Maddening: he keeps writing as if NC will just blow over!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 199
Maddening: he keeps writing as if NC will just blow over!
So this has really surprised me, maybe it shouldn't. I'm over a month into NC now after breaking up with my exABF and he has written a few times in a way that makes me think he thinks NC will just blow over. Like my concerns were just a huff or something and I'll straighten up and fly right, come to my senses. I got this one (that he wrote at 2:45 am):
[sadie] I would like you to be my date ...on a lovely summer's night ... bring your girl and we'll ride the Ferris Wheel on a fresh summer night.
Hey .. you forced stuff a little hard but ...i miss you. [his name]
I forced things a little hard ... That has me almost laughing and also just SAD for him that he'd minimize drinking himself to death so easily.
Not going to answer, just flabbergasted really. I guess I shouldn't be, this is normal denial? So out of touch with reality, as if we could possibly ever have that lovely summer night he imagined, or that I'd possibly ever involve my daughter.
[sadie] I would like you to be my date ...on a lovely summer's night ... bring your girl and we'll ride the Ferris Wheel on a fresh summer night.
Hey .. you forced stuff a little hard but ...i miss you. [his name]
I forced things a little hard ... That has me almost laughing and also just SAD for him that he'd minimize drinking himself to death so easily.
Not going to answer, just flabbergasted really. I guess I shouldn't be, this is normal denial? So out of touch with reality, as if we could possibly ever have that lovely summer night he imagined, or that I'd possibly ever involve my daughter.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,872
If you are still reading his messages, you haven't truly gone no contact. He still has a way to get to you. If you really mean to have no contact with him, block all communication devices and avoid him like the plague.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
This sounds exactly like my ex. In between abusive, taunting emails calling me a miserable witch, he writes and asks me on trips or to go to the movies and hold hands....two years after divorce, he wants the two us to date 
For a long time I just kept telling him "no, never, stop it now" and recently figured out that he may never stop, but I need to ignore him for my own sanity.
For a long time I just kept telling him "no, never, stop it now" and recently figured out that he may never stop, but I need to ignore him for my own sanity.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 199
Suki -- you're right. This was email and I hadn't gotten an email from him for some time, and it came up in my inbox and surprised me. Is there a way to block emails?
Yah I know it's just his way to try to pretend his drinking is no big deal. Such incredible denial.
It isn't upsetting me or getting to me in a deep way, I don't feel triggered or sad. More than anything I'm dumbfounded that his own awareness is so limited.
I'm not going to give this more energy. It's sad for him but it isn't my problem anymore. I don't mean that callously, I wish him the best. But I'm aimed forward.
Thanks everyone.
Yah I know it's just his way to try to pretend his drinking is no big deal. Such incredible denial.
It isn't upsetting me or getting to me in a deep way, I don't feel triggered or sad. More than anything I'm dumbfounded that his own awareness is so limited.
I'm not going to give this more energy. It's sad for him but it isn't my problem anymore. I don't mean that callously, I wish him the best. But I'm aimed forward.
Thanks everyone.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: West Coast
Posts: 24
My ex did this to me as well, the endless sweet nothings as if my boundaries were meaningless. SO disrespectful of me even though I'd make it perfectly clear to him that I did not want him contacting me. Of course, part of me still wanted to hear the sweet nothings even though they were nothings.
If you have a ***** account go into the message, click the "down" arrow, and say "Filter messages like this." You can then select if you want the message to go automatically into the Archive, skipping the inbox or just delete it straightaway so you never see it. I was not strong enough to say "delete" personally. Good luck to you.
If you have a ***** account go into the message, click the "down" arrow, and say "Filter messages like this." You can then select if you want the message to go automatically into the Archive, skipping the inbox or just delete it straightaway so you never see it. I was not strong enough to say "delete" personally. Good luck to you.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by sadielady 
S It's sad for him but it isn't my problem anymore. I don't mean that callously,
~T
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Yeah, I'd filter him out and stop reading, too.
My experience started similarly and went very toxic very fast. From emails like that one to (when i didn't respond) "in God's eyes you will always be my wife and I will always have a right to you, wherever you are and however much time has passed" which made it super creepy and stalkerish.
Of course Inbetween I also got the "you are an evil wench" stuff but that was easier to handle be cause it was only angry, not insane.
My experience started similarly and went very toxic very fast. From emails like that one to (when i didn't respond) "in God's eyes you will always be my wife and I will always have a right to you, wherever you are and however much time has passed" which made it super creepy and stalkerish.
Of course Inbetween I also got the "you are an evil wench" stuff but that was easier to handle be cause it was only angry, not insane.
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