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Back to hell again

Old 07-28-2013, 07:08 AM
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Back to hell again

Drank on Friday evening out of pure boredom. Not trying to make an excuse, but there is really nothing going on for me now. Went to a gym, finished my work, and slammed about 3 liters of beer. Saturday was much, much worse. I called my friends (married couple) and they came over with a small kid. So we began eating and drinking, shared a case of 24 beers with a guy and they left at 9 pm. I thought - come on, it's too early to finish, went for another case and called escort. The worst part was I had no cash or a credit card with me, so we drank and I drived us to those friends to borrow $1000.

Was driving in a blackout. Thanks God I have not killed anyone or met cops! Showed up in friends' yard totally wasted, they refused to give me money if I don't give them the keys from my car. The prostitute was sitting in the car all that time. Was about to start a fight. They parked my car
and finally gave me the cash. We left for a night club which I don't remember at all. Drank more there, and left alone on autopilot. Don't remember a damn thing.

How many times should I hit the bottom? I drink because I have nothing to do, naturally very shy and tense. This tension accumulates every day and I drink to blow off the steam. Sounds like a lame excuse but it is still so.

Don't know what to do. Next time I won't be so lucky and will actually kill myself or someone else in drunk driving accident or a stupid fight. Now I'm here on my knees (on millionth time) and begging for help.
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:13 AM
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If you are in the country Norway, look up AA. When I was there I found a meeting place in Trondheim, and I know Bergen has one. I am sure Oslo has too.

I wish you the best.
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:21 AM
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I am glad you see how serious this is Freddy. Perhaps being aware of this you can see how 'being bored' isn't a good reason for drinking. Drinking doesn't cure boredom, doing stuff does. Drinking gets you drunk. If you don't have anything to do, find stuff, volunteer, go for walks, read a book. If you are shy and tense, so what? Being shy and tense is better than drunk and a liability (at best). If you are too shy to do stuff sober, then don't. Work on some solo activities that could raise your self esteem. I have done largely that and there is nothing wrong with it. You don't have to be doing stuff all the time. Chill, and don't drink! If you can't trust yourself then maybe look at inpatient or a regular outpatient program or AA. Throw yourself into something that isn't drinking.
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:27 AM
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Im like you, just tense all the time. I drink to escape and chill then i do stupid ****. Everytime. because im at home with the kids and not working now im fed up which for me is destructive.
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:48 AM
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Drank on Friday evening out of pure boredom
You need a plan ahead of time. If you allow your mind to sit idle that will lead you to drink. Don't wait until you are bored again to think "what can I do other than drink?" Prepare the list so that you can go to it and start doing what's on it.

You can do this!
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Old 07-28-2013, 07:48 AM
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WoW! ! ! I've got a hangover just from reading your post.

I never had blackouts. Seems like quite a waste of money if you don't even remember how much fun you thought you had.

Social anxiety, fear, and depression were my main reasons to myself for drinking. I thought the alcohol was relieving my tension.

Took months of being sober to realize ALCOHOL was causing most of the negative feelings.

Glad you made it back in one piece and are on the road to recovery.
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Old 07-28-2013, 08:10 AM
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You ask how many times you should hit bottom. That's completely up to you. The next time could very literally be the last, by your own admission. You could also choose to make a plan for staying sober through one of the many programs discussed here.

You are also right that being bored is not an excuse. And at his point in your drinking, you are choosing to drink and also endangering the lives of others.

It's your choice to make..which path will you take? I hope you choose sobriety. And if you do, stay and learn here at SR.
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Old 07-28-2013, 09:33 AM
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Hey Freddy..I woke up the morning after my last drunk having driven in a blackout as well. There was obviously a plethora of reasons for me to quit drinking, but that morning I felt like there was a voice within me (perhaps God, who knows) that told me "you drive drunk one more time, you're gonna kill somebody's mama or baby and you're gonna live to see what you've done". I made a list of all the things I could do INSTEAD of drinking should I want to pick up. Some simple things like "going for a walk" and "posting on SR" ..to the not so simple of "going to an AA" meeting. Get prepared for battle my friend and get some allies. I got almost 2 months staying sober in "the now and as it happens".
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Old 07-28-2013, 09:46 AM
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Hi..I have just started down the road of recovery. I decided to write down the ugly truth to alcoholism. Even when you think you have done bad some alcoholic has done worse. This is my truth:
My journey...

Oh my dear God...

How did i get here. I am an alcoholic!! I hated my mother for so many years because she would not quit!
Here I am my mother. If I had one wish i would wish that i could have had a normal childhood. The pain was just to much. Tried to kill myself at sixteen. Scream for help. My brother found me in the bathroom drunk and bleeding from my wrists.
Not sure what normal is. Why does this hurt so much.

Drink to feel good, drink to feel confident, drink because i just dont care, drink because im celebrating, drink because im depressed, drink to forget, drink to remember, drink to numb

How does this happen you loose control!

Blackouts that I tried to hide by pretending I remember

The downward spiral

The hangovers, the self hate, the brusing from a fall

I will not die a drunk! I am stronger than this poison...

MD
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Old 07-28-2013, 11:35 AM
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Some of us cheat death....some don't.

Some of us narrowly missed hurting and killing....some have.

Today abstinent...we have choices...

The good thing is most of don't kill and maim when sober.
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Old 07-28-2013, 02:57 PM
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How many times should I hit the bottom?
Sadly, it'll be as many times as you let yourself Freddy.

Things are getting worse and progressing, you can tell that yourself - if you want to stay out of hell, you need to find support to stop drinking, and support to make the changes you need to make.

I think you need to ask yourself, what am I prepared to do today to get help and stop this nonsense...but only you can decide to do that Freddy.

D
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