thotful

I have been working on assessing the question of whether I'm an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser. For whatever reason, being able to say I'm an alcoholic, I might feel like I deserve the sobriety chips more, and deserve to be in AA more. Plus, I wonder if it would help with awareness instead of denial.

If it's the case, then I would be a functioning alcoholic. I have been sober for almost 11 months. I have a job, a wife, a home, and don't fit the stereotype. I don't feel intense urges, but I feel that I am not safe with alcohol. Even when I tried to say I have issues with alcohol, family members try to convince me that I don't have a problem because I'm responsible, and have no consequences. Could it simply be that I'm an alcoholic that is in the early stages? That would mean that I could arrest the disease earlier and keep myself from experiencing the disease at later stages?

I turned to sobriety when I found that I was sick and tired of all the messed up stuff going on in my family-of-origin (alcoholic father, emotionally abusive behavior towards my wife and not accepting her) and not liking who I am when drinking. I am 35 years old and have a history of bad stuff happening while I'm drinking. In college, I had the black-outs...the hangovers...doing things that my sober self would consider morally reprehensible, etc. I have put my life in danger (drove after drinking - dropped keys into the hands of my drunk friend while I was drunk)...I have put my friend's life in danger..and the worst I am feeling ashamed and guilty of is when I put my wife's safety at risk about 2 years ago (left her at a party to walk 6 miles and she had to walk behind me because I left the keys in the truck and she didn't know - it was in the middle of the night and it was really dark). I hate the feeling that I can't keep myself or my family safe when I allow myself to get "drunk".

Anyways, I drank to be someone I liked better (fun, happy, cool, hip, etc). I now believe that the person I am when I'm drunk (although a "happy" drunk) is not really me.

Even though my sobriety seems easy, can I consider myself an alcoholic - attend AA, work with a sponsor, etc? (I've been attending Al-Anon for about 9 months now as well). I've been to 3 AA meetings this week.

Dee74

welcome thotful

I'm not sure anymore that there really is an all sizes alcoholic stereotype - as long as drinking brings problems to your life, it's a problem you need to fix, IMO.

If we're not drinking, and that's bringing problems to our lives, I think we need to address that too.

I'm not in AA but I believe all you need there is the desire to quit drinking.
You have that

D

July2413

Hi thotful,

I just posted a little bit about myself here and one of the things I shared was that the quantity of alcohol I'm drinking, while too much, is still not incredibly excessive and my "problems" haven't outwardly taken over my life yet. What scares me is how I feel when I drink, how often I need to drink, how obsessed I am with the thoughts of drinking, and how deadened I feel the rest of the time.

I feel like an alcoholic who hasn't reached her full potential for self destruction (and hopefully never will!) It does make me feel a little bit uncomfortable saying "I am an alcoholic" but I am. I think that if I'm going to make it I have to really own it because otherwise I might reach that full potential and I don't want to go there. I hope that makes sense and isn't offensive in anyway. I'm just trying to figure things out myself but I know I need to admit some difficult things.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR thotful

I have often heard it said here that it's not how much you drink but what happens to you when you do. To be honest I was even able to wiggle my way out of that one because it wasn't often that bad things happened when I drank, short term anyway, but it made me feel dreadful. The huge amounts of guilt and anxiety coupled with eventual health issues made it a pretty unpleasant experience. What convinced me of my 'alcoholic' status was my inability to stop, but seeing as I have now I guess that wasn't the most reliable criteria.

Basically there is no difference between 'alcoholic' and 'alcohol abuse' or 'alcohol dependant'. They're just different terms to describe an alcohol problem. If there is one thing I have learnt from being here it's that there are many different types of alcohol problem, too many for there to be a stereotype. I felt like in AA there were a lot of war stories but there were also people who were less vocal who drank more like me (just heavily in the evenings). There are also recovery methods which don't advocate the use of the word alcoholic, seeing as you don't drink any more how can you have an alcohol problem right? I think the thing is to just find what makes you feel comfortable. If you are enjoying AA and feel like identifying as an alcoholic is beneficial to you then there's no problem. No one is going to ask you to fulfil any criteria. Glad you're here x

least

The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking. It doesn't matter what we call ourselves, it's how much trouble alcohol is bringing us.


Welcome to SR!

Mistical

You sound just like me! I was just reading a lot of information to determine if I'm an actual alcoholic. I don't fit the mold that I've read about. No withdraws, I don't feel dependent, and I only drink socially but I know without a doubt I'm an alcohol abuser and come from a line of addicts! So does it really matter how we are labeled? We are all getting sober because alcohol has majorly influenced us negatively! If AA is helping you then absolutely keep it up!

Pedro1234

I think its has no bearing whether we consider ourselves as alcoholics or not. There is no set rule of what is and what isn't an alcoholic. I think we are all hear on SR to better our lives from problems we have that have emerged due to the way we live our lives. Drinking/drugging has become habit or part of our everyday lives and from that comes problem (health, family, legal etc) Whether you call yourself an alcoholic or otherwise really doesn't matter. Realizing and admitting we have dependency issues that needs fixing and attempting to fix them does.

tomsteve

"Even though my sobriety seems easy, can I consider myself an alcoholic - attend AA, work with a sponsor, etc?"

if you have a desire to stop drinking, then sure ya can!

I would suggest doin a google search for big book online and read the 1st 164 pages.
theres also personal stories after that.heres the intro to one of the sections of personal stories titled" they stopped in time:
Among today's incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.

Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.

Why do men and women like these join A.A.?

The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.

They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had then; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.

Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.

Therefore, these seventeen A.A.'s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."

Isaiah

Yes. Even though it's called Alcoholics Anonymous, you don't have to be/consider yourself an "alcoholic" to attend.

I think it's best to think of all such terms as shades of grey rather than absolute categories. There's no leap that takes place from a. abuser to alcoholic, it's a gradual change.

Peter G

Just my opinion, but first; if you have to ask, you already know. And if you don't feel "safe" around alcohol, + you've driven drunk and experienced black outs, + you have a family history, e.t.c... then you need not worry about your "level" of affliction, or whether or not you "deserve" the help AA provides. Settle that in your mind now. You're already well within the perilous category of potentially drop dead alcoholism. Added; if you are getting something from AA, than it's worth your time and effort and nothing to feel ashamed about.

Secondly, and this is definitely only my opinion, but I always suggest that 12 step work is beneficial to anyone on planet earth, addiction or not. So if it can help, why not?

Third; do you consult family members when you become bed ridden with illness? Would you expect they can properly set your broken arm should you break it in a bicycle wipe out or a bad fall on the ice? Of course not. So when family/friends tell you that you're not an alcoholic, treat it as if you're asking a random 10 year old advice on quantum physics... surely they'll offer friendly and facile advice, but it's utterly meaningless to help you figure out whether or not you're a potential low-ball drunk.

Fourth; alcoholism is progressive, and mine started getting proper out of control at around your age. I've also read that most people who get sober permanently do so after years of trying and failing. That the largest demographic of successfully sober folks is aged 40 and up. (can't remember where I read that, I think it was among my doctor's office pamphlets) Point is you're only 5 years ahead of that statistical curve. So you might just be dodging a bullet by surrounding yourself with AA and the good people there, now, before you hit that downward spiral and waste 5 or 10 more years getting unnecessarily sicker and sicker.

Of course one cannot prove a negative. It's quite possible you'd never hit the depraved lengths some of us have. And maybe you're just paranoid over nothing. Then again, maybe you will crash and burn the very next time you drink, and as my first sponsor said, "being paranoid doesn't necessarily mean that something isn't out to get you".

Then there is always the chance that you will end up worse than all of us and literally die from the misadventure of questioning your addiction level to alcohol. So don't. There's no prerequisite amount of agony one must go through before smartening up and getting help. Like @hypochondriac says, it's not how much you drink but what happens to you when you do.

Thing is; since you've already established a fear of what you might become, and you do have some characteristics of alcoholic behavioral patterns, why tempt fate? Is having a few care-free casual drinks at some mystical future point worth the possibility that it might risk your life or the lives of those you love? Put in another context: is the possibility of future drinking worth the chance that any random, future glass of alcohol is potentially infected with flesh-eating bacteria? Same same.

My advice is to embrace the 12 steps and thank your Higher Power that you found him/her/it before being thrust into the perilous journey some have faced with this rotten, evil dis-ease.

Bubovski

You seem to be travelling pretty; I would suggest you stay on course and opt for sobriety.

Eleni58

My drinking did not affect my job or family life. No problems ever! I was totally functional and happy. But the FACT that I NEED to drink every day has made me a prisoner to the bottle and to me that is the definition of an alcoholic--not how it affects your life or health, but that fact that you feel you CANNOT go without it, therefore missing out on many functions at night time where alcohol was not served.

Nuudawn

I believe I resemble that remark. It's like I felt like I was an "alcoholic" hiding in a relatively normal looking skin suit. Never lost a job over it, my driver's license, all my money, no car accidents, seem to keep it relatively together at staff xmas parties so people weren't talking bout me at the water cooler..like SOME people.

I know a lot of people didn't know, but I know I did. I could fool myself some of the time...but deep down....I KNEW.

deadlift

murchovski said a good line really simple
stay on course and opt for sobriety
I personally don't use the word alcoholic and its not any sort of denial tactic but I understand I am a person that has had problems with alcohol so I and only I CHOOSE to not drink alcohol
ive only had 20 days sober so im feeling a bit big headed but I feel so much better and I hope you will to
good luck
DL

thotful

I definitely feel like I'm in the right place when reading everyone's responses. AA just feels right for me. I really needed your thoughts - so much of what has been said has really hit home in my heart. I'm staying on the AA path. Thanks!

visch1

I'm an alcoholic who cannot drink in safety. When I drank and got in trouble the majority of time alcohol had been consumed. It affected me in other negative ways also in a slow creeping manner until I was in over my head. Today I have no problem with alcohol, I don't consume it. BE WELL