I IGNORED all the signs new help :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12
I IGNORED all the signs new help :/
Married 13 years only 33 years old. Successful both of us. Beautiful home 3 kids 1 on the way. Perfect life? HAHAHAHAHA
Saturday night my husband was acting "weird" lethargic, comatose. I went threw his phone and saw texts.
Him- help
Dealer(found out later)- hurting
Him- yes sir
Dealer- swing by I'll throw 3 out the window
I confront him expecting a my back hurts I worked 14 days straight or omething. Instead I get "I'm trying to stop"
wHAT!!!!
That night full blown withdrawals like a scene from the basketball diaries. He's begging for help. I'm stone I'm cold i felt my skin crawling I was nauseous I threw him out bath rooming his pants and carried a suitcase down the stairs. He's saying please let me stay I quit I know it to out of hand that's why I stopped. I never want to feel like this again. Goodbye. Took the house key from him sent him on his way without one dollar.
I start going through phone records 8 MONTHS. That's how long.
Am I heArtless? I have been lied to and stolen from for 8 months I had 10,000 saved for when I had a baby so I didn't have to rush back to work. It seems he spent about 25,000-40,000$. We are comfortable but by NO ,eans wealthy.
He's not even remorseful. His back hurt. He had to wok. I need to get over it. BUT I can't. I'm so angry hurt depressed and betrayed.
I have an al anon meeting on Friday first one!!!
Any advice to sort through the betrayal I can taste In my mouth
Saturday night my husband was acting "weird" lethargic, comatose. I went threw his phone and saw texts.
Him- help
Dealer(found out later)- hurting
Him- yes sir
Dealer- swing by I'll throw 3 out the window
I confront him expecting a my back hurts I worked 14 days straight or omething. Instead I get "I'm trying to stop"
wHAT!!!!
That night full blown withdrawals like a scene from the basketball diaries. He's begging for help. I'm stone I'm cold i felt my skin crawling I was nauseous I threw him out bath rooming his pants and carried a suitcase down the stairs. He's saying please let me stay I quit I know it to out of hand that's why I stopped. I never want to feel like this again. Goodbye. Took the house key from him sent him on his way without one dollar.
I start going through phone records 8 MONTHS. That's how long.
Am I heArtless? I have been lied to and stolen from for 8 months I had 10,000 saved for when I had a baby so I didn't have to rush back to work. It seems he spent about 25,000-40,000$. We are comfortable but by NO ,eans wealthy.
He's not even remorseful. His back hurt. He had to wok. I need to get over it. BUT I can't. I'm so angry hurt depressed and betrayed.
I have an al anon meeting on Friday first one!!!
Any advice to sort through the betrayal I can taste In my mouth
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Welcome to SR but as always I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here.
My husband blew threw a lot of money too before I realized he was severely addicted to percocets. I had kicked him out too and he manipulated and lied his way back in. I was naive, scared and just plain ignorant about addiction.
I had believed he had quit and all was fine. Obviously, that wasn't the case. I made him move out again, found SR, started therapy and meetings and have been working on me for the past year. At the time, I had no idea I was codependent and had abandonment issues that needed to be address. It's been a hard year but very rewarding too, in many ways.
SR has been a great place for support and to educate myself about addiction and codependency. Please know you are not alone. Keep working on you and protecting your children and no matter what choices he makes, you will be Ok.
My husband blew threw a lot of money too before I realized he was severely addicted to percocets. I had kicked him out too and he manipulated and lied his way back in. I was naive, scared and just plain ignorant about addiction.
I had believed he had quit and all was fine. Obviously, that wasn't the case. I made him move out again, found SR, started therapy and meetings and have been working on me for the past year. At the time, I had no idea I was codependent and had abandonment issues that needed to be address. It's been a hard year but very rewarding too, in many ways.
SR has been a great place for support and to educate myself about addiction and codependency. Please know you are not alone. Keep working on you and protecting your children and no matter what choices he makes, you will be Ok.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12
My kids are 4, 8, 12 and I'm pregnant.
Total surprise yes. We're there signs absolutely
We live in a waterfront small community in NYC. 99% of homes were destroyed our town is an island 20 blocks long. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone lost everything the water was 9-11 feet. Our house was raised 5 years ago when we rebuilt about 10 feet. We lost nothing but cars, and stuff in cellar. My husbands from here he is a contractor. He dove in head first working 20 hours a day. Getting people back home. I never saw him. He made money but the numbers didn't add up. He was getting paid cash and probably thousands a week. I just was too busy I was trying to help my community recover. My door was open for showers, family members moved in. My daughters friends slept over bc they had nothing! It was a tumultuous experience overwhelming. My assumption is he was tired and in pain took a few pills had loads of cash then got hooked.
Fast forward in late may I said you need to go back to your union job he's a welder their rebuilding the boardwalk in the next town. He stopped contracting and went back to union work ( have to work 1000hrs per year to maintain health ins do he didn't argue) but he's still doing side jobs I'm not seeing $$$. Once he went back to union and I saw his checks there was a "money trail". When I confronted him
About $ Id get bullied. I'd ask him why are you taking side jobs if your not making all that much $$ I'm not seeing it. I got I want to help people move home again
Total surprise yes. We're there signs absolutely
We live in a waterfront small community in NYC. 99% of homes were destroyed our town is an island 20 blocks long. Everyone knows everyone. Everyone lost everything the water was 9-11 feet. Our house was raised 5 years ago when we rebuilt about 10 feet. We lost nothing but cars, and stuff in cellar. My husbands from here he is a contractor. He dove in head first working 20 hours a day. Getting people back home. I never saw him. He made money but the numbers didn't add up. He was getting paid cash and probably thousands a week. I just was too busy I was trying to help my community recover. My door was open for showers, family members moved in. My daughters friends slept over bc they had nothing! It was a tumultuous experience overwhelming. My assumption is he was tired and in pain took a few pills had loads of cash then got hooked.
Fast forward in late may I said you need to go back to your union job he's a welder their rebuilding the boardwalk in the next town. He stopped contracting and went back to union work ( have to work 1000hrs per year to maintain health ins do he didn't argue) but he's still doing side jobs I'm not seeing $$$. Once he went back to union and I saw his checks there was a "money trail". When I confronted him
About $ Id get bullied. I'd ask him why are you taking side jobs if your not making all that much $$ I'm not seeing it. I got I want to help people move home again
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
I left a year ago but I guess I am a slow learner.
We still see my daughter's dad quite a bit. He was clean for a few months lately then
relapsed and has just quit again.
When did that happen, the water destroying your community?
The whole thing does sound very overwhelming. Not an excuse for his behaviour of
course.
We still see my daughter's dad quite a bit. He was clean for a few months lately then
relapsed and has just quit again.
When did that happen, the water destroying your community?
The whole thing does sound very overwhelming. Not an excuse for his behaviour of
course.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Heroin addicts, at least the ones I know would give you the shirt off their back as they take a 20 from your purse.
I didn’t know what the issue was, but knew something was up. There was no money trail here, we were rolling in cash, bills were on time, actually it should have been a sign that we had way more money than he made at his job.
He was picking up side jobs, making a lot of cash backhauling. But I thought the hours he was working later were just at his regular job and it was busier than normal.
When he finally said heroin I was shocked but then how could I be. I already knew of that history when I met him 20 plus years before. I had my own, different story, different drugs, and people using weren’t alien to me. Young, naïve, no excuse, it just seemed normal, people took drugs or that I knew anyway. Heroin was never seen or spoken of. But when the **** hit the fan many, many years later, and he finally really talked about the years that had passed, heroin was a huge part of it all, and so much made sense. I didn’t know, and even in now knowing in some ways how could I. I had my own life in it all, the kids, busy, out …
In some way good inside your husband probably wanted to help. And it served as some sick justification in his head to use. Although in the end there is no way to know what is going on in in there, it is probably as confusing to him as it is to you looking in from the outside.
No advice on how to sort through it all. You will have find your way yourself and hopefully come out the other end a different person, a better person just as he will have too. Missing the anger, the bitterness, that why did he do this to us … and it wasn’t personal, although many think it is.
But if there is a must, it would be an education. Some on enabling, some of codependency, some on addiction You have to find and keep a good support system. You will have to work on you, not him. Save you, not him. You have to understand that you have no control, that he isn’t helpless, that he can find his way through. See him as capable, see yourself as that as well.
You might even have to accept that there was a problem long before. There usually tends to be. One doesn’t just up and become a heroin addict. And the construction business is notorious for pain pill addiction.
Take good care of you and your children.
I didn’t know what the issue was, but knew something was up. There was no money trail here, we were rolling in cash, bills were on time, actually it should have been a sign that we had way more money than he made at his job.
He was picking up side jobs, making a lot of cash backhauling. But I thought the hours he was working later were just at his regular job and it was busier than normal.
When he finally said heroin I was shocked but then how could I be. I already knew of that history when I met him 20 plus years before. I had my own, different story, different drugs, and people using weren’t alien to me. Young, naïve, no excuse, it just seemed normal, people took drugs or that I knew anyway. Heroin was never seen or spoken of. But when the **** hit the fan many, many years later, and he finally really talked about the years that had passed, heroin was a huge part of it all, and so much made sense. I didn’t know, and even in now knowing in some ways how could I. I had my own life in it all, the kids, busy, out …
In some way good inside your husband probably wanted to help. And it served as some sick justification in his head to use. Although in the end there is no way to know what is going on in in there, it is probably as confusing to him as it is to you looking in from the outside.
No advice on how to sort through it all. You will have find your way yourself and hopefully come out the other end a different person, a better person just as he will have too. Missing the anger, the bitterness, that why did he do this to us … and it wasn’t personal, although many think it is.
But if there is a must, it would be an education. Some on enabling, some of codependency, some on addiction You have to find and keep a good support system. You will have to work on you, not him. Save you, not him. You have to understand that you have no control, that he isn’t helpless, that he can find his way through. See him as capable, see yourself as that as well.
You might even have to accept that there was a problem long before. There usually tends to be. One doesn’t just up and become a heroin addict. And the construction business is notorious for pain pill addiction.
Take good care of you and your children.
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