My husband signed into drug rehab yesterday

Old 07-23-2013, 03:52 PM
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My husband signed into drug rehab yesterday

My husband went into rehab yesterday and I have a lot of emotions over it. His parents and I took him there. It all went a lot better than I thought. We spent the weekend at his parents home, we had a lot of time alone together, talked, made promises. He says he never wants to use and live like that again. He knows he almost died while he was gone missing. I think he would have if a couple of his non-drug using friends hadn't drug the trenches and found him. The people at the rehab were very nice to all of us. They treated him with a lot of respect, met with him alone, with us, and he signed himself in and committed to getting better. They let us spend the whole morning together. We walked all over the property, and set up his room. We all had lunch together, and the food was good. It seemed a lot like being at a hotel but with doctors. We left him late in the afternoon to come home. We all cried, even his dad but he told him how proud he was for recognizing he needs help with this. I had a hard time unwrapping my arms from him. I can't talk to him or see him for two weeks but then I can see him or talk to him everyday. It's not real close to home, and I will probably only get to see him on weekends.

I feel emotionally drained, spent, but relieved too because he is in a safe place. I worry a little he will check himself out. We can call and check on him with the staff during these two weeks. Im sure a bunch of people here have been through this, I'm sure I sound whiney about not talking to him for two weeks. It's probably better for me too because I know I need to clear my head and rest. I have friends to talk to, but none have been through this type of thing. They are all trying to cheer me up already. Friends offered to come and stay with me, my parents asked me to come stay with them, my cousin wants to move in. Maybe a little too much people making over me right now, but at the same time I feel lonely.
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Old 07-23-2013, 04:18 PM
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Ann
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Maybe use this time to find healing and a better way of living for yourself.

Are there any meetings in your area that you could go to? CoDA, Al-anon, Nar-anon?

This will be a difficult time for him, especially the early days, so maybe just let him be so he can focus on his recovery and take time to grow in yours.

Hugs
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Old 07-23-2013, 05:19 PM
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Hi blue chair, You must be so relieved the day went well and that your husband is now in a place where he can learn the tools he'll need to rely upon for the rest of his life. This time apart is crucial for you too. The stronger you can become, and the more you can let him work his recovery, the better off you'll be. I made a big mistake when my son was released from rehab....not that I'm responsible for his relapse...but I did police him so to speak. I reminded him about everything...constantly asked how he was feeling...blah blah blah...I must have driven him crazy! The more small successes they can have working through issues on their own the more confident they'll feel moving forward. Obviously these are just my opinions...take what you like and leave the rest. I'm glad he's in a safe spot and I'm glad you have such a support system around you.
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Old 07-23-2013, 05:45 PM
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Bluechair, I was guilty of driving my son crazy when he came home from rehab the first time, just like Lizwig. Actually, it started as soon as he entered rehab with daily letters and phone calls whenever I was allowed to call. When he came home, I was constantly doing surveillance.....asking questions and reminding him of what he needed to do....like he was a baby and couldn't fend for himself. I think if someone did that to me I would scream at them. The transition was much better after his second stint at rehab because instead of coming home he went to a sober living house. I learned to back off....thank you SR members...and things went much better. Slowly, I started to do things for myself and stayed out of his way. The bottom line here is that everyone is giving you the best advice by saying to take this time for you...to recover, to relax. Your husband is where he needs to be with people caring for him. You need to care for you. Wishing you peace.
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Old 07-23-2013, 06:52 PM
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Oh my word allthatsgood....You just reminded me of something. I apologize bluechair....I promise I'm not trying to hijack your post...there's a good message/reminder here for us. When my son was in rehab he happened to mentioned they didn't do laundry often enough. He didn't ask for anything. What I "heard" him say was that he needed new sweats....and some nice soft high thread count v neck t-shirts.....and some new socks....and new underwear...I mean who doesn't like new underwear....oh and gum....and a slew of drawing supplies....and a couple of books....and a phone card (he already had one with minutes on it)....and a week's worth of cards with "open on this day" written on them and some nice sheepskin slippers. Wow. I blocked that completely. What on earth was I thinking? Alas...if I ever get the opportunity again....I hope to not smother him with my good intent. I hope instead to encourage him with my words and leave the work to him alone. I have learned so much. I will be forever grateful. I wish someone would send me a care package full of my favorite things!! Won't one of you take the hint!?
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Old 07-23-2013, 07:20 PM
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Originally Posted by lizwig View Post
Oh my word allthatsgood....You just reminded me of something. I apologize bluechair....I promise I'm not trying to hijack your post...there's a good message/reminder here for us. When my son was in rehab he happened to mentioned they didn't do laundry often enough. He didn't ask for anything. What I "heard" him say was that he needed new sweats....and some nice soft high thread count v neck t-shirts.....and some new socks....and new underwear...I mean who doesn't like new underwear....oh and gum....and a slew of drawing supplies....and a couple of books....and a phone card (he already had one with minutes on it)....and a week's worth of cards with "open on this day" written on them and some nice sheepskin slippers. Wow. I blocked that completely. What on earth was I thinking? Alas...if I ever get the opportunity again....I hope to not smother him with my good intent. I hope instead to encourage him with my words and leave the work to him alone. I have learned so much. I will be forever grateful. I wish someone would send me a care package full of my favorite things!! Won't one of you take the hint!?


I just love the way you worded this. Now I wonder how many times I have heard things that were never even asked.
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Old 07-23-2013, 07:33 PM
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[QUOTE=
I just love the way you worded this. Now I wonder how many times I have heard things that were never even asked. [/QUOTE]

Bingo LMN and Lizwig! Boy, was I ever guilty of that! But I'm learning!
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:19 PM
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Originally Posted by allthatsgood View Post
Bluechair, I was guilty of driving my son crazy when he came home from rehab the first time, just like Lizwig. Actually, it started as soon as he entered rehab with daily letters and phone calls whenever I was allowed to call. When he came home, I was constantly doing surveillance.....asking questions and reminding him of what he needed to do....like he was a baby and couldn't fend for himself. I think if someone did that to me I would scream at them. The transition was much better after his second stint at rehab because instead of coming home he went to a sober living house. I learned to back off....thank you SR members...and things went much better. Slowly, I started to do things for myself and stayed out of his way. The bottom line here is that everyone is giving you the best advice by saying to take this time for you...to recover, to relax. Your husband is where he needs to be with people caring for him. You need to care for you. Wishing you peace.
This is something that i havent thought about too much yet. I dont know how I will feel when he comes home. What happened didnt make much sense, he seemed ok then he disappeared using, then he came home a couple days. I was uspet, but I thought he would be ok and I dont think I treated him weird. And then all the sudden he disappeared again. But this time he didnt come home, we found him. I dont know how I will get past the fear of his maybe up and disappearing again. I guess I have it in my mind when he comes home, he will be ok again.
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:26 PM
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This is funny, but I also think it is sort of sweet. Your his mom and you wanted to give him things to make him feel cozy and safe. Or at least that is what I think maybe. I had to get my husbands things together while he was in the hospital. His mom asked me if we needed to buy anything, so we went out one day and bought a couple of things for him. And I am guilty of writing the little notes too. I didnt buy cards, but I wrote on some stationary we had, put in a picture, and wrote a little note. The pictures were just reminders of special times and stuff. I just wanted him to have some reminders of how life is good in case he was feeling down and was there all alone. maybe silly, but I look at pictures for reminders sometimes and it creates positive thoughts towards creating new memories.







Originally Posted by lizwig View Post
Oh my word allthatsgood....You just reminded me of something. I apologize bluechair....I promise I'm not trying to hijack your post...there's a good message/reminder here for us. When my son was in rehab he happened to mentioned they didn't do laundry often enough. He didn't ask for anything. What I "heard" him say was that he needed new sweats....and some nice soft high thread count v neck t-shirts.....and some new socks....and new underwear...I mean who doesn't like new underwear....oh and gum....and a slew of drawing supplies....and a couple of books....and a phone card (he already had one with minutes on it)....and a week's worth of cards with "open on this day" written on them and some nice sheepskin slippers. Wow. I blocked that completely. What on earth was I thinking? Alas...if I ever get the opportunity again....I hope to not smother him with my good intent. I hope instead to encourage him with my words and leave the work to him alone. I have learned so much. I will be forever grateful. I wish someone would send me a care package full of my favorite things!! Won't one of you take the hint!?
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Old 07-24-2013, 01:59 PM
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Guilty as charged! Another Mom who heard stuff that wasn't there LOL.
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