Mistical

Starting at day 1 yet again. So far I haven't been able to make it past day 6. I always feel extremely depressed the day after I drink but I just keep doing it. I don't understand why it's so hard to just say no. I tell myself all the time to grow the hell up and knock it off and I'm honestly so tired of failing. I'm 30 with 3 beautiful children and an all around good life except for this constant battle. My kids and my husband deserve better then this from me. I don't want to be the life of the party anymore I just want to be normal!!!!!

Pamel

I posted on (including you) ananais' thread. There are at least four of us starting out and it helps to hear from others. Thanks for posting.

Ptcapote

Hi Mistical, please don't beat yourself up. I know how frustrating it is and I know from having tried for a long time only to fail after a week or so how this feels. But getting angry at yourself only feeds the cycle of anger/shame/depression that our alcoholic brains thrive on. I remember people telling me that on here and not believing it but, alas, it is true. Our drunk selves don't care about "normal" or all the things we should be thankful/grateful for. So logical reasoning doesn't often work.

Do you have any plan or outside support other than SR? The more support, the better...

ScottFromWI

Hi Mistical. I can't even count all the day 1's I had over the years thinking exactly the same thing, you are definitely not alone.

Any ideas on exactly what it might be about that day 6 that triggers the relapses? The weekend perhaps?

When I finally decided to get serious about being sober, one thing that helped me stay committed was to make a detailed plan for my days. I mean literally - write down what I have planned for each hour of the day. Many times I think I drank because I had no plans to do anything else, and simply "not drinking" is a recipe for failure.

I coupled those regimented plans with lots and lots of reading here at SR, espeically in the first few weeks, and before I knew it I had a month of sobriety.

Not sure if that would help you or not, but just a suggestion. Perhaps you could also try something more regimented like AA or AVRT.

Either way, don't give up hope as you can certainly quit this if you really want to. Best of luck and stay with us!

Mistical

I'm looking for an AA group to join. And yes the weekend is usually what happens on day six! I'm very social and I'm going to have to learn to say no to activities where alcohol will be involved and maybe separate myself from my drinking friends & family for awhile.

ScottFromWI

There are definitely changes we need to make for sobriety to work. I am at the point now that I dont' really have a problem being around others who are drinking, but to be quite frank all the drinking "Friends" that I used to have weren't really friends - they were just other people who also drank and gave me another excuse to drink. Now that I don't drink there is no reason to hang out with them anyway. I still have family that drink and it's not realistic to just avoid them forever, so I have just learned to deal with their drinking.

But bottom line, yes - you will need to make some fairly drastic changes - especially initially, to get on track.

Nonsensical

Being addicted is a pain in the azz, ain't it?

On the bright side:
1) you drank
2) you were remorseful
3) you came here and posted about how you want to get sober and stay sober.

Those are ingredients in every successful recovery recipe I've read on this site.

Let's do this.

least

I hope this can be your last day one.

visch1

Hi and hang on. 1st, normal is a setting on the dryer. I'm a very strong advocate of AA and still attend many years later. Some people have a fear of those letters usually because of ignorance. You stated "I'm looking for an AA group to join" great, however you can go to any meeting without first joining. There is absolutely nothing wrong with joining the oneS you like. Enjoy the journey and BE WELL

Dee74

welcome back Mistical

think about what you need to add to what you've been doing - keep adding things until you get the right support mix for you to stay sober

you can do this

D

lessgravity

I'm with you Mistical. Starting from scratch again here too.

Let's make it happen.