Giving in to peer pressure
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 31
Giving in to peer pressure
Totally fed up. Did really well; had about two weeks sober with one day in between. Then I went round to my Aunts for a party on Tues and everything went out the window. I had said I wasn't going to drink alcohol because I came in the car and well you would have thought I'd just told them I'd murdered someone - they were disgusted! And so the next hour was dedicated to persuading me to leave the car and drink alcohol. And of course, I gave in. This time I did not follow it up with a sober day, I was so pissed with myself that I fell into 'that' frame of mind and so Wed and Thurs I drank wine too.
Today, I reeeally want a sober day but at the min I'm not feeling very positive.
The peer pressure to drink will always be a problem with my family though, mainly because (and they would never admit this) most of them have a drink problem. I come from a huge close family from which almost every aunt/cousin have a close relationship with alcohol. My uncle and my two aunts are alcoholics. My Mum has a problem also despite her health not being too good. There are often parties/weddings/gathering etc. which are cantered around alcohol and being sober unless pregnant is absolutely unthinkable.
....its like they're uncomfortable being around sober people...
I'm not blaming my problem on my family, but it does make things more difficult. I can't and would never distance myself from my family because I love each and every one of them. I wish we could all meet up and be sober, so it's all more genuine, and happy.
Hope I can be sober again today because I'm so much happier and positive when I am.
Thanks for listening to me moan!!!
Today, I reeeally want a sober day but at the min I'm not feeling very positive.
The peer pressure to drink will always be a problem with my family though, mainly because (and they would never admit this) most of them have a drink problem. I come from a huge close family from which almost every aunt/cousin have a close relationship with alcohol. My uncle and my two aunts are alcoholics. My Mum has a problem also despite her health not being too good. There are often parties/weddings/gathering etc. which are cantered around alcohol and being sober unless pregnant is absolutely unthinkable.
....its like they're uncomfortable being around sober people...
I'm not blaming my problem on my family, but it does make things more difficult. I can't and would never distance myself from my family because I love each and every one of them. I wish we could all meet up and be sober, so it's all more genuine, and happy.
Hope I can be sober again today because I'm so much happier and positive when I am.
Thanks for listening to me moan!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
This just should not be! You should not be pressured by your family to drink when you don't want to drink. I wonder whether there is anything equivalent to a "reverse intervention", that is a procedure whereby a recovering alcoholic has it out with his or her family, invites in a counselor to help them get in touch with the real world, assume some responsibility for their outrageous unwillingness to give you the kind of love and support you are entitled to?
You have a right to recover, a right to love and support from them. Another way of putting this is that I found in my recovery that I had been a very dependent person, not only dependent on alcohol but dependent on others as a "control" over my drinking. It didn't work. Rather than "controlling" my drinking they became enablers.
You have a right to stand on your own two feet, to cease being dependent on them, a right to recover and to lead a happy life, a right to stand up for yourself. Have it out with them. Tell them you love them but that you are also a person whom they should respect, a person who is entitled to the most important thing in life, the right to be oneself. They can do what they wish with their toxic lives. If they want to drink themselves to death that's their choice. But you have a right to be well, to live the kind of life you want to live and deserve to have.
W.
You have a right to recover, a right to love and support from them. Another way of putting this is that I found in my recovery that I had been a very dependent person, not only dependent on alcohol but dependent on others as a "control" over my drinking. It didn't work. Rather than "controlling" my drinking they became enablers.
You have a right to stand on your own two feet, to cease being dependent on them, a right to recover and to lead a happy life, a right to stand up for yourself. Have it out with them. Tell them you love them but that you are also a person whom they should respect, a person who is entitled to the most important thing in life, the right to be oneself. They can do what they wish with their toxic lives. If they want to drink themselves to death that's their choice. But you have a right to be well, to live the kind of life you want to live and deserve to have.
W.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 31
Thank you W. Everything you say is right! And I know I need to be stronger and stand up for myself. I have not told them about my drink problem but nevertheless they have no right to control my life; I should not let them. When you hear it from someone else though it makes more sense... thanks 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
I feel that slippery places can be my downfall and perhaps shat situation is one for most of us. It's suggested in AA that if we need to be at a slippery place to bring someone with you for support. Next we need to be able to identify what might be slippery. Then there's the option of not going. BE WELL
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Raspberry.
It's your life, your health, your sobriety. If anyone feels uncomfortable about this - it's not your problem. Even if its your family.
Protect your sobriety by any means necessary, it's worth it.
You are not doing anything wrong staying sober - on the contrary!
Stay strong.
Best wishes to you.
It's your life, your health, your sobriety. If anyone feels uncomfortable about this - it's not your problem. Even if its your family.
Protect your sobriety by any means necessary, it's worth it.
You are not doing anything wrong staying sober - on the contrary!
Stay strong.
Best wishes to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Raspberry
the idea of someone not drinking in my family is alien to them...but they got used to it eventually
Yes, I had to say no thank you or I don't drink anymore 65 million times before they accepted it...
but I know what taking a drink means for me - and someone else trying to make me take a drink is a pretty damn poor reason to let myself down, you know?
stay strong - wear them down, rather than the other way around...
and if all else fails, maybe take a break from them for a while until you feel stronger?
D
the idea of someone not drinking in my family is alien to them...but they got used to it eventually
Yes, I had to say no thank you or I don't drink anymore 65 million times before they accepted it...
but I know what taking a drink means for me - and someone else trying to make me take a drink is a pretty damn poor reason to let myself down, you know?
stay strong - wear them down, rather than the other way around...
and if all else fails, maybe take a break from them for a while until you feel stronger?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 54
I think it could be worthwhile making up a medical reason why you can't drink - not sure what it could be though.
If they thought that alcohol might actually seriously damage you there and then, they wouldn't put pressure on you to drink.
And morally I don't think it's wrong to lie if you are protecting your sobriety.
If they thought that alcohol might actually seriously damage you there and then, they wouldn't put pressure on you to drink.
And morally I don't think it's wrong to lie if you are protecting your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
Yeah. That was a great idea Dee brought up: Wear them down, instead of letting them do the same to you. It is funny sometimes. Many people who I come in contact with one way or another always have some reference to my drinking, I get called the lord of booze and stuff like that. And those people have no clue I am in recovery and have zero intention of touching alcohol in any form.
It really is something to get to their thick skulls. People really have their own mental worlds and opinions of how people are and it is amazing how unperceptive people can be. Everyone seems to take it for granted that I drink.
More about peer pressure, as Dee also said, I find simply being stubborn about it, and using evasion, such as ignoring people who tell me to "have a drink". Don't let your peers get to you. They are ignorant about things, that they are.
It really is something to get to their thick skulls. People really have their own mental worlds and opinions of how people are and it is amazing how unperceptive people can be. Everyone seems to take it for granted that I drink.
More about peer pressure, as Dee also said, I find simply being stubborn about it, and using evasion, such as ignoring people who tell me to "have a drink". Don't let your peers get to you. They are ignorant about things, that they are.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Declining the offer and feeling less of a pull to give in gets easier over time. At two years it is no big deal even though i am aware that part of would love a drink. I avoided drinking social situations for the first six months. If i go to one now i arrive late and leave early, and am less likely to go is drinking and chatting is the only focus
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
dbillyd wrote: I think it could be worthwhile making up a medical reason why you can't drink - not sure what it could be though.
If they thought that alcohol might actually seriously damage you there and then, they wouldn't put pressure on you to drink.
And morally I don't think it's wrong to lie if you are protecting your sobriety."
This alternative occurred to me, a sort of "Fake it till you make it" approach. My problems with that stem from the likelihood that because of the closeness of the family the lying is likely to be found out and ridiculed. This is related to the second problem, namely that the whole process of recovery presupposes honesty to oneself and to others. To stop sneaking around and pretending stuff that isn't so, to stand on one's own feet and be strong, not be dependent on others, to say publicly "Sure, I've been ill but now I'm going to get well and nothing you can say or do can stop me." And finally to realize that, to paraphrase Yogi Berra, "[Getting well and staying well] isn't everything! It's the only thing!"
W.
If they thought that alcohol might actually seriously damage you there and then, they wouldn't put pressure on you to drink.
And morally I don't think it's wrong to lie if you are protecting your sobriety."
This alternative occurred to me, a sort of "Fake it till you make it" approach. My problems with that stem from the likelihood that because of the closeness of the family the lying is likely to be found out and ridiculed. This is related to the second problem, namely that the whole process of recovery presupposes honesty to oneself and to others. To stop sneaking around and pretending stuff that isn't so, to stand on one's own feet and be strong, not be dependent on others, to say publicly "Sure, I've been ill but now I'm going to get well and nothing you can say or do can stop me." And finally to realize that, to paraphrase Yogi Berra, "[Getting well and staying well] isn't everything! It's the only thing!"
W.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
