to STBXAH and his family it is a devastating hock.
It's painful to keep out of it. I want to be compassionate. But the stakes are too high.
Learning to love myself in new ways, not measuring me on how much I help others. Really hard to learn, even harder to put into practice!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think you're best off not responding further. And I think you are right--he didn't ask for his dad to have a stroke, but that won't stop him from milking the situation to his advantage.
Hugs,
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
It's painful to keep out of it. I want to be compassionate. But the stakes are too high.
Learning to love myself in new ways, not measuring me on how much I help others. Really hard to learn, even harder to put into practice!
Learning to love myself in new ways, not measuring me on how much I help others. Really hard to learn, even harder to put into practice!
Every day, we need to remind ourselves that it's OK to take care of ourselves. I don't know about you but I have a lifetime of "a good girl puts other people's needs ahead of her own" upbringing to get over. And the confusing thing is that putting other people's needs ahead of your own isn't always bad -- you do it with your kids, and you should be able to do it in a relationship with another healthy adult. But with the emotional vampires addicts is, it kills you slowly.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
And I think you are right--he didn't ask for his dad to have a stroke, but that won't stop him from milking the situation to his advantage.
lillamy said it best, emotional vampire addict.
He will suck the life out of you if you let him in.
It's painful to keep out of it. I want to be compassionate. But the stakes are too high.
Beth
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
