What do I do??
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
What do I do??
I am lost as where to post now, as I have run away from all the alcoholics in my life but still feel I need help, as I went to see a psychologist today who didn't really help much, apart from saying I have had a bad past.
So on the look out for something new to try, a way to vent and get some confirmation of reality and alcohol induced reality. I will not turn to god, I have read books and still reading, but still nothing seems to stop my brain thinking and heart pounding.
I ran away from my A mother on christmas eve last year, arrived at my A aunties how, where I managed to put up with her for nearly 6 months, till she started causing trouble, and blaming me for her problems.
So she now hates me and denies everything, just like my mother, I am starting to think it might be me, I am the one in both equations.
My dad came over for a holiday for a month, for my birthday but missed it, but stayed with his sister, my aunty, for 4 weeks and saw me for one week, and in that week he told me what my aunty had said, and thought and assumed and blah blah, we argued, he told me off for things I didnt do or say, I was honest with him and he went straight back n told her all of this, which pissed her off even more, I tried to tell my side of the story but am giving up slowly, no one seems to believe me, they all get excuses made up for them and I get told I should say sorry, I should do write to my mum, I should do this, that n the other, blah blah blah blah blah!!!!
I left England to live my life how I wanna, to stop the stress, anxiety, panic attacks, being slave for my mother, guilt trips, attacking me, blaming me. but it never seems to end, Now I just dread answering the phone, hate answering the door. Never know what I will get in trouble for next.
I just want to live a happy stress free life, why can't I???
Im dying to get a job n house of my own, so I have enough stress as it is with those two. I just want my life to work out, I know only I can do it and I am trying so hard.
So on the look out for something new to try, a way to vent and get some confirmation of reality and alcohol induced reality. I will not turn to god, I have read books and still reading, but still nothing seems to stop my brain thinking and heart pounding.
I ran away from my A mother on christmas eve last year, arrived at my A aunties how, where I managed to put up with her for nearly 6 months, till she started causing trouble, and blaming me for her problems.
So she now hates me and denies everything, just like my mother, I am starting to think it might be me, I am the one in both equations.
My dad came over for a holiday for a month, for my birthday but missed it, but stayed with his sister, my aunty, for 4 weeks and saw me for one week, and in that week he told me what my aunty had said, and thought and assumed and blah blah, we argued, he told me off for things I didnt do or say, I was honest with him and he went straight back n told her all of this, which pissed her off even more, I tried to tell my side of the story but am giving up slowly, no one seems to believe me, they all get excuses made up for them and I get told I should say sorry, I should do write to my mum, I should do this, that n the other, blah blah blah blah blah!!!!
I left England to live my life how I wanna, to stop the stress, anxiety, panic attacks, being slave for my mother, guilt trips, attacking me, blaming me. but it never seems to end, Now I just dread answering the phone, hate answering the door. Never know what I will get in trouble for next.
I just want to live a happy stress free life, why can't I???
Im dying to get a job n house of my own, so I have enough stress as it is with those two. I just want my life to work out, I know only I can do it and I am trying so hard.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
I read self help books,studied cognitive behaviour therapy, philosophy, psychology etc in an endeavour to overcome bad background, alcoholism and drug addiction.
Finally I had to turn to a God of my own understanding to find realistic relief.
Finally I had to turn to a God of my own understanding to find realistic relief.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Hhhmmm. I am at a bit of a loss with a response but I'll simply say this. Removing chaos from your life sometimes requires cutting out all the people who cause you chaos. Sometimes its an acknowledgement that we cause our own chaos because it is what we are used to and familiar with.
Have you considered counseling - not with a psychologist but with a family/addictions specialist?
Have you considered counseling - not with a psychologist but with a family/addictions specialist?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hey Renegayd - sorry the move did not turn out as you expected. How disappointing.
What are you doing today to create a life for yourself where you don't have to depend on people who aren't healthy for your state of mind? Do you have a job? Are you looking for one? Maybe you have a friend or two looking for a roommate in the future? I wish I had better things to add, but I think first and foremost you need to pour all your energy into finding a space of your own.
Sending you strength and patience.
What are you doing today to create a life for yourself where you don't have to depend on people who aren't healthy for your state of mind? Do you have a job? Are you looking for one? Maybe you have a friend or two looking for a roommate in the future? I wish I had better things to add, but I think first and foremost you need to pour all your energy into finding a space of your own.
Sending you strength and patience.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Murchovski 
I read self help books,studied cognitive behaviour therapy, philosophy, psychology etc in an endeavour to overcome bad background, alcoholism and drug addiction.
Finally I had to turn to a God of my own understanding to find realistic relief.
Finally I had to turn to a God of my own understanding to find realistic relief.
Renegayd, the path out is only as far as you wish to make it.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by renegayd
So she now hates me and denies everything, just like my mother, I am starting to think it might be me, I am the one in both equations.
Irrational, unreasonable, alcoholics.
Hugs.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Renegayd, you obviously have a lot going on in your head, your living circumstances, and very difficult family. Have you considered talking to the Salvos, who will not push religion on you but may be able to help you with a job, study and accommodation? Another organisation is Beyond Blue, which will point you to resources in the mental health area. I'm not saying you have a mental illness, but talking to a professional counsellor may be possible, even on a tiny budget.
Try writing out a list of what your idea circumstance look like. Study, a job, a share house, hobbies, help coping with your family? Now go online and see what help you can find.
Make a plan, give yourself some hope for the future. All the best, you can do it!
Try writing out a list of what your idea circumstance look like. Study, a job, a share house, hobbies, help coping with your family? Now go online and see what help you can find.
Make a plan, give yourself some hope for the future. All the best, you can do it!
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