wolfers22

I need Courage

Here I am 105 days clean. I spent 30 days in recovery in Palm Springs and 30 days in sober living there also. After 60 days I come back home to Shingletown. (No NA meetings up here) I been back to work for 2 weeks now. I work 4 days a week 10 hours a day because of the long commute. I finally got another car the day before I went back.
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Here is my problem. I want to go to meetings after work. I look them up and drive to the place, But then I chicken out because I am afraid to go in there alone. This is eating at me more than anything ever has! I feel like a failure every time I do that and tell myself that I will be there tomorrow. But alas tomorrow never comes right? I am so afraid!
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I am still clean and don't want to go back again. Relapsing after 10 years was bad enough! I just wish that I had been in a program during that time then maybe I wouldn't have this anxiety about going into that room. I am hoping to find someone here that goes too. But the longer I am not going the harder this is becoming.
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Thanks for letting me share.
Wolfers

Isaiah

What is it exactly that you think makes you nervous about going inside?

Can't help but notice you seem to be having a fair amount of anxiety about not going. Might one anxiety not be better than the other?

grandma12

Hi Welcome, WE have meetings in Burney mon, wed, fri, at 8pm. We would love to have you. Its a AA but most ppl are alcoholics / addicts. Also if you would like to go to Redding I would be happy to meet you and go with you. Walking into that first meeting is rough I too would drive there and not go in, now I cant wait for meetings. A little about me Im 52 started drinking after my Mom died 6 years ago, never drank before that, sober 231 days.

wolfers22

thanks grandma 12. im 55 and would love to know when your meetings in Burney are. im in Cassel usually on the weekends. The best days for redding (unless you are already there) is Mondays. otherwise I cant go until the 7pm meetings, you are wonderful for offering. thank you

wolfers22

Isaiah, fear is a funny thing. im not exactly sure why. being judged or maybe running into my ex. its not that we have a bad relationship. its that after 11 years im still not quite over him.