Trooper13

Up until last night I was very positive. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to drink probably because I still feel like garbage. I had some personal problems erupt last night, again no desire to drink, what would be the point? The problem and worries would still be there. I really do not want to go to this 12:30 meeting and listen to all these happy, sober people but I will put a smile on my face (okay, I probably won't be smiling) and go. Sorry, just woke up cranky and worried. Hope all of you are having a better day.

Nuudawn

Hey Trooper...nice work on 5 days : ) I am not currently a member of AA but I was in my last attempt at sobriety. Reading your message, I recall a particular meeting I didn't want to go to after I'd had what I perceived as a lousy job interview. I was out of sorts, irritable and feeling down on myself. Well, well, well...guess what happened. I went to that meeting and was oh so glad I did. Somebody's share really spoke to me and got me outside of myself and felt a lot better. From my recollection, AA meetings encompass every emotion under the rainbow and every story...they are not a bunch of people radiantly happy with rainbows shooting outta their bums all the time. I suspect the way you are feeling is when you most have to go : )

Trooper13

This is seriously the happiest group of people I have ever seen. So much laughing yesterday it was nuts. Large meeting, about 50 people, maybe today will be different. I need to find something to do. I live alone and the only other human I ever really speak to is my daughter and well...nevermind

Nuudawn

Trust today will be different. Have a little faith : ) In the meantime, what's eating ya?

Trooper13

I hesitate to post this because it is not my problem but, long and short, my daughter and I are super close. Only been the two of us since the day she was born. She just turned 24 and, after graduating in 3 years from a great university, decided to become a cop instead of going to law school. By the age of 23 and a half she had saved enough money to buy a townhome. She is petite and very pretty. But, now she is miserable and feeling trapped because of the house. She moved out because she had a nasty commute 45 minutes to an hour 15 minutes depending on traffic and weather. Since she works 12 hour overnight shifts the commute made her days very long. Well now she is miserable, hates her job but feels trapped because of the house. There are other things, a recent breakup etc.. So last night she told me she is having suicidal thoughts, frightening since she has a gun. I know the problem and worry would still be there whether I drink or not so not tempted to drink, just worried as heck.

doggonecarl

Do you want what they have? Then share there what you shared here. No one has ESP. That can't reach out until they know you need a hand.

Feeling rotten in early recovery is normal. Good luck.

Trooper13

Thanks but really not comfortable enough or feeling well enough to do that at the moment but they will probably know from the happy look on my face. Thanks for the advice.

Nuudawn

Yikes..no wonder you are upset. My brother is retired RCMP...and I do remember his fear regarding a buddy he knew of who had to keep his service revolver at the station because he didn't trust himself. My brother too ended up with PSTD...oh geez...I'm not helping here. The RCMP employs police therapists/psychatrists....do you think there may be someone she can speak to within her employ? Anyone talking suicide needs attention stat. You're here Dad...gracious ..you must be beside yourself. Can she sell the house? Is the market bad? Could she rent it out? Are there solutions you can think of?

Trooper13

Actually I am her mom I gave her the number for their Employee Assistance Program and she said she would call today. I told her to leave her gun at the station but she did not want to. She could not sell the place, she would take a bath since she has only owned it since February and put a lot of money into it. Renting is an option I have presented to her but she says she does not want to do that. Sometimes I think I created this, she is lonely living 45 minutes from me. We did everything together, neither one of us really developed any other friendships. This is going to sound horrible but she is too smart to be a cop, even the Chief of Police has told her that...

Nuudawn

Oh sorry! For whatever reason...Trooper conjured up a male mental image in my mind. You didn't create it...we are ..or at least SHOULD be...responsible for our own choices. I too am very close with my mom but other relationships are vitally important to us both. Has she struggled with emotional health issues before? I think its extremely important she speaks to someone stat. Good call on getting the number. Please insist she calls..if she doesn't, you may have to think about calling her sergeant or whatever officer is in command.

Louise82

Lol Trooper13, I thought you were a dude too.

I'm on day 18 and I wish I could tell you that it's a great day to be on because they're unicorns prancing around everywhere but I'm also cranky, irritable and worried because of personal circumstances. Nothing as serious as what you and your daughter are going through; it's just that nothing is going right today. I really don't want to go to my meeting today either but I'm going to because there are only two times you should go to a meeting -- when you want to go to a meeting and when you don't want to go to a meeting.

As for your daughter, I suffer from depression and have been suicidal in the past. The best thing my mum did for me was just be there for me, so just keep supporting your daughter as you have been doing, both emotionally and in practical ways, like you did by giving her the Employee Assistance Program number.

Trooper13

Ha, I figured most thought I was a dude. Don't know why I picked that name. Was in the middle of detox and my dog, Trooper, was sitting there so that is what I chose.

I just feel badly that my daughter feels trapped. She cannot even go to law school at night since she is on one Tuesday then off the next. I also believe working night shift screws with your psyche, you never get enough sleep. The other night she ended up working 18 hours (which I don't think is safe), she worked from 6 PM until noon the next day. I am sure she is sleeping now and I am heading to my meeting. I will try to catch her later today, she works tonight. We are supposed to go to the county fair tomorrow but, of course, after a stretch of great weather we are supposed to get storms.

LadyinBC

My emotions were all over the place when I first quit drinking. I was cranky, irritable, anxious, anrgy, you name it I was it.

Also when losing the alcohol it isn't uncommon to go thru a grieving process. I felt like I had just lost my best friend!